


The Song Remembers When

by palominopup



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anal, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Fluff and Angst, Frottage, M/M, Minor Violence, Oral Sex, Rimming, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-24
Updated: 2015-05-26
Packaged: 2018-03-25 14:16:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 66,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3813619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/palominopup/pseuds/palominopup
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean and Cas were lovers in high school.  Dean’s mother dies of cancer and his father makes them move across the country. </p><p>Skip ahead 22 years.  Dean is a country singer.  He stops in a gas station to get gas and a drink when a song comes on the radio.  He thinks about Cas for the first time in years.  </p><p>Cas went to college and became an architect, living in Atlanta.  He still thinks of Dean.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Carrying Your Love With Me

_** ** _

 

_**1993 - 22 years ago…** _

“I hate you!” Dean screamed at his father. How could he do this? They had just lost mom. Now, they were moving across the country, leaving Kansas for Washington. Leaving their friends…leaving Cas.

“Dean, I know you’re angry, but I’ve got to start fresh. There’s work in the northwest.”

Sam, at twelve, was looking back and forth between the two. Dean would have just packed his shit and ran away, but he couldn’t leave Sam. Sammy was still reeling from their mother’s death. The cancer had been swift. Diagnosed one day and four months later, she was gone.

The next week was too short. Dean spent every spare minute with Cas. They would lie on the hood of the Impala and stare at the stars, making plans to meet again at college. Cas had been accepted at Auburn University’s School of Architecture. Dean would apply when the time came. Two years wasn’t that far away…they’d keep in touch with phone calls and letters.

The UHaul truck was packed with their belongings, the Impala was up on a tow bar hooked to the truck and their father’s pickup was loaded with his mechanics’ tools. They would be pulling out in the morning. Dean, sixteen, would drive his father’s pickup since he was too young to drive the UHaul. Sam chose to ride with Dean.

Dean sat on his sleeping bag, the phone cord stretched around the corner so he could have privacy to talk to Cas.

“I don’t want to go.” The tears he’d tried so hard to hold back were running down his face.

“I love you, Dean,” Cas’ voice was racked with sorrow.

“I love you too.”

“I heard a song today and I taped it. This is our song. Listen.” Dean heard Cas fiddling around with his Walkman. The song started and the tune was vaguely familiar. Dean was a classic rock fan, this tune sounded like a country song. He got ready to make a snide comment to his boyfriend, but then he listened to the words.

**_Baby all I got's this beat up leather bag_ **

**_And everything I own don't fill up half_ **

**_But don't you worry 'bout the way I pack_ **

**_All I care about is gettin' back, real soon_ **

**_A goodbye kiss is all I need from you_ **

**_'Cause I'm carrying your love with me_ **

**_West Virginia down to Tennessee_ **

**_I'll be movin' with the good Lord's speed_ **

**_Carrying your love with me_ **

**_It's my strength for holding on_ **

**_Every minute that I have to be gone_ **

**_I'll have everything I'll ever need_ **

**_I'm carrying your love with me_ **

_**On a lonely highway stuck out in the rain** _

_**Darlin' all I have to do, is speak your name** _

_**The clouds roll back and the waters part** _

_**The sun starts shinin' in my heart for you** _

_**You're right there in everything I do** _

_**'Cause I'm carrying your love with me** _

_**West Virginia down to Tennessee** _

_**I'll be movin' with the good Lord's speed** _

_**Carrying your love with me** _

_**It's my strength for holding on** _

_**Every minute that I have to be gone** _

_**I'll have everything I'll ever need** _

_**I'm carrying your love with me** _

_**On a lonely highway stuck out in the rain** _

_**Darlin' all I have to do, is speak your name** _

_**The clouds roll back and the waters part** _

_**The sun starts shinin' in my heart for you** _

_**You're right there in everything I do** _

_**'Cause I'm carrying your love with me** _

_**West Virginia down to Tennessee** _

_**I'll be movin' with the good Lord's speed** _

_**Carrying your love with me** _

_**It's my strength for holding on** _

_**Every minute that I have to be gone** _

_**I'll have everything I'll ever need** _

_**I'm carrying your love with me** _

_**I'm carrying your love with me** _

_**West Virginia down to Tennessee** _

_**I'll be movin' with the good Lord's speed** _

_**Carrying your love with me** _

The sob tore out of Dean. When his father finally told him to hang up the phone, Cas’ goodbye ripped his heart out. He felt the jagged pain and knew it wouldn’t heal until he could hold Cas one more time.

 

**_Present Day…_ **

“My meeting will probably run late tonight, so I’m not going to come over,” Michael said as he kissed Castiel goodbye. “This new client has a two million dollar budget on a new house.”

Castiel returned the kiss with a noticeable lack of passion. He suspected Michael was having another affair. “That’s fine. I’ve got to go over the specs for the Reed project. I’ll be working late myself.”

Castiel watched his lover…boyfriend…walk out of his office. They were both architects at the prestigious firm of Crowley, Novak and Sebastian. The only difference was that Castiel was a managing partner and Michael was just an associate. Castiel always suspected that Michael only stayed with him because he wanted to make partner. The smart Castiel should have broken it off after Michael’s first indiscretion with the summer intern they hired last year. The socially awkward Castiel liked the comfort of having someone to come home too. Not that they lived together, that was one thing Castiel had done right.

Castiel tapped his intercom button. “Hannah, do me a favor and check the company calendar and see if we have any client meetings scheduled for this evening.”

“Yes, Sir.”

Castiel stared at his computer screen. He hated editing specifications. He looked out his office window. From the tenth floor, he could see the Atlanta Aquarium. It was a shame that he lived in Atlanta and never visited the place. Not even once. An old memory surfaced. Dean’s little brother, Sam, would have loved the place. He used to love books about the ocean and dreamed of being a marine biologist one day. Castiel wondered if he got his dream. He knew Dean’s desire to become an architect like Castiel didn’t come to fruition. The two had lost touch once Dean’s father took them away that summer. Castiel waited patiently for a phone call or an email. By the time Castiel was in his sophomore year, he’d pushed all thoughts of his first love out of his mind. The only thing that he wouldn’t let go of was the picture tucked into his wallet. It was faded and the edges were ragged, but the small square cut from the strip of three photos still showed two young men kissing in a photobooth. Did Dean still have his? Probably not.

Dean Winchester was now one of the biggest names in country music. How ironic. Castiel was the one who liked country, Dean was classic rock all the way.

A knock on his door pulled him out of the painful memories.

“Come in.”

Hannah, his secretary, opened the door and leaned her head in. “There were no scheduled meetings for tonight, Mr. Novak. Did you need anything else before quitting time?”

“No. Thank you, Hannah. Have a good evening.”

“You too, Mr. Novak.” Try as he might, he could never get Hannah to lighten up enough to call him Castiel. Even the draftsmen down in the production room called him Castiel.

He stood up and grabbed his blazer off the back of his chair. He wasn’t sure what he was more pissed about. Michael having another affair or that Michael thought he was so stupid, he would find out.

Castiel’s loft was in a converted office space the firm renovated into studio apartments and lofts. Castiel liked his design so much, he’d forked over the million and a half to buy one of the larger lofts. He tossed his the keys to his BMW onto the kitchen counter and sat his briefcase on the dining room table. Then he made his way to his bedroom.

After changing from his normal work attire of jeans, dress shirt and blazer, he pulled on a worn pair of sweats from his alma mater. He heated up a microwave dinner because he wasn’t in the mood to cook and sat down at his dining room table to work. Laptop open, he edited specs until his eyes hurt. It was after ten. He stretched and packed up his things. He’d finish it up in the morning.

He poured a glass of wine, grabbed his Ipad from the coffee table and went out onto his balcony. The May evening was pleasant now, but in a few weeks the Georgia summer humidity and heat would make it unbearable to come enjoy the view. A few swipes of his fingers and Dean’s beautiful baritone filled the night sky. He sat back in one of the patio chairs and put his feet up on the railing. Closing his eyes, he thought back to the last summer Dean lived in Kansas.

The first time they’d made love was the night Castiel graduated. The rest of the summer had been a blur of hot sex in the back of Dean’s car. They’d made plans for their future that summer. Castiel took a big swallow of his wine. Plans that Dean forgot the moment he left Kansas behind.

***

Dean was tired. The last tour wore him out. The divorce was an added stress. He couldn’t blame Jo for hating him and that’s why he told Sam to give her the settlement she asked for as well as the house in L.A. He kept the ones in Nashville and Austin.

“Are you sure about this?” Sam asked him. They were in Sam’s office, the bright California sun streaming into the windows.

“Yeah, Sammy. I just need to get away for awhile. Shit, I haven’t had a day alone since…fuck, I can’t remember when.”

“But a road trip? Dean, you’ll be recognized everywhere you go. Why don’t you fly down to the Bahamas or Jamaica?”

“I’m not flying. A vacation is supposed to be about relaxing. Flying is the opposite end of the spectrum from relaxing.”

“Alright…whatever.” Sam put Dean’s copy of the divorce papers in a large envelope and handed it to his brother. Dean hesitated before taking it. Their marriage only lasted six months. Six long months. He loved Jo and the relationship that started as a publicity stunt turned into a strong friendship, but then there was the pressure to get married. Pressure from his manager, pressure from Jo, shit, even the tabloids got involved. Before he knew what was happening, Jo was wearing a diamond ring that she picked out and paid for. Jo’s singing career skyrocketed after the engagement announcement was made, so Dean went along with it. He wanted Jo to succeed. Then she went and told the world via the CMA Awards that they were getting married the first of December. Dean had been on tour in Texas and hadn’t been able to attend the event, even though he’d been nominated and won three awards. Sam had called him after the concert, yelling about what a dumb fuck he was and Dean didn’t have a clue.

Funny how life gets out of hand sometimes. The wedding Jo planned was on the river at Dean’s house in Austin. Most of country music’s royalty were in attendance. Dean just went through the motions and said ‘I do’ at the right time. Dean went through the motions on the honeymoon too. Sex with women was pleasurable, but Dean preferred men. He had a type, dark hair and blue eyes. Jo was a super freak in bed, wanting it all day and night until Dean had enough. The blowjob from the bartender in their hotel room wasn’t Dean’s smartest move. In his defense, Jo was supposed to be out shopping all day.

Dean got behind the wheel of his car. The Impala and Sam were the only two constants in Dean’s life. A gift from his mom and dad on his sixteenth birthday, she’d been given a few facelifts over the years. He tossed the envelope onto the passenger seat.

Jo hadn’t wanted sex after she caught him with his pants down. She’d made him get tested for HIV and all the other little beasties out there. Dean gave her credit though, she never leaked it to the press. Their divorce was just another case of irreconcilable differences. Today when they signed the final papers, she’d wished him well. Yeah, Jo Harvelle deserved a lot better than him.

His personal items from the house were in the trunk. It wasn’t a lot, just a few pictures and awards. The house in Austin was his main home.

He topped off the tank and headed east. He wanted to make Vegas by nightfall. He was just outside of Barstow and needed a bathroom break. The gas station wasn’t busy and with his sunglasses and a baseball cap pulled low over his face, no one recognized him. He was standing at the cash register, a small bag of gummy bears and a bottle of Coke on the counter when the song began to play over the speaker system.

_**Baby all I got's this beat up leather bag** _

_**And everything I own don't fill up half** _

_**But don't you worry 'bout the way I pack** _

“Four, thirty-two.”

The wave of sadness and longing washed over him. Cas. Where was he now?

_**All I care about is gettin' back, real soon** _

_**A goodbye kiss is all I need from you** _

_**'Cause I'm carrying your love with me** _

“Sir, it’s four, thirty-two.”

“Huh? Oh, sorry.” Dean tossed a five on the counter and picked up his stuff. He needed to get to the car. He let his forehead rest on the steering wheel. Dean always tried to do his level best to not think of Cas.

His father couldn’t afford to get them a phone for a few months, but Dean wrote several letters to Cas. He would buy stamps and give the letters to his father to mail. The months went by and Dean never got a letter from Cas, not one. Dean stopped writing. He figured Cas was at college and had moved on. It broke Dean’s heart and he didn’t date again until he finished high school.

The lights of Vegas drew Dean out of his thoughts of Cas. He found a small hotel off the strip and used the credit card in Benny’s name. His manager kept money in a separate account for Dean’s use for times when he was incognito. Instead of going to the casinos, Dean found a diner and got a hot meal. He wasn’t recognized until he was paying his bill. Several pictures and a few autographs later, Dean was back in his room.

He turned on the TV and flipped channels, but found his mind wandering. In all those years, he never once allowed himself to think about Cas. Cas was history. That damn song though…

“Fuck!” He got up and pulled his laptop case out of his bag. Once he was connected to the hotel’s wi-fi, he typed Castiel Novak into the Google search bar. An hour later he knew that his old boyfriend, his first love, had followed his dream. He was now partner in some fancy architectural firm in Atlanta, designing buildings and homes all over the southeast. The photo on the firm’s website caused Dean’s heart to stop. Cas had been cute, lanky and his smile could light up a room, but this Cas…Castiel, fuck, he was drop dead gorgeous.

***

Castiel was sitting at his desk eating his lunch. He was supposed to be working on the house plans for one of the Atlanta Braves team members, but he needed a break. He clicked on the bookmark for a news site and the article caught his eye.

**Country Music Legend, Dean Winchester and wife, Jo Harvelle Divorce After Six Months**

The article stated the couple parted amicably. Castiel stared at the photo of the couple. It was taken on stage at a concert when they sang a duet together. Castiel knew Dean had married back in December. He’d gone on a two day bender and woke up in a puddle of his own vomit in the middle of his living room.

Castiel tossed what remained of his lunch in the trashcan next to his desk. He looked back at the computer screen. After all these years, why was Dean Winchester still haunting him?

The door to his office opened and he looked up, irritated. Only his partners and Michael opened his door without knocking.

“Castiel, let’s go to The Hideaway tonight. We can have a few drinks and then we can spend the whole weekend in bed.”

Michael leaned against his desk and gave Castiel a seductive smile. Castiel wanted to tell the man to go to hell…not to pass Go and not to collect two hundred dollars…but he didn’t. He smiled and leaned back in his chair. “That sounds great.”

After Michael left his office, Castiel put his head in his hands. The bastard had his dick in someone else last night and Castiel just didn’t care. No, that was wrong. He cared a great deal, he just didn’t have the balls to do anything about it.

The Hideaway was crowded as usual. Castiel wasn’t a fan of going to gay bars, but it was Michael’s idea of a good time. Michael just liked to look at the young men and Castiel always wondered how many phone number his lover took home with him. He wasn’t paying any attention to Castiel, who was sitting at the end of the bar nursing a vodka martini. A younger man approached Castiel and sat down next to him. He was pretty with brown hair and dark eyes. “I haven’t seen you in here before.”

“I don’t usually come here,” Castiel responded. He wanted to go home.

“Can I buy you a drink?”

Before Castiel could answer, Michael was next to him, his hand coming to rest on Castiel’s crotch. “He’s taken, Sugar.”

Castiel frowned and watched the younger man walk away. This was Michael’s thing. He ignored Castiel until someone else was interested and then he played the possessive boyfriend role. Resigned, Castiel stood up. “I want to leave.”

“I’m having a good time, Castiel. We can stay for a little while longer.”

“You stay. I’m going home.” Castiel didn’t wait for a response.

He was lying on the sofa listening to Dean’s latest CD when he heard Michael’s key in the lock. He watched the man stumble over the threshold and sighed. Michael was drunk. Tonight wasn’t going to be a good night.

“Come on, let’s go fuck.” Michael was already taking his shirt off and weaving towards Castiel’s bedroom. Castiel closed his eyes, ignoring the other man. Suddenly, the air was forced out of his lungs when Michael, naked now, landed on top of him.

“I said I wanted to fuck.”

“Get off me, Michael. You’re drunk.” Castiel tried to shove him off but Michael was dead weight. Michael’s mouth crashed down on his and his tongue forced Castiel’s mouth open. He tasted like stale beer and cigarette smoke. Michael’s hands fumbled with the buttons of Castiel’s shirt, finally getting frustrated, he ripped the shirt open. “Stop it.”

Castiel rolled his hips and dumped Michael on the floor. “Go sleep it off, Michael.” Castiel pointed to the guest room and walked away. He shut his bedroom door and as he undressed, he heard Michael at the bar fixing a drink. He shook his head. He really needed to end this.

He turned out the light and rolled over on his side to get comfortable. He would end it tomorrow. His door opened. “Castiel…I’m sorry, Baby. Please let me sleep with you.”

Castiel turned to tell him to go away but Michael’s weight was on him again. Castiel pushed at the hands that were groping for his cock. He winced as Michael grabbed his balls and squeezed. “You’re mine, Castiel. Don’t ever forget that.”

Michael’s breath made Castiel gag. “Get off, Michael.” He could feel Michael’s erection rutting against his thigh. Castiel usually held his temper in check, but he’d finally had enough. His fist caught Michael in the ribs at the same time his knee got the man in the balls. Michael grunted and rolled off, holding onto his junk.

“You motherfucker.”

Castiel stood and calmly put on his bathrobe. “Michael, you’ve got exactly five minutes to get dressed and get the fuck out of my house or I’m calling the police. You will come into the office on Monday and clean out your desk. You are fired.”

He went into the living room and picked up Michael’s keys. He took the office key and his loft key off the key ring and threw the remaining keys onto the pile of clothing Michael had left on the floor.

Castiel watched Michael dress and met the man’s glares with detached boredom. Only after the door slammed and Castiel locked it, did he allow the trembling to start. Why had he let it go on this long? Was he that fucking needy?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Carrying Your Love With Me was written by Steve Bogard and Jeffrey David Stevens. Sung by George Strait. Just giving credit where credit it due.


	2. The Heart Won't Lie

Dean hadn’t planned any certain route. He was just going to drive, maybe stop to see some of those small tourist things like the biggest ball of string or Gatorland. He left Vegas after a breakfast from room service. He pulled onto the Purple Heart Trail a little after ten and drove it all the way to Flagstaff. He got a room in a Holiday Inn, because no one would expect Dean Winchester to be at a Holiday Inn.

He checked in with Benny and Sam, promising both he was okay and not getting into any trouble. Benny reminded him that he only had two weeks before he had to be in the studio in Nashville. When he got his bag out of the car, he grabbed his guitar too. Maybe he could write a new song or two while on the road. Some of the best country songs were written during times of misery and damn if Dean was pretty damn miserable.

After stripping down to his boxer briefs, he sat cross legged on the bed and strummed. He scribbled on the blank sheet music, strummed some more and then began to hum.

**_Looking back over the years_ **

**_Of all the things I've always meant to say_ **

**_But the words didn't come easily_ **

He wrote the words. He picked out a few chords, scribbled some more and rubbed the back of his neck. Where was he going with this?

**_So many times through empty fears_ **

**_Of all of the nights I tried to pick up the phone_ **

**_So scared of who might be answerin'_ **

Damn Cas Novak. His mind drifted back to that summer. Once his father finally got them a phone, he’d called Cas’ house. Cas’ mother answered the phone and informed Dean that Cas was away at college and to please not call anymore because Cas needed to find a young woman to marry. Cas’ mother was a religious freak who’d named her two sons after angels. She was always telling Cas that he just needed to ‘pray the gay away’. Did Cas ever marry?

“Son of a bitch.” Dean put the guitar down and picked up the laptop. He asked Mr. Google to give him some more intel in Castiel Novak. He found a few awards Cas won. And a few newspaper articles about his firm building a total green building, whatever that was. Anyone could paint a house green, Dean didn’t think it was newsworthy. So far, nothing about his marriage status. Google images showed Cas at a few gala events and fuck, did he look hot in a tux. There weren’t any pictures of Cas with a woman, but a few with a dark haired guy at a charity auction.

Dean continued to cyber-stalk the architect. He checked out Facebook, no luck there. Twitter…nope. Finally, he found his profile on LinkedIn. Not much to see there. Graduated Summa Cum Laude from Auburn. Worked in Kansas City for a year before taking another job in Atlanta. Left there to start his own firm with some dudes named Fergus Crowley and Balthazar Sebastian…blah, blah, blah…nothing personal.

Well, since he was already on a roll, Dean typed in Gabriel Novak. Strangely enough, there were four Gabe Novaks in the US. Time for Facebook again. Gabe would have a Facebook page. Cas’ older brother was a strange fucker. Always playing practical jokes. Dean had to dig into the back of his mind but then he finally remembered Gabe wanted to go into film and went to school at UCLA. Luckily, there were only two Gabe Novaks on Facebook. And there he was, Dean would recognize that face anywhere. Unfortunately, the page was set to private and Dean could only see the man’s picture and where he lived. Los Angeles, go figure. Dean played Internet detective a little more and then laughed out loud. Gabe went into film alright. He was the owner/producer of Casa Erotica Films. Cas’ brother made porn. Dean bet their mother must have had a freakin’ stroke. Served her right for giving Cas so much shit for being gay.

He was getting ready for bed and he remembered something. He jumped up and threw on his jeans. Barefoot, he opened the door and crossed the sidewalk to his car. Inside the glovebox was an old paperback book, The Beekeeper’s Bible. He’d found it in his stuff when he unpacked in Seattle. It had been Cas’. Cas always wanted to raise bees. Inside the book was a small photograph. Dean locked the car and took the picture back inside his room. He stared at the picture, frowning. How many years had it been since he’d looked at this, at least twenty. It was taken at one of those cheesy photobooths at the county fair. It was the first time Dean kissed Cas. In the first picture, Cas had his eyes wide open in shock. Dean didn’t remember what happened to that one. Cas took the second one and Dean got this one. They had their arms around each other and both boys had their eyes closed. Dean picked up his wallet from the nightstand and inserted the picture behind his driver’s license.

***

It was Saturday, but Castiel was at the office bright and early. He informed building security that Michael no longer worked there and on Monday, as soon as Michael arrived, he would be escorted to his office and supervised as he packed his things. He sent emails to Crowley and Balthazar informing them of his decision. He also sent an email to their human resources department and let them know the news. Within minutes, he got replies from both of his partners.

**From: Fcrowley@cn &sarchitects.com **

**To: Cnovak@cn &Sarchitects.com **

**05/13/15 10:45 AM**

**Subject: Michael Adams**

**Good fucking riddance. Who are you going to fuck now?**

Crowley was such an ass. And no filter. And an unhealthy obsession with anything sex related.

**From: BSebastian@cn &sarchitects.com **

**To: Cnovak@cn &Sarchitects.com **

**05/13/15 10:49 AM**

**Subject: Michael Adams**

**That’s super, Darling. Glad you finally grew a set.**

It was so nice to have supportive partners. Castiel shook his head and deleted both emails. He answered a few work related emails and then opened the job file for the Reed Building. He stayed engrossed in the design of the project for the next three hours. His cell phone interrupted his progress. He looked at the screen and groaned.

“Hello, Gabriel.”

“Hey, Sweetcheeks. What’s happening?”

“I’m working,” Castiel said shortly. He loved his brother, but the man could make God himself lose his patience.

“It’s Saturday.”

“I am fully aware of what day of the week it is.”

“Of course, you are. I wondered if you saw the news.”

Castiel rubbed his face and exhaled slowly. He knew what ‘news’ Gabriel was referring too. “I try to catch the news every day, Gabriel. In fact, I was just reading about the draught in California.”

“You should look him up, Bro. He’s free as a bird now.”

“Gabriel, I am not discussing Dean Winchester with you. That was over twenty years ago. We’ve both moved on.”

“Is that why you have his entire CD collection?”

“I have Garth Brooks’ entire collection as well. Should I look him up and see if he wants to go steady with me?”

"Nah, he has Trisha Yearwood warming his bed.”

“I’m hanging up now, Gabriel.”

“Fine…hey, how’s the parental unit?”

“Mother is the same, no better, no worse.” Their mother suffered from Alzheimer’s and a few years ago, the two brothers moved her to a nursing facility in Atlanta, so Cas could stay on top of her care. He visited her weekly, but she didn’t remember who he was.

“Alright, Lil Bro. Talk to you later.”

Castiel hung up and realized he wasn’t in the mood to work anymore. It was close to lunch time, he could stop at the grocery store and pick up a few things…maybe have a salad on the balcony and spend the rest of the day just…relaxing. Castiel wasn’t used to not having anything to do. He worked too much. For the last eighteen months, he worked or was with Michael. Perhaps he should get a hobby…too bad he couldn’t keep bees where he lived.

He put the top down on the BMW and pulled into busy Atlanta traffic. He was heading towards his side of town when he passed the sign for the Georgia Aquarium. All the literature he read boasted it was the world’s biggest aquarium. Castiel wasn’t a spontaneous person, but he suddenly pulled into the entrance and found himself pulling his car into the parking deck. After buying his ticket he wandered around looking at all the exhibits until he got to the Ocean Voyager tank. He stood mesmerized by the whale shark slowly swimming around the biggest tank in the world. Castiel felt very insignificant and very alone.

***

From Flagstaff, Dean hit Albuquerque where he ate some awesome Mexican food and met a few fans. He got a text from Sam when he was close to Amarillo that those fan pictures was all over Twitter. He found another hotel room in the Texas town and another small diner. The waitress was a fan and he signed a menu for her. She gave him a large slice of cherry pie on the house. She also made it abundantly clear that she would love to get to know him better. Wink, wink. He politely declined.

**_He got a little further with the new song._ **

**_You try to live your life from day to day_ **

**_But seeing you across the room tonight_ **

**_Just gives me away_ **

**_Cause the heart won't lie_ **

**_And sometimes life gets in the way_ **

**_But there's one thing that won't change_ **

What would he do if he saw Cas again? Wait…where the fuck did that come from? Cas gave up on them. Dean didn’t care if he ever saw him again.

That night his dreams were of two young boys lying across the hood of a black car, gazing up at the stars.

The next morning, he decided to head to Austin. He could drop off some of the stuff he’d been hauling around in his trunk. He called Sam from the road and told him his plans. Then he called Benny. Benny thought he should spend a couple of days there and wanted to arrange a few interviews. Dean had to admit that Benny’s suggestion they get everyone’s mind off the divorce was a good one. Dean agreed to the interviews.

He pulled into his driveway just after seven on Sunday night. He typed in the key code for the gates. Dean hadn’t been back to this house since the wedding. He parked the Impala in the garage next to his pickup truck and a golf cart. The golf cart was used to go back and forth to the riverfront where he had a boathouse. The only things kept in it were a pair of Wave Runners.

Dean roamed around the large house, unable to settle down. He took his sheet music from his guitar case and went to the music room. The acoustics were excellent in the room and he sat down on the piano bench and played a few songs just to warm up his fingers. Music came easily to Dean. His mother insisted both Sam and Dean learn to play the piano. Her piano was sold before they left Kansas…another thing that caused the rift between Dean and his father. Dean taught himself to play the guitar. He wasn’t the most popular kid in the new school, so he stayed to himself. The music teacher let him come and practice on the school’s guitar during his free period.

It was that same music teacher that heard Dean singing one day and talked him into participating in the local talent show. That was unofficially the beginning of Dean’s career. After leaving Kansas, Dean’s grades dropped and there was no way he was getting into college, so he took a job as a bartender. One slow night, he picked up the guitar left by the musical guest while he was on a break. The bar manager heard him play and asked him if he could sing. Dean belted out Wanted, Dead or Alive by Bon Jovi and the next Tuesday through Thursday found him singing in the lounge. That’s where Benny Lafitte discovered him.

Dean stood up and paced the floor, humming to himself. The first part of the song came easy. Why was he having problems now? Cas was why, Cas and that damn song. Of all the songs to hear…and all the memories came rushing back.

He wrote. He played the chords and wrote some more. He stayed up until the wee hours of the morning, but he finished it.

**_I know I've tried_ **

**_The heart won't lie_ **

**_You can live your alibi_ **

**_Who can see you're lost inside?_ **

**_A foolish disguise_ **

**_The heart won't lie_ **

**_Long after tonight_ **

**_Will you still hear my voice through the radio?_ **

**_Old desires make us act carelessly_ **

**_Long after the night, after the fire_ **

**_After the scattered ashes fly_ **

**_Through the four winds blown and gone_ **

**_Will you come back to me?_ **

**_You try to live your life from day to day_ **

_**But seeing you across the room tonight** _

_**Just gives me away** _

_**Cause the heart won't lie** _

_**Sometimes life gets in the way** _

_**But there's one thing that won't change** _

_**I know I've tried** _

_**The heart won't lie** _

_**You can live your alibi** _

_**Who can see you're lost inside?** _

_**A foolish disguise** _

_**The heart won't lie** _

_**The heart won't lie** _

As he lay in bed that night, he knew what he had to do. Wasn’t it something all those psycho-babble people said? Closure? He’d never had closure with Cas. Maybe that’s what his subconscious was telling him with the song lyrics.

Dean got up and drove into the city. His first interview was with a disc jockey on the local country radio station. He told the interviewer up front that he would not answer any questions about the divorce. True to his word, the man asked him questions about his last tour, what he was working on now and if his next tour would have a stop in Austin.

His other interview was with the local paper. They asked the same kinds of questions and Dean gave the right types of answers. Years with Benny taught him a lot about media coverage. The newspaper took his photograph with him wearing his white cowboy hat, the one he wore for all his concerts.

One more night in Austin and then he was on the road to New Orleans. Now, he was on a mission. The sightseeing part of the trip was over. He was headed for Atlanta.

“Why are you going to Atlanta?” Sam asked later that night.

Dean hesitated before answering. He could usually tell Sam anything and he was sure Sam remembered Cas. “I found Cas.”

“Cas…as in Cas from Kansas…the one you were…”

“Yeah, that Cas.”

“Are you sure this is a good idea?”

“Why do you always ask me that?” Dean asked as he smiled at the desk clerk and took his key card. She didn’t recognize him with the Dallas Cowboys baseball hat pulled over his eyes.

“Because you’ve been known to make some bad decisions, Dean. You just signed the divorce papers on one of those bad decisions.”

“Bite me, Bitch.” There was no venom in the words. Dean knew Sam was right about some of his decisions.

“Jerk.”

Dean pulled into Atlanta at close to six the following evening. The GPS on his phone brought him to a highrise office building near the Georgia Aquarium. Dean knew it was too late to find Cas now. He’d go to the fancy ass office tomorrow and ask to speak to the man himself. He wanted to ask the bastard why he didn’t answer his letters. He needed to hear it from Cas’ mouth. Then he could leave Atlanta, go to Nashville and get on with his life. Maybe he could find someone who he could really love. He’d get Cas completely out of his system. He’d even celebrate by taking a match to the picture currently in his wallet.

He turned the car around to find a hotel nearby and saw the Georgia Aquarium sign again. He remembered Sam’s love for the ocean. The kid had wanted to be a marine biologist and save the sea turtles or some shit like that. Dean whipped the Impala into the entrance.

He had an evening to kill, might as well see what all the fuss was about. “What the hell?” He pulled on his baseball cap, having traded his contacts for glasses that morning, he didn’t look like the Dean Winchester that drew sellout crowds at concert venues all over the country.

***

Castiel should have gotten a yearly pass. This was the fifth evening in a row he’d gone to the aquarium. He found it relaxed him. The evenings weren’t nearly as crowded and he could stand and stare at the graceful sea creatures without hundreds of tourists clamoring to be the closest to the thick glass walls holding back millions of gallons of water.

He pulled into the parking deck and his eye caught a familiar shape. He screeched to a stop, causing the car behind him to tap their horn. The car was an exact replica of Dean’s old Impala. There were California plates on the thing. The warm feeling of nostalgia rolled over him. The car honked again and Castiel moved on.

After all these nights, Castiel knew the aquarium well. He went straight for the whale shark’s enclosure. He had a routine now. Whale sharks first, then to the River Scout and he always ended up at Coldwater Quest because the beluga whales were adorably friendly and came to the glass to interact with people. They made him smile and unfortunately, that was a rarity these days.

That’s where he found himself an hour later. He walked up to the glass and waited. A few yards away, another lone man stood at the glass. He was wearing a ball cap and very tight jeans. Very tight jeans. Too bad Castiel was not looking and would not be looking for a very long time. That’s what they made hands and vibrators for.

Three of the belugas came forward. Castiel smiled at them and they seemed to smile back. He reached his hand to the glass and one got very close. It was the smallest and Castiel had given it the nickname Sammy, for obvious reasons.

“These guys are kind of cute.” The other man said and for a second, Castiel was swept back in time. Castiel turned and stared straight into Dean Winchester’s beautiful emerald green eyes. He was too shocked to speak. Dean was wearing glasses and his cap was pulled low, but it was him.

“Cas?” Castiel felt like he was going to pass out. He closed his eyes and placed his hand on the glass wall for support. When he opened them again, Dean was still there. It wasn’t a dream. Dean looked just as shocked as Castiel felt.

“Dean…” He took a step forward, but then he saw Dean’s face and stopped. There was nothing loving or even remotely friendly there.

“It’s funny, I had all this shit I wanted to say to you. Questions I needed to ask, but now…” Dean pulled off his ball cap and ran his fingers through his closely cropped hair. “Fuck you, Cas. I loved you. I loved you with everything I had and you just wrote me off. I was just one last fucking fling before college. I wanted to know why…but you know what…I don’t care…not anymore.”

Dean turned and walked away, shoulders tight with tension. It took Castiel just about three seconds for his mind to compute everything that Dean had said. How dare he accuse Castiel of writing him off…

“You bastard…you were supposed to write me…were supposed to let me know how to find you once you got to Washington. I waited, Dean. I waited for you. I came close to flunking out my first semester because my heart was in thousands of pieces.”

Dean stopped. He didn’t turn around. “I wrote letters. Lots of them. You never answered…not one.”

“No…that’s not true…I never…”

He turned around, frowning, eyebrows knitted together. “I mailed them…” And then something like horror crossed his face. “My dad…”

Castiel needed to sit down…his eyes fell on a bench and he sank down on it. His hands were trembling so he clasped them together. He looked at the floor, his mind in overdrive. Dean had written him. Castiel knew without a shadow of doubt that Dean was telling the truth. All those years…wasted…because of Dean’s bigoted father. John Winchester had never liked him, never liked his son being with Castiel. Oh, he didn’t forbid Dean from seeing Castiel, but Castiel wasn’t allowed in their home.

“I thought you found someone older…” Dean sat down on the bench. Not close, at the other end.

“No…” Castiel shook his head, still looking at the floor. “No,” Castiel whispered.

“We’re closing in ten minutes,” A young woman in the familiar polo shirt of the aquarium staff said, walking up to them.

Dean looked up at her and the girl faltered. “Oh my God, you’re Dean Winchester.”

Dean flashed her a smile. “Yes, ma’am.”

Castiel watched how quickly Dean fell into the persona he was sure Dean used with his adoring public.

“Can…oh, God…can I have a picture? Please?” The girl was practically bouncing on her feet.

“Sure.” Dean stood up and wrapped his arm around the girl while she took a selfie of the two of them. Castiel stood and put his hands in the pockets of his jeans. This more mature Dean was just as handsome…no, even more so. The beautiful boy had turned into an even more beautiful man. He was filled out, not rail thin anymore. The freckles were still there and that made him smile. Castiel remembered lying with Dean on a blanket in the park and trying to count them.

The girl escorted the two men out, neither speaking until they were outside the gate. “Cas…”

“Dean, I…”

Both stopped and Dean gave him a small smile. “You first.”

“I…would…would you like to have a drink and…talk?”

“Yeah…I think…maybe that would be good.”

“My apartment isn’t far from here. I have beer…wine…” Castiel realized he knew nothing about this new version of Dean Winchester. His Dean loved Coke, baseball, pepperoni pizza and classic rock albums.

“Sure…if you give me the address, I can plug it into my GPS. I don’t think I could follow you in Atlanta traffic.”

They stopped at the Impala and Castiel grinned. “I saw her when I was parking.” He ran his hands over the rear fender. “It brought back so many memories. I just didn’t think you would still have her.”

Dean’s face reddened. Castiel tilted his head, understanding dawning. Dean was remembering that summer of sex as well. “Yeah, well, she’s had a few facelifts, but I could never part with her.”

Castiel gave Dean his address and left Dean at the Impala while he walked the rest of the distance to his car. Dean was idling near the exit when Castiel passed him. His hands tightened on the wheel. Did he still have feelings for Dean? Before today, he would have said no, but that would have been a lie. There was an old saying that went, ‘you never forget your first love’. It was true.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song was written by Kim Carnes and sung by Reba McIntire. I took writer's prerogative and made it Dean's.


	3. Behind Closed Doors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Twenty years is such a long time...can Dean and Cas get back what they had?

Dean got behind the wheel and waited until Cas walked on to his car. That’s when his hands began to tremble. His fucking father…he’d known Cas was telling the truth, just by the sound of his voice…like...like maybe he was dying inside. His father never mailed all those letters. His own father had destroyed Cas and Dean’s future together. All these wasted years…gone…gone because Dean’s father wanted his son to be straight. But there was no use hating a dead man.

He pulled out and waited at the exit. When Cas passed him, he followed behind him. As he predicted, he lost Cas in the busy Atlanta traffic, but his GPS pointed him in the right direction. Twenty minutes later, Dean parked in front of an older looking building. If Cas’ car wasn’t parked out front, Dean would have sworn the place was an old office building instead of apartments. Cas was waiting at a large metal door.

“You live here?” Dean looked up at the ten story building. It looked kind of shabby outside. Dean had imagined the successful architect to live in some fancy condo or ritzy house with a pool and built in sauna. 

“Yes. It was an office building built in the sixties. I designed lofts and studio apartments for the owner and I really liked my design, so I bought one of them.”

“Cool…I guess.” 

Cas led him into a lobby of sorts and pushed the button for the elevator. The lobby was pretty nice, lots of live plants and a marble floor. Once inside the elevator, Cas pushed the button for the tenth floor. They rode in silence. It had been over twenty years…what did you say to someone after all that time? Dean knew nothing about Cas other than what he’d read on the internet.

“So, how’s your mom and Gabe?”

“Mother is in a nursing home with Alzheimer’s. Gabriel is living in California…he’s in the film business.”

“Sorry about your mom. That must be tough.” Dean thought it wise not to mention Gabe’s film business. 

“She’s getting the best care money can buy.” Dean heard the bitterness in Cas’ voice. There didn’t seem to be any love lost there. Then again, Cas’ mother hadn’t been Mother of the Year. Dean decided that was a subject that he probably shouldn’t bring up again. He was saved from making more small talk when the elevator doors opened. They stepped out into a small vestibule. Cas pulled a key ring out of his pocket and unlocked another large metal door.

Cas motioned Dean to enter first and he stopped just inside the door. “Wow.” He didn’t expect this. Cas’ apartment took up the entire floor and it was two stories. The main floor was all open and then there was a loft. Huge arched windows were on every side and the lights of downtown Atlanta could be seen. The kitchen was all stainless steel and clean lines. 

“It looks old on the outside because we wanted to keep the original façade, but the interior was completely gutted.”

“This is awesome, Cas.” These were some fancy digs. It reminded him of the house in L.A. An interior designer picked out everything. It was pretty, but not really a home. Dean’s Austin house had lots of photographs and things he’d picked up around the country. His gold records and awards were on the mantels and his books were all around the house. This place was nice, but not lived in. The pictures on the wall were abstracts and the books on the coffee table were those oversized picture books that no one ever bothered to look at.

“You don’t like it.” It wasn’t a question. Dean turned and Cas was watching him, head tilted sideways. Some things never changed. It was adorable at eighteen and even more adorable…no…no…no. They were going to talk, catch up and then Dean was leaving. They were two different people now. Dean couldn’t afford to get involved with Cas again.

“No…I like it.” At Cas’ look, Dean shrugged. “It looks like something out of Architectural Digest.”

“It was in Architectural Digest. The June 2014 issue.” Cas didn’t say it like he was bragging. It was more like he was just stating a fact. It made Dean smile.

“Of course, it was.” 

Cas was looking around the place now. He looked like he was really concentrating. “It lacks warmth.”

“Hey, all you need is a few books, some pictures and maybe a pool table.”

“I don’t play pool.”

“Okay, a ping pong table.”

“I don’t play…”

“What do you do for fun?” Dean asked, his interest peaked.

“Fun?” Cas said it like it was a foreign concept. “I really don’t…I suppose I read…I’ve grown fond of the aquarium…”

“Don’t you date? Or do you have a significant other?” Dean could have bitten his tongue. He didn’t want to know if Cas loved someone. He didn’t want to imagine those hands touching… Damn it, it didn’t matter.”

“I was…seeing someone…but that is over now.”

***  
Castiel wondered the reasoning behind Dean’s question. Was it just curiosity? Or something else? No, there was too much water under the bridge. Dean couldn’t ever be interested in him again. Dean had been married. To a woman. A very beautiful woman.

“Sorry to hear that.”

“It was way past time for it to end.” Castiel needed something to do with his hands, because he had the sudden urge to touch Dean’s beautiful face…to count those damned freckles. “Would you prefer beer or something else?”

“Beer’s good.” Dean followed Castiel to kitchen area and sat down on one of the bar stools at the island. Castiel opened the refrigerator and pulled out two bottles of Sweetwater’s IPA. He twisted off the caps and handed one to Dean and then leaned against the counter.

Dean looked at the label and pursed his lips. “Locally brewed, huh?”

“Yes. The brewery is here in Atlanta.”

They were silent for a time. Castiel found himself staring at Dean’s hands as they peeled at the label. Dean was staring intently at the label and it looked like he was a million miles away.

“Dean?”

Dean looked up. “Yeah?”

“Why are you in Atlanta?”

Dean pushed the bottle away and stood up. He walked over to one of the windows, his hands in his back pockets. “I came to find you.”

Castiel’s heart rate quickened. “Why?”

“I…I needed ‘closure’. I know it sounds stupid…”

“Closure? I don’t understand, Dean. You’re famous, talented and have millions of fans. You obviously haven’t had problems getting on with your life.”

“I thought so too.” Dean didn’t turn around. Castiel needed to see his eyes. This was a conversation that was twenty-one years, ten months and fifteen days in the making. Yes, Castiel knew the exact count because he’d never gotten over Dean Winchester. And that made him pretty damn pathetic.

He walked over and stood beside Dean. Dean glanced over at him and Castiel held his gaze. “Do you remember that song you played for me…the last night…”

“Carrying My Love with You.”

“Yeah…I just signed my divorce papers…and I needed to get away from…everything. I stopped at a gas station to get a drink and that…that damn song started playing on their stereo system.” Dean closed his eyes and turned back towards the view. “I hated you, Cas. I really hated you.”

Castiel had nothing to say to that. Those words were like a physical blow. Dean hated him. He hated him and none of it was Castiel’s fault. He wasn’t to blame. Dean’s own father…well, it didn’t matter anymore. Dean would be leaving soon and that would be it. He’d never see him again.

“Do you have anything stronger than beer?” Dean’s words were soft. 

“I have a stocked bar.” He’d kept it for Michael. Michael was a heavy drinker. Castiel just liked an occasional glass of wine or a beer. Of course, after tonight, Castiel would probably find a bottle to drown in. “What would you like?”

“Whiskey.”

Castiel moved across the expanse of floor to the end of the living room. “I have Jamesons, Maker’s Mark and Jack Daniels.”

“Jamesons.”

He poured some of the Irish whiskey into a small glass. He caught movement out of the corner of his eye and realized Dean had followed him to the bar. He handed the drink to Dean and their fingers brushed. Castiel hissed and Dean pulled back causing the amber liquid to spill over his hand. Castiel looked everywhere but at the younger man.

The empty glass clunked down on the bar. Castiel finally looked up. “Another?”

Castiel poured in the same amount as before. He watched Dean throw it back. Again, the glass was sat on the bar. Castiel didn’t have to ask again. He just filled the glass. When Dean picked it up, Castiel decided that he wasn’t going to give him anymore. He moved from behind the bar and went to the kitchen to retrieve his beer.

He heard the clink of the bottle hitting the lip of the glass. If Dean wanted to drown himself in alcohol, Castiel couldn’t stop him. He was a grown man. Castiel settled on one of the bar stools facing away from Dean. A minute passed before there was another clink of glass hitting glass. That made five. Once Castiel counted seven, he turned to look at Dean. 

***  
The whiskey was making him numb. Seeing Cas again wasn’t his best idea. It was a huge fucking mistake. Cas wasn’t an eighteen year old kid anymore. He was a forty year old man…successful, rich…fucking gorgeous and by all accounts, lonely. Lonely like Dean. There were a few signs of the young Cas still in there…the confused tilt of his head…the ghost of a smile when Dean said something funny…his unruly hair that Cas could never tame…and those eyes that Dean lost himself in.

Cas had his back to Dean. He was sitting on the bar stool, back hunched over the counter, hands clasped under his chin like he was praying. He grabbed the bottle of whiskey…to hell with the glass. He took a few steps and stumbled. Cas was looking at him now. Dean lifted the bottle and took a swig.

“I wasn’t in love with her.” He knew his words were a bit slurred and he wasn’t sure why he was telling Cas that.

“Your wife?” Cas just stared at him. With those damn eyes…

“Jo. Jo was…she was great. She caught me with my dick in some stranger’s mouth…on our honeymoon.” Dean laugh sounded harsh. God, his life was so fucked up.

“Dean…put the bottle down. You’ve had enough.”

“Enough? Fuck you, Cas.” He took another big drink. The whiskey burning his throat. “Fuck you. I…loved you so fuckin’ much.”

Dean woke up in a strange bed, sun streaming through huge windows. He groaned. His head felt like it was going to explode. He was still in his jeans and t-shirt, but his boots were on the floor by the bed. He tried to sit up and his stomach rolled. He was going to be sick. Where was he? More importantly, where was the bathroom? He stood and almost ran from the room. Eyes wide, he looked around. He spied the tile floor and ran inside, slamming the door shut behind him. He barely made it to the toilet.

He stayed on his knees, forehead pressed to the cool porcelain. There was a soft knock. Who? Oh, God. The night’s event came back in glorious Technicolor. 

“Dean? Are you okay?” Cas’ deep voice came through the door. He’d noticed last night how Cas’ voice was like rich Kentucky bourbon, aged in an oak barrel. Smooth with a hint of smokiness.

“Yeah…give me a minute.”

“Take as long as you need. I have aspirin and a glass of water waiting on the kitchen counter.”

“Thanks.” Dean used the counter to pull himself up. He saw his reflection in the mirror and groaned. He looked like forty miles of bad road. He turned on the tap and used his hands to splash water on his face. Time to face the music. He took a deep breath, counted to ten and opened the door. He was up in the loft area. Looking down into the living room, he didn’t see Cas. Navigating the stairs took all his strength and ability. His mouth tasted like someone took a shit in it. 

The aspirin and water were where Cas said they’d be. There was also an empty mug sitting next to one of those fancy coffeemakers like he had in the L.A. house. Had, being the operative word. It was Jo’s now. Dean swallowed the two pills and drank the entire glass of cold water. Then he took the empty glass and rolled it over his forehead. The cool glass felt good.

“I have some juice in the refrigerator, if you would prefer that to coffee.” 

Dean turned around and Cas was standing there. Fuck. The man was wearing a bathrobe. Dark blue and the vee showed a whole bunch of skin. He swallowed and turned away. “Coffee’s fine.”

He felt Cas’ eyes on him. He poured the coffee and looked around for the sugar. A hand…Cas’ hand appeared to his left with a small ceramic container and a spoon. “Thanks.”

“Look, I’m sorry about last night…”

“Dean, you don’t have to apologize.”

“Yeah…well…let me have some coffee and then I’ll get out of your hair. Don’t want to make you late for work.”

“I’ve already called my office and informed them I wasn’t coming in.” 

Dean wished the guy would go put some fucking clothes on. It was pretty damn obvious he wasn’t wearing pants under there. Was he naked? Was he wearing underwear? Cas used to wear those stupid plain white boxers like old men wore. Dean was stuck wearing tighty whities because that’s all his mother bought him.

“I laid out a toothbrush and a towel. You should probably take a shower, it might make you feel better.”

“Thanks.” Dean took a sip of his coffee. 

***  
Castiel hadn’t slept well. Knowing Dean was in his house, just in the next room…

Dean was very close to passing out when Castiel helped him up the stairs. They’d fallen at one point, Dean landing on top of Castiel and he panicked, pushing Dean off so fast they almost rolled back down the stairs. 

He’d debated on undressing Dean, but knew it would be a mistake. He settled for just pulling off Dean’s cowboy boots and dropping them to the floor next to the guest bed.

Castiel woke to the sound of his alarm and he was reaching in a drawer for a pair of running shorts when he remembered. Instead of going for his morning run, he called the office and told Hannah’s voice mail that he would be working from home today.

Pulling on a pair of boxer briefs, he went downstairs to brew the coffee. Once it was done, he fixed a cup and took it out to the balcony. Atlanta was waking up. He could see the interstate from here and cars were already speeding through the city. Once he finished his coffee, he went back inside and that’s when he heard the retching. He empathized with Dean. He quickly laid out two aspirin and filled a glass with cold water from the fridge. 

Taking a deep fortifying breath, Castiel mounted the steps. Outside the guest bathroom door, he paused. More retching was followed by silence. He knocked softy and asked if Dean was okay.

Dean voice sounded raw, but he responded in the affirmative. Castiel told him about the aspirin and water and then left him in peace. He went back to his room and found his bathrobe behind the bathroom door and pulled it on, loosely tying the belt around his waist. He was halfway down the stairs when he saw Dean at the counter, holding the glass to his forehead. 

They exchanged a few words and then Dean apologized. Castiel took that moment to really look at the man. Last night, he was Dean Winchester, country music star…this morning, he was more like the teenager that moved away and left him behind. His hair was flat on one side, a red crease ran across one cheek, and his clothes were wrinkled. 

He left him in the kitchen, drinking his coffee, while he went upstairs to shower and dress. Walking around half naked with Dean in the house wasn’t a good idea. Not that he had anything to worry about where Dean was concerned, but he would just feel more prepared for Dean’s departure.

His shower was quick and since he wasn’t going to work, he didn’t bother shaving. Dressed in jeans and a polo shirt, Castiel passed the guest bathroom on his way back downstairs. The shower was going and he stopped. His hand came up to rest on the wooden door. Dean was on the other side, gloriously naked and wet. Another memory caught Castiel off guard…Dean at the lake, wet and tan, laughing at something Castiel said. It was June and the water had been refreshing. He’d been so turned on that he dragged Dean out of the water and led him into the woods. Castiel had dropped to his knees and pulled down Dean’s cutoff jeans. It had been the first time he’d held Dean’s cock in his mouth.

“No.” The word was strangled. Castiel pushed down on his growing erection. He wasn’t allowed to think about Dean that way, not anymore. Never again.

Castiel looked up from his laptop when Dean came down the stairs. His color was better. He was wearing the same wrinkled clothes as before.

“I’ve got to go…” Dean stood, shifting his weight from one booted foot to the other. 

“Of course.” Castiel stood. 

“So…I guess this is goodbye?” Dean took a few steps towards the door.

Castiel held it together until the metal door clanged shut behind Dean. Then he fell to his knees and wept. Deep sobs that came from the dark abyss that was his soul.


	4. Always On My Mind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the angst in the last chapter and I apologize in advance because it continues in this one. But it will be okay...happily ever after and all that fluff stuff.

Dean was fine. At least, that’s what he kept telling himself. He’d left Cas and Atlanta in his rearview mirror. The Impala ate up the miles. Next stop, Nashville. He had friends there. In another week, he’d be in the studio cutting his next CD. Life would go on.

He woke the next morning next to a brunette he didn’t remember meeting. “Hey, Darling…wake up. Let’s get you home.”

She rolled over and stared wide eyed at him. Wide blue eyes. Apparently, she’d been as drunk as Dean. “It wasn’t a dream,” she whispered.

“No, Sugar.” Dean stood up. He was wearing his jeans. “Look, Sweetheart, I’m going to go call you a cab. Why don’t you get dressed?”

“Sure…anything you want…..” She stood up. She was naked. He averted his eyes and left his bedroom. Christ, he brought some strange woman to his house. Fuck, another rule broken. He quickly phoned for a cab and grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge. He chugged it down and felt a little better.

“I love your house.” Now that the woman was more awake, she had a predatory look about her.

“Thanks. The cab is on its way.”

She played with the button on her white sundress. “We could have some fun while we wait.”

“No. I’ve got some stuff to take care of this morning.” Dean put the center island of the kitchen between them and didn’t offer her any coffee. He heard the honk outside and thanked all that was holy for taxis. He led the way outside and stuffed a fifty dollar bill into the cabby’s hand.

“I left my number in your room. Call me sometime.” She leaned up and tried to kiss him on his lips but he turned and she got his cheek instead.

“Sure.” He managed a smile for the woman.

Back in the house, he poured the rest of his coffee down the drain. He just wanted to go back to sleep and pretend yesterday and the day before didn’t happen. Needing to take a piss, he entered his bathroom and he choked out a bitter laugh. She’d left her number alright. Written in lipstick on the mirror was her name and phone number.

He checked the trashcan and didn’t see a condom. He ran to the bedroom and checked around the bed, then he ripped off the bedspread and top sheet. Fuck, fuck, fuck. He worked himself up into a blind panic.

“Calm down, Asshole.” He stopped, breathing heavily, in the middle of the room. “Think.”

He’d woke up wearing jeans…that was a good thing, right? Disgusted, he walked over to the bed and looked at the fitted sheet…no bodily fluids that he could see. He’d been pretty fucking drunk.

Dean fell across the bed and slept. He woke once to the sound of his phone ringing, but he ignored it. The next time he woke it was dark outside. He picked up his phone but the battery was dead. He dropped it on the floor beside the bed and closed his eyes.

A loud banging followed by the ringing of the doorbell roused Dean. “What…fuck…” He looked around, groaned and covered his head with a pillow.

“Dean Winchester!” A voice called out from downstairs.

Dean rolled over on his back. Charlie. Fuck, why was she here?

“Dean, Sam’s worried sick.” The voice was in the room with him and he forced his eyes open. She was staring down at him, looking furious. She picked up his phone, looked at it and tossed it on his chest. Still giving him the evil eye, she made a call on hers.

“Sam, he’s here. He looks totally fucked up, but it’s nothing some coffee and a shower won’t fix. Yeah, I’ll have him call you as soon as he’s human again.”

“I’m fine, Charlie. Just tired.”

Sam hasn’t heard from you since you told him you were going to Atlanta. He and Benny were about ready to file a missing persons report.”

“It’s only been two days, Charlie. Sam needs to take a chill pill.

“It’s Sunday, Dean.”

“What?” Dean sat up. “Sunday…no, you’re wrong, Charlie. It’s only Friday.”

Charlie sat on the edge of his bed and gave him a look filled with pity. “Dean, what’s going on? I thought you wanted the divorce?”

“Huh? I did…” Understanding dawned on him. “Shit, Charlie, I’m not in some funk about Jo. Jesus.”

“What are we supposed to think? You sign the papers and the very same day you take off on some road trip across the country. Then Sam tells me you’re looking up an old flame for high school, now you’ve lost a few days...”

He looked at Charlie and took her hand. Charlie was one of the best friends he had. When he was on tour, she was his assistant. She handled his life for him. “Trust me, this isn’t about the fucking divorce.”

“Then what is it about? Did seeing your old girlfriend mess with your head? Was she fat and married with three kids?”

Dean groaned and fell back on the pillow. “No, he was successful, rich and fucking hot.”

“Oh.” Charlie’s eyes were wide. “Oh,” she repeated.

They were both silent. Well, Dean was silent. Charlie was humming _Always on My Mind_ , while she twirled a lock of her long, red hair around her finger.

“Stop. Please for the love of God, stop humming.”

“So…did you do it?” She asked softly.

Dean furrowed his brow. “What?”

“It. You know…with your old…boyfriend.”

“Christ Almighty, Charlie. No, I didn’t...do it.” Dean moaned and covered his face with his pillow again.

“Did you want to?”

Dean couldn’t answer that. He wanted to lie and he was actually formulating one in his head, but he waited too long.

“You did!”

“Shut up, Charlie. We are going to pretend this conversation never happened, okay?”

“But, Dean…”

“Never happened.”

***

Castiel woke Saturday morning with a hangover. He looked at the alarm clock by the bed and knew he should get up and go to the office. He hadn’t been in since the day Dean left. He’d spent the last two days watching mindless television. Who knew there were so many ‘reality’ shows on.

Hannah and his partners thought he was sick and were covering for him as best as they could, but he knew the Reed project was due to be finished by this coming Wednesday.

He felt better after his shower, at least physically. He winced when he saw himself in the mirror. Four days without shaving made him look pretty scruffy. Fuck it…it was Saturday. There wouldn’t be any clients in the office.

Downstairs, he had his car keys in his hand and then he stopped. His eyes drifted to the bookcase that held his very expensive stereo system. He went to it and picked up the tall stack of Dean’s CDs. There were fifteen along with three greatest hits CDs. He took the eighteen plastic cases and slowly and deliberately dropped them in the kitchen trash can. Then he walked out the door.

Castiel sat at his desk and worked until well after midnight. He needed to do a little tweeking on Monday and it would be ready to present to the client.

The next week passed in a blur. Castiel worked until late every night and then slept. It wasn’t a natural sleep because Dean haunted his thoughts. Nope, it was a drug induced sleep. He took over the counter sleeping aids every night. While he lay in bed waiting for them to work, he watched TV. Castiel never watched much TV, he thought most of the stuff on was just bubblegum for the mind. Now, he was addicted to a show called Sherlock. He was very glad Michael ordered Netflix. Unfortunately, he’d just watched the last episode. He flipped his Smart TV back to the regular networks and caught the intro for Jimmy Kimmel Live. His finger on the off button, he aimed the remote and that’s when he heard it.

“Tonight, our musical guest is country music legend Dean Winchester. Stay tuned everybody.”

Castiel turned the TV off and sat in the silence. He turned off his lamp and then he turned it back on. He turned the television back on. A commercial about Mr. Clean Magic Eraser was playing. Absentmindedly, Castiel wondered if his housekeeper would like one of those.

He pushed the pillows under his head so he could get comfortable and still see the TV. He listened to the host go through his monologue. He listened to Mark Harmon talk about a spinoff from his show. Castiel had no idea what type of show the actor was in and didn’t particularly care, even if the man was incredibly sexy.

Another commercial break and then there he was. Dean strode out on stage, wearing a white cowboy hat, tight jeans, a red western shirt and boots. He was carrying his guitar. He leaned it against the couch and sat down beside Mark Harmon. The host and his two guests exchanged a few pleasantries. Kimmel asked him about a new CD and Dean informed him that he was in the studio putting one together and it should be out by early December.

“Are you singing a song from the new CD tonight?”

The flash of white teeth and that wonderful smile squeezed Castiel’s heart until he couldn’t breathe.

“No, I’m borrowing a song from a friend of mine tonight. It was written by Tony Arata, but you are probably very familiar with the guy who made if famous and I’m glad to say his a good friend. At this time in my life, it means something special. It’s called The Dance by Garth Brooks.”

**_Looking back_ **

**_On the memory of_ **

**_The dance we shared_ **

**_'Neath the stars above_ **

**_For a moment_ **

**_All the world was right_ **

**_How could I have known_ **

**_That you'd ever say goodbye_ **

Castiel focused on Dean’s lips as he sang the song. In his heart, Castiel knew Dean was singing this to Jo Harvelle. In his drunken state, he’d talked about his feelings for the woman. He’d basically said he been caught with another man on their honeymoon. Perhaps if he hadn’t been caught, Dean and Jo would still be married. He obviously cared deeply for the woman. He loved her enough to marry her.

**_And now_ **

**_I'm glad I didn't know_ **

**_The way it all would end_ **

**_The way it all would go_ **

**_Our lives_ **

**_Are better left to chance_ **

**_I could have missed the pain_ **

**_But I'd have had to miss_ **

**_The dance_ **

 

_**Holding you** _

_**I held everything** _

_**For a moment** _

_**Wasn't I a king** _

_**But if I'd only known** _

_**How the king would fall** _

_**Hey who's to say** _

_**You know I might have changed it all** _

The camera zoomed in on Dean’s face and his eyes were hooded. It was like he was imagining his ex-wife, the look of sorrow was etched on his face.

 

**_And now_ **

**_I'm glad I didn't know_ **

**_The way it all would end_ **

**_The way it all would go_ **

**_Our lives_ **

**_Are better left to chance_ **

**_I could have missed the pain_ **

**_But I'd have had to miss_ **

**_The dance_ **

 

**_Yes my life_ **

**_It's better left to chance_ **

**_I could have missed the pain_ **

**_But I'd have had to miss_ **

**_The dance_ **

The studio audience applauded and Dean smiled brightly at them, but Castiel could see the sadness in his eyes.

Jimmy Kimmel was standing and clapping when Dean returned to his seat on the couch. Mark Harmon patted him on his back as he sat.

“Beautiful song, Dean. Without getting too personal, was that meant for your lovely ex, Jo Harvelle?”

Dean’s lips tightened for just a split second, if you weren’t paying very close attention, you would have missed it.

“Jo and I are still friends. I hope we always will be, and while that particular song could be about our failed marriage, in this case, it is dedicated to a very old friend.”

Castiel’s heart beat faster. Surely, he couldn’t be talking about Castiel.

***

Charlie was waiting for Dean in the Green Room once Dean left the sound stage. “What was that all about? You were supposed to sing Moonlight Kisses from the new CD.”

“Just felt like singing something different,” Dean mumbled. In all honesty, it was a last minute decision. After a lot of soul searching, Dean knew he would not have changed his young love of Cas for anything in the world. Garth’s song summed up his feelings. Maybe Cas would see it, maybe he wouldn’t. That bridge was burned and even he wanted to, he didn’t think he could find his way back.

“Dean, I’m worried about you. Benny and Sam are worried about you. You’re off your game.” Dean knew she was right. The sessions in the studio had been an expensive waste of time. Dean argued with the sound guys about the arrangements and he even snapped at the studio musicians a few times. Finally, Benny told him he was canceling the sessions until Dean could get his head out of his ass.

He spent a lot of time alone in the pretty house in Nashville. Normally, when he was in the city, the house was filled with friends and people in the business, but he didn’t want company. He could barely tolerate Charlie and her knowing looks. She’d tried to get him to talk about Cas a few times, but he’d lock himself in his bedroom or the music room and not come out until she’d gone for the day. He was being an asshole.

That night, instead of dreaming of two young men and their naïve outlook on the future…Dean dreamed of an older Cas. Dean moaned in his sleep, kicking the sheets off so that his nude body was visible in the moonlight. His dream strongly resembled the new music video for his new song Moonlight Kisses, but instead of the petite blonde actress…the person lying on the blanket by the river was Cas. The moon was full and his body was so pale in the blueish light. Dean was beside him, shirtless, his jeans unbuttoned, his hand resting on Cas’ hip. Their lips barely brushing as Cas’ hand wrapped around Dean’s neck and pulled him down. The kissed deepened and Dean let his hand drift to the obvious erection in Cas’ jeans. In his dream, Dean could hear the rush of the river behind them, he could see Cas’ face clearly in the moonlight and God, he could even smell Cas scent.

Dean woke, breathless and sweaty. He sat up in bed and rubbed his face. His belly and thighs were sticky with the evidence of his release. A wet dream…he couldn’t even remember the last time he had one. The clock by the bed said it was four o’clock. He wasn’t going back to sleep any time soon.

The cool shower and the glass of Wild Turkey helped ease the feeling that his nerve endings were trying to claw their way through his skin. He sat on his back porch and watched the sunrise. Charlie found him asleep in the porch swing. She poked him and he grunted, trying to sit up without falling out of the moving swing. She picked up the empty bottle of bourbon that was at his feet.

“Dean, I love you, but I can’t stand by and watch you self-destruct. Benny isn’t even scheduling any appearances for you. Sammy’s threatening to fly out here and do some sort of intervention.”

“Fuck, Charlie…don’t I pay you to keep people off my back?” As soon as the words left his mouth, he wished he could call them back. The hurt in Charlie’s eyes just about killed him. She stood up without a word and the door slammed behind her.

Dean stumbled getting off the swing, but managed to catch up with her as she was opening the door to her little, yellow Volkswagen. He grabbed the door. “Charlie, don’t go…I’m sorry…I’m sorry.”

“Dean, I don’t know how to help you because you won’t tell me jack shit. I just know that I can’t watch this anymore. I’ve had a few job offers lately and I’m going to take a look at my options. You’ll have my two week notice by the end of the day.”

Dean couldn’t breathe…he just couldn’t breathe. She pushed his hand off the door and he watched her back out of his driveway. He sank to his knees. He didn’t know how long he was there, but the numbing pain wore off and his knees ached.

Inside the sanctuary of his office, he looked up a phone number. He dialed and listened to it ring.

“Crowley, Novak and Sebastian, can I help you?”

“I…I need to talk to Cas…Castiel Novak.”

“Mr. Novak is on a jobsite, can I put you through to his voicemail or would you like to speak with his assistant?”

“No…no…that’s okay.”

What was he doing? He hung up without responding to the woman’s warm goodbye. His life was spiraling out of control and it all started with Cas. Cas was the reason he couldn’t love Jo. Cas was the reason he was thirty-eight years old and had never been in a serious relationship. Seeing him again just brought it all to the surface. Seeing Cas was supposed to give him closure, instead he’d opened up a fuckin’ can of worms.

He looked down at his phone and touched the screen. Charlie’s phone went straight to voicemail. “Charlie…I’m sorry. I need you. Please don’t leave me. I’ll tell you everything. I’ll tell you about Cas. I…” Her phone cut his message off.

***

Castiel stood at the jobsite going over the plans for the new Reed Building. It was a live/work building in Buckhead. The bottom floor would house six small businesses and the top two floors would be apartments. Castiel knew his design was great and he knew the client loved it. He just wished this meeting could be over. He hadn’t slept the night before. Seeing Dean on TV just made him more miserable. He tossed and turned, not able to get the sadness in Dean’s eyes out of his head.

He stopped in at the office just long enough to drop off the rolls of plans and let Hannah know he was taking the rest of the day off. Maybe he needed a vacation. Michael talked him into flying them both to Greece the summer before and that was the last time he took any time off. Mykonos was home to a world famous nude beach and Michael’s hedonistic personality fit right in. Castiel had been very self-conscious, but he’d gotten his fair share of lustful stares. Michael, who had a slight paunch and who never worked out wasn’t pleased. The sex had been rough and unsatisfying for Castiel. The vacation was neither relaxing nor enjoyable. Maybe he could just take a week on some far away island.

Maybe his obsession with Dean was because he hadn’t been laid in months. Castiel and Michael hadn’t slept together the last few weeks of their relationship. When he couldn’t use work as an excuse, the begged off saying he wasn’t feeling well. It hadn’t bothered Michael, who got his rocks off with a string of other men.

Decision made, Castiel showered and dressed in a pair of black jeans and a white oxford shirt. He ran his electric razor over his face. It wasn’t as smooth as his regular shave, but it would do.

Swinging Richards was one of the better known clubs in the Atlanta area. There were male dancers and Castiel thought it might to him some good to have a few drinks, watch a few dances and maybe pick up someone to go home with.

He paid his cover and found a small table near one of the stages. A beautiful, young man came to take his order and Castiel felt himself relaxing. Yes, this was what he needed. The words to an old song played through Castiel’s mind. ‘ _If you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with._ ’

Castiel nursed his drink, wanting to be sober if and when he took someone home. Several dancers came out and entertained the clientele. Castiel found most very attractive. A thirty something man came and asked to sit at his table and Castiel sat up a bit straighter. He was very well built and it was obvious that he worked out. His jeans could not conceal his ample package. Castiel signaled for the waiter and ordered drinks for both of them.

“My name is Jacob.”

“I’m Castiel.”

“Unusual name. I haven’t seen you here before and I’d definitely notice someone like you.” The man touched his fingertips to Castiel’s forearm.

“I don’t really get out much.”

“That’s a shame.”

After giving Jacob his address, Castiel sped towards his apartment. He was nervous, but Jacob seemed like a nice guy and he was very attractive. Castiel unlocked his door and looked around, giving thanks he had a housekeeper. As usual, the place was spotless. Even though it was expected, the knock startled him. Damn, he was a wreck.

“Come in.” Castiel had to wipe his sweaty palms on his jeans.

“Nice place.” Jacob strode confidently into the apartment and looked around. He turned and moved into Castiel’s personal space. Castiel closed his eyes and Jacob’s mouth was on his, tasting and gently coaxing his mouth open.

***

Dean was so happy to see Charlie standing at his front door. She wasn’t smiling, but she was here.

“So, talk.” She wasn’t pulling any punches. They were sitting in the den, Dean tense, elbows on his knees, staring at the floor, and Charlie on the sofa with her legs curled under her.

And Dean talked.

“So, your father didn’t send Cas the letters, so why aren’t you trying to see if something is still between you? You aren’t still blaming him are you?”

“Charlie, it’s been over twenty years. We were kids, just stupid kids. I don’t blame him, but we’re two different people now.”

“But you can’t get him out of your head, can you?”

“No,” Dean said bluntly. It was the truth. Ever since he heard that song, Cas was on his mind constantly unless he’d been too drunk to think of anything. Seeing Cas made it that much worse.

“Do you want my advice?”

Dean looked at his friend and shrugged. “I’m going to get it anyway.”

Charlie smirked and then she moved closer and hugged him and then she sat back and clapped her hands. “First things first…you’re going to Atlanta and ask Cas out on a date.”

“Charlie,” Dean shook his head.

“No, hear me out. You say you guys are the same people anymore, well maybe you should get to know the new Cas and show him the new Dean.”

“I don’t know…”

“Dean, you don’t want to wake up a year from now and say ‘what if’. You might figure out he’s a jerk and if so, it will be one step closer to getting him out of your system.”

“A date, huh?”

“Let’s get you packed.”

Dean left Nashville in the wee hours of the morning. He wanted to catch Cas before he left for work. He got to Cas’ building at a little before seven and took the elevator. He bounced on the balls of his feet, full of nervous energy. Sleeping for several days straight and two Red Bulls will do that to you.

He stared at the door for a few seconds, heart in his throat. He’d rehearsed what he was going to say during the four hour drive. Charlie had given him a few pointers too. He knocked.

The man that opened the door bare-chested was definitely not Cas. Dean felt sucker punched.

“You’re Dean Winchester,” the man said excitedly. “Man, I love your stuff…wait…Dean…Dean… Holy shit. Castiel talked about…”

Dean backed up a step. Then another. He had to get to the elevator and get out of here before he threw up.

“Dean, what are you doing here?” Cas was standing next to the buff guy…wearing that same stupid bathrobe.

“I don’t fuckin’ know,” Dean spat out…God, he was going to vomit. He spun around and slapped his hand on the elevator…fuck…there had to be stairs somewhere….

“Dean, stop,” Cas voice rang out in the small vestibule.

“Shit, Dude, he thinks we slept together,” the douchebag said. There was something off about that sentence…what was it?

“No…Dean…no, Jacob is…he’s a friend.”

***

Jacob’s kiss was warm and inviting and Castiel wanted to just forget everything in his life and hold onto that feeling. His hands moved over Castiel’s back, pulling him closer. Castiel tilted his head back and bared his neck and Jacob took it. Burning kisses from his jaw to his collarbone. “Dean.”

The kisses stopped and Jacob dropped his hands to his sides and stepped back. Castiel looked back quizzically.

“My name is Jacob.”

“Yes, I know.” Castiel was confused…why had Jacob stopped using his talented mouth.

“I’m not Dean.”

Castiel flushed red in embarrassment. “I…I didn’t realize…I’m sorry.” Castiel sank down on the couch and put his head in his hands.

“Hey, look…I’m not going to be a substitute for anybody.” Castiel heard the footsteps heading for the door of the apartment.

“I really am sorry. I thought I was…ready…I thought this is what I needed.”

“He your ex?”

Hysterical laughter bubbled up in Castiel’s throat. “My ex is a total dick. Dean is…Dean was my first.”

“Damn. And you still…fuck man, that’s…wow…I don’t even know what to say.”

Strangely enough, Jacob wound up staying and listening to Castiel spill the whole story. He rubbed Castiel’s back while Castiel told him about Dean’s father keeping Dean’s letters and how Dean found him all these years later. Close to two in the morning, both men were exhausted and Castiel offered Jacob his guest room.

He was grateful for Jacob’s shoulder to cry on and wished their timing could have been different. Jacob was a nice guy and Castiel thought he’d make a great friend. You could never have too many friends.

Castiel was making them coffee the next morning and Jacob was sitting at the bar looking delicious in just his jeans when there was a knock on the door. Castiel frowned. It was too early for any visitors, not that Castiel had many. Maybe it was the building’s maintenance man. “Could you get that?” Castiel was right in the middle of measuring out the water to pour into the coffeemaker.

Castiel listened to the exchange at the door and dropped the carafe to the coffeemaker. It shattered on the hardwood floor.

Dean was here and God, did their lives have to be one misunderstanding after another?

“No…Dean…no, Jacob is…he’s a friend.”

Dean turned, face ashen. “A friend…funny, my friends don’t walk around my house half dressed.”

“You didn’t tell me the Dean you were…” Jacob stopped himself before revealing Castiel’s confessions. “You didn’t tell me he was Dean Winchester.”

“I didn’t find it relevant,” Castiel replied.

“You were talking to him about me? What the fuck, Cas?”

Castiel suddenly felt like he was thrown into an episode of The Twilight Zone. This whole morning was surreal. Castiel pinched the bridge of his nose. “Can we please sit down and discuss this like civilized adults?”

“Sure,” Jacob said, stepping back into the apartment.

“Jacob…I would prefer if it were just Dean and I.”

“Oh, yeah…I get that. Let me get my clothes.” Jacob bounded up the stairs and Castiel found Dean watching the man intently. When Jacob disappeared into the guest room, the frown marring Dean’s forehead disappeared.

 


	5. I Can't Stop Loving You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlie gave Dean some good advice, but would it be enough to bring these two men together again?

Dean stood in the center of the living room with his hands in his pockets. His mind was racing. The stab of jealousy when the asshat opened Cas’ door was pretty fuckin’ painful. Charlie had made him see that he had to be honest with himself. It was jealousy, plain and simple. He wasn’t in love with Cas anymore, so why did the thought of that guy touching Cas make him want to vomit?

He was very aware of Cas standing a few feet away, still in his bathrobe…what was taking the douche so long? Christ, he had his pants on, how long does it take to throw on a shirt and shoes. Dean clinched his teeth so hard his jaw hurt.

About damn time, Dean thought as Jacob bounded down the stairs. He stopped and stared at the two men. “Castiel, you know where to find me, if you need to talk.” Then he turned to Dean. “I hope you two work things out.”

When the door shut behind him, Dean’s tension eased somewhat. He looked around the room, dragging his upper lip between his teeth. How was he supposed to start this? The rehearsed speech didn’t seem to fit now.

“Dean?”

He turned to meet Cas’ eyes. “Yeah?”

“Why are you here? Why did you come back?” Cas put his hands in the pockets of his robe, pulling the sides further apart. Dean could see almost down to Cas’ navel. 

“Could you go put some clothes on?” 

A ghost of a smile touched Cas’ lips and he cocked his head sideways. “Of course, Dean. Just make yourself at home.”

Dean watched Cas pad up the stairs in his bare feet. Maybe he could collect his thoughts better if Cas was half naked. That was a distraction he didn’t need. 

Cas came downstairs wearing a worn pair of jeans and a t-shirt stating he ran the Atlanta Marathon. His feet were still bare. 

“Would you like some coffee? I’m sorry to say I’m out of Jameson, a guest drank my last bottle.” Dean couldn’t help but smile at the sarcasm. The Cas he knew in high school was full of piss and vinegar. It was nice to know some things didn’t change.

“Coffee would be fine.” Dean followed Cas to the kitchen and he sat at one of the bar stools. Cas poured coffee into a mug and added just the right amount of sugar. He’d been paying attention the other morning. For some reason, that made Dean happy.

“Are you going to tell me why you’re here?” Cas sat the mug in front of Dean and leaned back against the counter, arms crossed.

Dean looked down into the steaming mug. “So, who’s this Jacob guy?”

“Answering a question with a question is an attorney’s trick. Sam teach you that?” 

Dean snorted. “Yeah.”

“Tell you what. You answer my question first and then I’ll answer yours. That’s fair, don’t you think?” 

“I was told by a good friend that I should ask you out on…a date. You know, to get to know you again.” Dean hoped his face didn’t reflect the embarrassment and the hope he was feeling.

Cas’ face flushed and he turned his head, staring across the large room towards the windows. Dean’s stomach felt like it was in knots. Charlie made it seem like such a good idea and it even sounded good in the car, but now he felt foolish. “Just forget I said anything, okay? This was a stupid idea.”

Cas’ eyes met Dean’s. “No, Dean. I think…that I might like…a…date.”

Dean wanted to pump his fist in the air, but decided subtlety was probably better. “Good. That’s cool.”

“When would you like to go out on this date?” 

“Tonight?” 

Cas lifted an eyebrow. “That would be…nice.”

“Awesome.” God, he sounded like a teenager. He picked up his mug and took a sip of his coffee. He could feel the heat on his face and hoped it didn’t show.

“Fuck!” Cas cried out suddenly and ran towards the stairs.

“What the fuck?” Dean turned on the stool to watch him.

“Late for work…got to find my phone…” Dean watched him disappear into his bedroom. A few seconds later, Cas appeared, talking on his cell.

“Yes, Hannah…I know…you’re perfectly capable…an hour…I owe you…bye.” He was halfway down the stairs. He looked sheepish. “Sorry, I completely forgot about the time. This morning was a little unusual. I’ve got a meeting at nine, forty-five that I can’t miss.”

“No sweat. I’ve got to find a hotel and we’ll talk this afternoon. Give me your phone and I’ll put my number in it.”

Cas tossed him his phone and Dean caught it with a snap of his wrist. “Thanks…I’ll call you later…then.”

Dean dialed his number and captured it on his own phone. He handed it back to Cas and got up to leave. “Okay…good. I’ll just go…now.”

It was only after the door shut behind him that Dean realized he’d never got the answer to his question.

***  
Castiel took a few steps towards the door, but Dean beat him there and let himself out with a small wave. He leaned against the door and tapped down the panic he’d felt since Dean showed up that morning. A date? Dean came back to Atlanta to ask him on a date? Castiel didn’t understand. It was painfully obvious that Dean wasn’t harboring the same feeling from the past that he was. Knowing that Dean wrote him all those years ago eased some of pain he’d held onto for all those years and now…this…

Castiel got ready for work in record time. He hoped Hannah could stall the client until he got there. A ten million dollar project hung in the balance. As he drove, his mind meandered back to the morning’s events. What if he had slept with Jacob? Dena would have caught him and it would have ruined everything…not that there was anything yet. Yet. Could he make Dean fall for him again? Was Castiel still in love with Dean after all these years? He needed to stop thinking about this now. He had to get his head in the game and win this client over.

Thankfully, the client was caught in traffic and Castiel beat him to the office by four minutes. Hannah had already set up his presentation in the board room. She was getting a raise. After selling his design for forty-five minutes, the project was theirs. A ten million dollar restaurant would be designed by their firm. 

“Let’s celebrate with drinks after work,” Balthazar said, clapping Castiel on the back. 

“Good idea…I’ll even buy,” Crowley replied, looking pleased for a change.

“Sorry. I can’t tonight,” Castiel was collecting and stacking the boards he’d used for the presentation.

“Why not?” Balthazar asked.

“I’ve got plans.” Castiel gave his friend and partner a small smile.

“Please tell me you aren’t boinking Michael again,” Crowley gave Castiel a disgusted look.

“I don’t believe I’ve ever ‘boinked’ anyone,” Castiel said dryly. “But in answer to your question, no, I am not seeing Michael.”

“So, who then?” Balthazar leaned against the door, blocking the exit and Castiel was left to answer their questions without a means of escape. 

He sighed dramatically before answering. “Not that it is any of your business, but I’m meeting an…old friend.”

“Balthazar, did you catch the hesitation. Friend, my ass,” Crowley muttered but it was said in the teasing way that friends have with each other.

“May I go now?” Castiel nodded towards the door. “Some of us do have work to do.”

“I’m hurt that you are keeping secrets,” Balthazar said with an exaggerated pout on his lips, but he stepped aside.

At four, Castiel’s phone rang and he looked up at Hannah who was going over retainage fees for a project. “Hannah, we’ll finish this later.” She wasn’t even out of his door before he answered.

“Hello, Dean.”

“Hey, Cas. I just figured we’d grab some dinner somewhere, if that’s okay. I’m not that familiar with Atlanta, so you can pick a place.”

“I’ve actually been giving it some thought and with your obvious celebrity status, maybe you would feel more comfortable if I cooked a meal for us. That way, we can converse without worrying about pictures winding up on the internet.”

“You cook?”

“Well, I can heat up something. I make a good omelet.” 

“Fuck that. I’ll cook. Just let me use that fancy ass kitchen of yours and I’ll make you a meal you won’t forget.”

“Dean, I couldn’t ask…”

“You didn’t ask. What time do you get off work?”

“I should be home by five, forty-five.” Castiel saw his face reflected in the window of his office and he was wearing a goofy grin.

“See you then. Bye, Cas.”

“Goodbye, Dean.”

***  
Dean located a nice grocery store and got the stuff needed for his favorite dish, pork tenderloin with an apricot sauce. He found all the ingredients for the meal and made it to the checkout line before he was recognized. He spent the next fifteen minutes signing autographs and having his picture made with various fans. 

He still arrived at Cas’ apartment before Cas and so he sat down in the hallway next to Cas’ door, groceries spread out around him and played a game on his phone. The ding of the elevator announced Cas’ arrival. 

He looked good. Cas was in snug fitting jeans, a dark blue shirt and tie. A black blazer was slung over his arm. “Uhm, hi, Cas.”

“Hello, Dean. I can see you did not have any difficulties finding a grocery store.” Cas was looking down at the large array of plastic bags.

“Yeah, I may have gone a little overboard. I haven’t been in a grocery store in a long time. Besides, I wasn’t sure if you had the spices and stuff I needed.”

“I have salt and pepper,” Cas said balefully. Dean laughed and the nervous feeling in his stomach disappeared. Charlie told him to not think of Cas as an old boyfriend, but as a date he wanted to get to know. Cas had changed in so many ways. His voice was deeper and sexier. His body had definitely filled out in the best possible ways. The way he talked was really different, like an English major or something. 

“Just step back and watch the master,” Dean said, setting down the bags on the counter. He began to unload them and Cas sat on one of the barstools. Every once in a while, he would pick up an item and raise his eyebrow at Dean. 

“Dean, why do we need pie and ice cream?”

Dean looked up from taking out the assorted spices. “Whoa, you are definitely not the Cas I knew.”

Cas looked pensive. “No, I guess I’m not that boy anymore. Are you the same as you were back then, Dean?”

“Not even close.” Dean shrugged, “I’d like to think I’m smarter.”

Now that the conversation was out there, Dean had to ask. “So, who’s Jacob?”

“I’d hoped you’d have forgotten about him.”

Dean busied himself with putting the ingredients for his pork tenderloin in one area. He waited.

Finally, Cas sighed. “Can I have a glass of wine first?”

“Sure, as long as you get me a beer.” Dean opened the package and began to split the tenderloin down the middle. Cas placed a beer by his right hand. Dean saw him pouring his wine out of the corner of his eye.

“Last night…I was feeling… Fuck. Last night, I was hoping that getting laid would get you out of my mind. I went to a bar and met Jacob. He was nice and smart…and I thought he was what I was looking for. We came back here…” Cas shook his head and took a large gulp of his wine.

Dean’s hand that held the knife stilled. He wasn’t sure he wanted to hear this. But they didn’t sleep together…maybe they didn’t ‘sleep’ together, but maybe they fucked…or…whatever. 

“He was kissing me and God, I was enjoying it and…and then I called him Dean. As you can imagine, it broke the mood. We wound up talking until after midnight and I offered him a place to sleep. He really is a nice man, Dean.”

“You called him Dean?” Dean was feeling lightheaded with relief. Cas and the asshat…okay, fair’s fair, he should call him by his name. Cas and Jacob didn’t do anything except kiss.

Cas just nodded. Dean noticed the fingers surrounding the stem of the wine glass were tight. Was he afraid Dean would…what, be pissed off? Fuck, he’d gotten drunk and woke up with a strange woman in his bed…he couldn’t very well be pissed off at Cas. It wasn’t like they were a ‘thing’. 

“I’ve changed from that eighteen year old boy, Dean, but I haven’t forgotten how much…I loved…you.”

“Don’t.” Dean shook his head. “Just…don’t, Cas.” Dean began opening and closing cabinet doors until he found a pan. Cas didn’t speak…didn’t offer to help.

Cas continued to watch him prepare the meal and neither spoke. Dean was trying to calm his racing mind. He hadn’t forgotten how much he’d loved Cas either, but for his own sanity, he needed to not think along those lines. “The past should just stay in the past,” he whispered.

“So, we are going to pretend we’ve never met? Why this, then?” Cas swept his arms over the food on the counter. “Why go to all this trouble, Dean. What do you want?” Cas’ voice rose. “Friendship? A quick fuck for old time’s sake. Oh wait, we can’t do that because our past never happened.” The sarcasm dripped from his words.

“I don’t know what I want…I just need…” Dean yelled and then he stopped. “I just needed to see you again, Cas.” He ran his hands through his hair in frustration. “I haven’t been able to get you out of my mind… ever since I heard that damn song.”

“Try twenty-two years, Dean. Twenty-two years. Seeing you on TV, hearing you on the radio…I couldn’t forget you.”

Both men were tense, breathing harsh. Eyes locked, heated…Cas’ in anger…Dean’s in something else entirely…Cas angry was hot. Dean knew the exact minute when Cas saw what was in his eyes. The older man’s eyes widened and he shook his head. “No. Not like this.”

Ashamed for letting Cas see the sexual attraction, Dean turned away and picked up the knife again. He began chopping the vegetables to roast with the pork. He was aware of Cas pacing and then he sensed him stop. He risked a glance up and Cas was at the French doors leading to a balcony. He was looking out at the fading light from the setting sun. Dean decided to let him be for now.

Once dinner was in the oven, Dean cleaned up his mess. He loaded stuff in the dishwasher and put away the food he hadn’t used. Cas hadn’t moved. Dean took his empty wine glass and filled it. He walked over to Cas and stood next to him. Silently, he handed Cas the glass. “Do you think we can start over, Cas? Friends? Maybe more, who knows?”

Cas took a sip of the wine and looked over at Dean. “Sure, Dean. We can try.”

Dean smiled at him. “Awesome.”

***  
After their flare up, Castiel and Dean had dinner out on the balcony. Castiel asked a million questions about Dean’s life as a country music legend. Dean tried to play most of it down. Castiel was glad that Dean was humbled by his fame. 

“Doesn’t it bother you that you can’t even go to get a drink or dinner without fans asking for autographs or pictures?”

Dean shrugged. “Sometimes, but without the fans, I’d just be a nameless guy playing in some bar somewhere. With fame comes responsibility. I can help charities…you know, do good stuff to help people. If I want privacy, I can have a drink or dinner at home.”

“I’m sure your fans appreciate you.”

“What about you, Cas? You ever listen to my stuff?”

Castiel felt ashamed he’d thrown Dean’s CD’s away. It seemed like a good way to heal at the time, but now he wanted them back. He guessed it was time to get on Amazon and order them again.

“I used to,’ Castiel admitted truthfully.

“Not anymore, huh?”

“I may have had all your CDs at one time,” Castiel murmured softly.

Dean almost had his beer to his mouth, but stopped. “What happened to them?”

“After your visit, I threw them away.” Castiel wasn’t sure what he expected but it wasn’t Dean laughing out loud. He looked at the younger man quizzically. “I don’t understand what’s so funny.”

Dean wiped his eyes, still chuckling. “I guess I made a great impression, huh?”

Not wanting to create tension in their tentative friendship, Cas changed the subject. He reached down and picked up their plates. “I’ll clean the kitchen, you can sit out here and relax.”

Dean stood up. “I’d rather help you.”

They cleaned up the kitchen and put all the food away. Castiel complimented Dean many times on his cooking skills. Dean seemed to pout that Castiel was too full to eat the pie. “Perhaps we can just relax for awhile and then eat it later.” Castiel really didn’t want Dean to leave. He was enjoying getting to know the older Dean. He just couldn’t allow himself to get his hopes up that this could develop into something stronger.


	6. Shut Up and Kiss Me

Dean was beginning to feel very comfortable being around Cas. Scary comfortable…almost like he’d known him forever and that was just crazy. Even though he tried not to let the past enter into this newfound thing…friendship…whatever…he found it bleeding over anyway. Certain mannerisms of future Cas, as he was beginning to call him in his head, were so like his memories that sometimes he had to take a second to realize he wasn’t in 1993 any longer.

Right after they finished cleaning the kitchen and were sitting on the balcony sipping their beer, or wine in Cas’ case, Cas’ phone rang and he looked up to apologize. “I’ve got to take this.”

“No worries,” Dean said with a nod.

Dean heard Cas talking about square footage and an issue with space before he moved to the far end of the balcony. Dean couldn’t make out the words anymore, not that he’d want to, but he got to observe Cas without being noticed. While one of his hands held the phone, the other was curled around the railing and Dean noticed how long his fingers were. His brain went south and he thought of those fingers on his dick. A memory flooded his mind.

They were in the back of the Impala, parked near a small lake just north of town. July was hot and humid and both boys were naked and sweaty…

Dean shook off the memory. He was breaking Charlie’s rule about getting to know this future Cas, not pining over the boy he was in love with all those years ago. He resumed his appraisal of Cas’ body. Almost as tall as Dean, Cas’ body was that of a runner, lean but not skinny by a long shot.

Cas ran his fingers through his hair making it stand on end. It was always unruly when they were younger. Dean’s mother would come up behind him and try her hardest to make it lay flat but it was a lost cause. Cas had chronic bed head. Now, it just looked like someone had that hair gripped in their fists as he…no…no…as they pumped his…no..no…their cock…no…his cock into Cas’ sweet mouth.

“Fuck me sideways,” muttered Dean. If this kept up, he was going to have to go to the bathroom and rub one out. Maybe he should have done that before coming over here.

“Alright, not a problem. I’ll have the corrected drawings finished and to you by Friday. Goodbye, Mr. Staton.” Cas swiped his finger across the screen and sat the phone down on the table. “Clients. Got to love ‘em.”

“Problem?”

“Not really. A client is building his dream home on Lake Lanier and every time we get the plans finalized, his wife wants to add a closet or bathroom. It’s just a pain in the ass, but we just charge them extra for the trouble.”

“I really think it’s cool that you…you know…are living the dream you had back in high school. I knew you were going to do everything you said you’d do.”

Cas shrugged and gave Dean a soft smile. “What about you, Dean?”

“What about me? After we moved, my grades dropped and I knew I couldn’t get into college, so I just did a few odd jobs until I got a break. Good thing Mom made me take all those music lessons.”

“You are very talented, Dean.”

“You aren’t a slouch either, Cas. I read about all the awards you’ve won.”

***

Dean read about his awards. That meant that Dean cared enough to cyber-stalk him. For some reason, that made him very happy.

“Now that we’ve established we are both fans of each other, let’s have some pie,” Castiel said, standing.

“Pie. I love pie.” Dean’s face was boyishly handsome and it made Castiel grin. Dean loved pie as a teen too. His mother made the best cherry pies.

In the kitchen, Castiel got out the plates and forks while Dean cut the pie into four slices. “Dean, I believe you are supposed to get six to eight slices out of a pie.”

“My pie, my rules.”

Castiel laughed. “Should I get the ice cream?”

“Nah, we can have that next time.”

Castiel’s pulse quickened. Dean wanted there to be a next time. Prudently, Castiel didn’t comment on it. He watched Dean plop the large slices of pie on the plates and when Dean licked the drops of cherry filling off his fingers, Castiel almost needed to leave the room. It was erotic and Castiel had the sudden desire to smear the filling all over Dean’s body and take his time licking it off…inch by glorious inch.

“Cas?” Castiel pulled himself out of his fantasy and saw that Dean was holding out one of the plates for him. “Where’d you go, Man? Looked like you were in La-La Land for a second.”

“Sorry. This looks delicious.”

“So, got any decent movies?” Dean asked, taking his plate to the bookcase by Castiel’s stereo system and large plasma TV.

“I don’t have time to watch…”

Dean was looking around wildly. “You don’t even own a DVD or BluRay player. Holy shit, Cas!”

“I mainly watch documentaries…however, I did watch a show based on Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s Sherlock Holmes character. It was rather fascinating.”

Dean stood there blinking at him. “Okaaaay…”

After much debate from Dean, they settled on a show called Dr. Sexy, MD.  Castiel thought the acting was bad and the plot was worse, but Dean found the man attractive. Seriously, Castiel thought he looked a lot better than that actor. Perhaps he should buy a pair of cowboy boots…

Dean was completely finished with his pie while Castiel was only halfway done. The show was in its first commercial break and Castiel found Dean staring at him. “What?”

“You have…some cherry filling…right there.” Dean pointed and Castiel ran his finger down his face where Dean indicated. He didn’t feel anything.

“No, down some…”

Castiel crossed his eyes to try to see, which proved to be an impossibility. This caused Dean to laugh at him. “You look like a dweeb. Here, let me…” Dean ran his forefinger along Castiel’s chin, brought his finger up to see the offending red syrup and then popped his finger into his mouth. He stuck his lower lip out and nodded. “Not bad.”

Every drop of saliva in Castiel’s mouth dried up and a tiny moan escaped. He wanted to call it back or pretend it never happened, but Dean heard it and the other man swallowed, causing his Adam’s apple to bob nervously.

“I…uhm…should take these to the kitchen.” Castiel snatched the plate out of Dean’s hand and the fork went flying across the coffee table to land on the floor with a loud _ting_. Castiel didn’t utter a word, he just walked over and picked it up, refusing to look at Dean.

Castiel placed the plates and forks into the dishwasher, added the soap tablet and closed it. He turned and Dean was right there. In his personal space. All up in his personal space. He took a step back, but he was against the kitchen counter.

“Cas, do I make you nervous?”

“Nervous…no…no.”

“Good, because I think I want to kiss you right now.” Dean stepped even closer and Castiel closed his eyes and waited. He felt Dean’s mouth brush against his, once, then again. Dean’s hands were at his neck, thumbs holding Castiel’s jaw steady. Dean’s tongue licked, teasing him until he parted his lips. Castiel’s mouth acted on its own accord, opening, tongue seeking. The kiss deepened, Castiel’s hands came to rest at the waistband of Dean’s jeans.

“God, Cas.” Dean broke of the kiss but didn’t pull away. Their faces inches apart. Castiel lost himself in Dean’s emerald eyes. “I should go.”

Wait…did Dean say he should go…after kissing him like that… “You could stay,” Castiel whispered, his eyes never leaving Dean’s.

“I don’t put out on the first date.” The words were said with a smile that lit up Dean’s eyes.

***

That kiss just wet Dean’s appetite. He wanted more, so much more. But a little voice in his head that sounded a lot like Sam’s told him to slow the fuck down. Another voice popped up and said, screw that, take the man to bed and make him scream your name. That voice sounded like Charlie. He decided to listen to Sam in this instance.

“Will there be a second date?” Cas asked, in an equally soft voice. Dean realized he was still holding Cas’ face and he dropped his hands reluctantly.

“I’m counting on it.” With another quick peck on Cas’ lips, Dean turned and walked to the door. He stopped and looked over his shoulder. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“Okay.” Cas was looking really flustered and for some reason, Dean found it adorable…really adorable. Dean let the door shut behind him. He pushed the button to the elevator and leaned against the wall.

“Son of a bitch.”

What had he done? That kiss wasn’t going to be enough. He heard the door open and glanced up. Cas stared at him for a split second and then was in his arms. This kiss made the first one seem chaste. This one was wet with teeth and tongues…a tongue wrestling match of biblical proportions. Hands pulled at Dean’s hair and he could taste the cherry flavor...he giggled. He couldn't help it.

Cas pulled back, a look of confusion on his face. “Sorry, Cas. You taste like cherries and my brain went into sensory overload and this stupid song popped into my head.”

Dean laughed at the look on Cas’ face. The elevator dinged behind him. “ _I Kissed a Girl and I Liked It_ , except I changed the words…”

“I don’t understand that reference.”

Dean put his hand between the doors of the elevator to keep it there and smirked. “Find it on YouTube, Cas.” He was grinning at Cas, head titled sideways, when the doors closed.

He was still smiling when he got into the Impala. He pushed in a cassette and turned up the volume. _Back in Black_ screamed out of the car’s stereo as he pulled out onto the highway. He may be a country music icon, but damned if he’d listen to it in his car.

Once he was back at the hotel, he put on his baseball cap and pulled it low over his eyes. The lobby wasn’t too busy and he made it to his room without incident. When he checked in yesterday, he’d talked to the manager and was assured that his privacy was very important to them.

Dean stripped down and crawled between the crisp white sheets and thick comforter. He punched out a quick text to Charlie.

**Text from you/9:48 – Date was good.**

**Text from Charlie/9:49 – Did you kiss?**

**Text from you/9:50 – Is that all you think about?**

**Text from Charlie/9:51 – B glad that’s all I asked about. Seriously, how did it go?**

**Text from you/9:52 – Real good. Gonna 2 do something tomorrow 2.**

**Text from Charlie/9:53 – Awesomesauce.**

**Text from you/9:54 – TTYL**

Dean plugged in his phone to charge and turned off the light. That was when the doubts hit him. Dean and Benny cultivated his personal image very carefully over the years. He was seen with various socialites, models, actresses and other singers, all female. Benny knew he leaned towards men and he didn’t care as long as Dean was discreet about it. And so far, nothing had hit the media about Dean’s private escapades. That’s all they were though, private encounters in the back of a car or a hotel room somewhere. This thing with Cas wasn’t like that. Cas wasn’t the type of guy Dean could fuck around with and then walk away.

What would dating a guy do to his career? Who was he trying to kid? It would be a media circus. Ty Herndon came out five years ago and his career didn’t fizzle out. People still liked him. He’d met the guy a few times. Of course, he’s spent time in rehab too.

***

Castiel brought his fingers to his lips. It felt like he’d been waiting for that kiss for over twenty years. Almost a lifetime.

He went into his apartment and shut the door. Dean confused him. What had he said about kissing a girl? Not really something Castiel wanted to hear from Dean right after a kiss like that one. YouTube, huh?

He opened his laptop and typed the site into his search engine. A few clicks later, he was typing in the words ‘ _I kissed a girl’_. He couldn’t remember anything else. The very first video was a song by a woman named Katy Perry. The title matched what Dean said, so he clicked on it. He listened and then he smiled. Dean was referencing the cherry Chapstick.

Castiel looked at the time on the bottom of his laptop. Dean would probably still be awake.

**Text from you/11:02 – Soft skin, red lips, so kissable.**

Three minutes went by…four…maybe Dean was asleep already

**Text from Dean/11: 07 – You Googled.**

**Text from you/11:08 – I did. Catchy tune. Not as good as your music though.**

**Text from Dean/11:09 – Quit sucking up.**

**Text from you/11:10 – Maybe later.**

After he typed the words, he bit his lip. Would Dean think his teasing was too pushy? To make it funnier, Castiel found an emoji of a yellow smiley face wearing a halo.

**Text from Dean/11:12 – LMAO**

Castiel used text messaging for communicating with his staff and partners, he didn’t use all the abbreviations and cute pictures. He quickly looked up what those four letters meant. He smiled. Dean was laughing his ass off.

**Text from you/11:14 – Please don’t. I like your ass.**

**Text from Dean/11:15 – Castiel Novak, are you flirting with me?**

**Text from you/11:16 – Maybe. Is that acceptable?**

Instead of replying, Dean sent a picture of a pink smiley face with devil’s horns.

**Text from you/11:18 – I think I like Emoticons.**

**Text from Dean/11:19 – Say goodnight, Cas.**

**Text from you/11:20 – Goodnight, Cas.**

Castiel put the phone on his charging deck and got ready for bed. He fell asleep with a hint of a smile on his face.

He woke with a smile, ready to start his day. He would be talking to Dean today and possibly seeing him later.

“Good morning, Hannah. Isn’t it beautiful outside?” Castiel stopped and put a small dandelion on her desk. Maybe he should get her flowers to show her he appreciated her. Well, the little flower he found next to the parking lot would have to do for now.

“Morning, Castiel.” She was looking perplexed, holding the little yellow dandelion between two fingers. “Are you okay?”

“I’m awesome.” He borrowed Dean’s word because that summed up his feelings. He was feeling awesome.

His partners didn’t show their faces in his office until well past noon. Balthazar came in with a stack of files. “We need to go over some of the billing. You have time now?”

“Sure,” Castiel hit send on an email and smiled. “Here or in the conference room?”

“Crowley is waiting in the conference room.” Balthazar was looking at him strangely, but he didn’t say anything. The two men walked down the hall into the large room with floor to ceiling windows overlooking the Atlanta skyline.

“Let’s get this over with quickly, Boys. I have a hot date tonight.”

Castiel lifted an eyebrow. “A date? You?”

“What? I date.” Crowley frowned at him. At Castiel’s look of disbelief, he growled. “Well, I do.”

“Crowley, you meet women in bars and take them home to fuck. That is not dating. That’s hooking up,” Balthazar said, slapping the files on the large, teak table. Balthazar was the only one of the three partners that was married. Happily so. Meg Sebastian owned a high end clothing store in Buckhead. The two had been married for ten years and had two yappy Yorkies. Balthazar hated the dogs, but loved his wife. Castiel liked Meg very much. She kept his high strung partner grounded.

They got down to business and when Crowley and Balthazar looked up from their notes to stare at him, he stopped doodling a picture of an Impala to return their gaze. “You were humming,” Crowley said, arms crossed.

“So.” Castiel’s pencil shaded in the windshield.

“When a gay man is humming ‘ _I Kissed a Girl and I Liked It’_ , it causes his friends to become alarmed,” Balthazar stated, elbows on the table, staring intensely at his partner.

Castiel looked at his watch. He’d left his phone in his office. He hoped Dean didn’t call while he was away from his desk. “Can we hurry this along? I have things to do.” He was well aware of the look his two partners shared. He chose to ignore it.

They finished the weekly billing thirty minutes later. Castiel made sure he didn’t hum anymore.

Dean called at three. Castiel was putting the finishing touches on a new design for a jewelry store when his phone rang. “Hello, Dean.”

“Hey. Meet me at the aquarium at five thirty.”

“The aquarium? Okay. Where? It’s a big place, Dean.”

“No shit, Sherlock. Met me in front of the whale shark’s tank.”

“I will be there.”

“Good. See you then.”

 

 

 

 

 

 


	7. Feels So Right

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things heat up between the two men.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For Angi - forgive me?

When Dean woke that morning, he felt good. Calm…relaxed…then the worries about his budding relationship with Cas scratched their way to the surface. He clasped his hands together behind his head. He thought of the flirty texts they’d bantered back and forth last night. He thought of his fans and how they’d react if they knew he was bisexual, not just bisexual…he leaned more towards the gay side of the spectrum. After all the years since his mother’s death, he was finally to a point where he could admit it to himself, but what about his fans…what about the media…what about all the people in the industry. Would his label find a reason to dump him? He was still in that same position twenty minutes later when his phone rang.

He glanced at the screen. It was Benny. “Hey, Man.”

“I had to hear from Sam that you are in Atlanta. I thought you were at home pulling your head out of your ass.”

“Good to hear your voice too, Benny,” Dean said sarcastically.

“Seriously, Dean. We’re supposed to be in the studio right now. You wanted to release the CD this summer, or did you forget that while you’re off gallivanting around Atlanta. Why are you there?”

“Sam didn’t tell you?”

“Was he supposed to?”

“I’m just visiting a friend from high school, Benny. Trying to clear my head. That’s all.”

“A friend, huh? Hope you’re keeping it in your pants. Jumping into another woman’s bed this soon after the divorce could be a media nightmare. You know that, right?”

“I know,” Dean muttered. He hated it when Benny was right. “Hey, Benny, you remember when Ty Herndon came out?”

“Dean…don’t even go there. We ain’t having this conversation. We made a deal a long time ago. Fuck as many men as you like…discreetly. You’re America’s darling boy…coming out would ruin you. Would ruin what we’ve built.”

“Yeah, you’re right. Forget I said anything.”

“Shit, I got another call. Get back to Nashville by Monday, Dean. I’ve got the studio booked again.”

“Sure.” Dean hung up and stared at the ceiling. Benny was right. Dean needed to give up the lame idea of seeing if there was anything between him and Cas. There just couldn’t be. 

Dean got up and pulled on a pair of pajama pants. Then he took his laptop out of its case and sat down on the bed. Just because they couldn’t have a relationship, didn’t mean they couldn’t be friends. Cas would understand.

Now, to find something to do tonight. Something fun. It took less than thirty minutes to find it. Grinning, he made a few phone calls and gave out his credit card information.

Since he had several hours to kill, Dean decided to see some of the sites of Atlanta. He called Charlie and had her make some arrangements. Dean Winchester got a private tour of the World of Coca-Cola and CNN. 

He made his call to Cas and he could barely contain himself for the next few hours. He tried to read and when that didn’t work, he played a few video games on his laptop. The clock seemed to drag. Cas was going to freak out.

Dean was waiting when Cas walked up, still dressed in his clothes from the office. “Hello, Dean.”

“Hey, Cas. Come on, we’ve only got a few minutes before it’s time.” Dean motioned for Cas to follow him to the Animal Interactions kiosk. There were two staff male members waiting. 

“Mr. Winchester, welcome to your Ocean Voyager experience. If you will fill out the forms…” He handed Dean and Cas clipboards. “…and once you’re done, we can get you suited up.

“Dean, what is this?” Castiel looked from the clipboard in his hands to Dean to the young employee.

Dean looked at the young man and grinned. “It’s a surprise. Fill out the form, Cas.”

He watched Cas take the pen and start the process of filling out the two page form. “Dean. Dean….are we….”

“Yep.” Dean loved Cas’ reaction. The man was stunned.

After both men finished the forms, the staff member took their clipboards and took them through a door. Cas was looking around at everything. Yeah, Dean was interested in the behind the scenes stuff too, but watching Cas was so much more fun. Cas asked tons of questions until they got to the changing rooms. With a sad look, Cas turned to Dean. “I don’t have a bathing suit.”

Dean took off the small backpack he had slung over his shoulder. “Don’t worry, I got you covered.” Dean had found a small clothing shop not far from the hotel and picked up a pair of board shorts for both of them.

The changing area was large and clean. Dean didn’t think anything of stripping down in front of Cas, hell he’d changed in front of roadies, band members and filming crews. 

***  
Castiel laid the brightly colored shorts on the bench provided in the dressing area. He reached up to pull the curtain closed and there was Dean, stripping down right in the middle of the room. There were no other people around, but still… the curtain was in his hand…ready to be pulled shut. Dean dropped his jeans to his ankles. His back was to Castiel thankfully, but God, that ass. There was very fine, downy hair on the lower half, where his thighs met the beautiful globes of his pale cheeks. Castiel had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from making an obscene sound.

Dean bent down and Castiel could just make out a sliver of pink. He pulled the curtain closed so fast, he almost ripped it from the bar. He dressed with trembling fingers.

Once dressed in their shorts, Dean and Castiel walked out to a large room. The surface of the tank was there and Castiel could see the marine life swimming around. They pulled on the wetsuits provide and quickly donned the fins. They held their masks and snorkels until they were told what to do. 

Three men in full dive gear walked over to them. The older man spoke. “I’m a big fan, Mr. Winchester.”

“Please, call me Dean.” The man nodded and smiled. “And this is my friend, Cas.” Castiel knew Dean couldn’t very well say, ‘hey, this is Cas…we’re on a date’, but he thought after the kisses the night before, he’d moved up a peg from friend.

“We’re your guides. You’re going to enter the water over there and you’ll be breathing through your snorkels. We’ll give you a few minutes to get used to the process and then we will move you out into open water. The whale sharks are very docile. They will swim around you but you aren’t allowed to touch them. You’ll see several other species of sharks, rays and various marine animals. The tour will take thirty minutes. After you’re done, you’ll each get a photograph of your experience. Any questions?”

Castiel had a few questions about the different species of sharks and after that, they entered the water. The water was very cool, but the wetsuits kept them from getting too cold. The thirty minutes was up quickly, but when they exited the water, Castiel knew his face was glowing. His grin was ear to ear. They changed back to their clothes and picked up their photographs and free t-shirts. 

Castiel loved the picture. The underwater camera got Dean and Castiel together in the shot, swimming side by side. Castiel was pointing to the huge whale shark as it swam beneath them, but Dean was looking at Castiel. Despite still being a bit cool from their swim, Castiel felt warm inside. 

“Thank you, Dean. This was an amazing evening.” Castiel couldn’t take his eyes off the picture, a soft smile on his lips. 

“You’re welcome. Want to go somewhere and grab a burger?”

“That would be good. I know of a wonderful place near my apartment. They have the best cheeseburgers.”

“Awesome. Let’s drop off your car and we’ll cruise in the Impala.”

It took forty-five minutes to get from the aquarium to Castiel’s apartment with the heavy traffic. Dean waited for Castiel to park and get into his car. He looked around, running his hands over the seats and dash. He even ventured a quick look into the backseat. Castiel wondered if Dean ever thought about all those summer nights spent back there. “She is in great shape, Dean. It is obvious you’ve taken great care of her.”

Dean rubbed the dash lovingly. “She’s my Baby. Gotta keep her purring.”

Castiel directed Dean to a small restaurant between a smoothie shop and a beauty salon. Dean parked near the door and they entered the dim eatery. A tall, black teen showed them their seats and gave them a folded piece of paper. Dean looked confused until he realized this was the menu. He imagined Dean Winchester didn’t eat at places like this very often. The same young man took their orders, brought their drinks and not once did he look at Dean in recognition. 

The burgers were incredible and Castiel couldn’t stop talking about their experience at the aquarium. Dean looked so relaxed and laughed a lot. For a few hours, he was just Dean, not Dean Winchester, country music star. 

Dean pulled up and parked next to Castiel’s car. “Would you like to come up for a beer?”

“Sure.” Dean turned off the car and followed Castiel inside the building. The elevator doors closed and suddenly the close proximity to Dean was causing his heart rate to increase. 

Castiel wasn’t sure who moved first, but the kiss was wet and dirty. The elevator dinged and they managed to move out of the car without breaking the kiss. Dean was dragging his teeth over Castiel’s lower lip and the sensation went straight to his cock. 

Sweet Jesus, what was Dean doing with his mouth. Someone moaned and somehow they wound up in the middle of Castiel’s bed. Castiel couldn’t remember coming up the steps. Dean was in nothing but his black boxer briefs. Then Castiel was on top of him, legs straddling Dean’s hips….how did he get naked?

Dean tugged at Cas’ hair, holding him…tongue sweeping along Castiel’s teeth, swirling around Castiel’s mouth, bruising their lips with the intensity of the kiss. Dean whined when Castiel pulled away, but his kisses continued down Dean’s body. He paused to suck each nipple…hard enough that Dean bucked beneath him. “Fuck…don’t fucking stop.”

Castiel looked up and gave Dean a feral look. His teeth took one of the sensitive buds, tugging it until it was sensitive to touch. He moved on, running his tongue over Dean’s belly, dipping into his naval before running his nose along the dark stripe of hair. 

Dean dragged his fingers through Castiel’s hair. Castiel wrapped his fist around the base of Dean’s cock and sucked him. 

Castiel brought him to the edge and then backed off, taking his time sucking on Dean’s balls, running his tongue under them, driving Dean insane. Again, he brought Dean to the edge. The third time, Dean cried out, “God, Cas…please…need it…need your dick…please.” 

The older man rose to his hands and knees and reached into his bedside drawer. The familiar sound of the bottle of lube being snapped open filled the room. The tearing sound of a condom wrapper sounded obscenely loud. 

***

Friends…just friends…no kissing…no touching…no… Dean’s internal chant fizzled out when he felt Cas’ lips on his. He wanted Cas to take him right there in the elevator. God, he was so fucking horny. Dean didn’t remember getting into the apartment.

Right before they stumbled up the stairs, Benny’s voice told him this wasn’t supposed to happen…he was supposed to tell Cas they were just going to be friends…good friends. Friends with benefits…that would be okay, wouldn’t it? 

Cas could be discreet. He’d talk to Cas tomorrow…for now…it was time for sex.

Dean lost his underwear at some point while Cas was sucking his nipples like a freakin’ Kirby vacuum cleaner. His nipples ached, but he wanted more of Cas’ mouth on him. He fisted his hands in Cas’ hair  
…that sexy fucking hair…and HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, Cas was on him. He was going to town on Dean’s cock. His wet, greedy mouth was making abso-fucking-lutely porn quality noises. Dean felt as if he was being eaten alive and it was fucking glorious. 

It had been so long since he’d been fucked. Dean needed this…so damn bad… “Want it rough, Baby…make me feel it deep and hard…”

The look in Cas’ eyes almost made Dean come right there. His pupils were blown, his mouth swollen and wet from their kissing and that fucking awesome blowjob…his skin flushed…

Dean felt the cool wetness at his hole and he spread his legs like a whore. Cas was watching his fingers rubbing at Dean’s entrance. He looked up. “You’re beautiful, Dean.”

“Hurry, Cas…”

Cas worked his hole. Dean knew nonsense and foul language was coming out of his mouth, but he couldn’t help it. Cas was so fucking talented. The fumbling boy was long gone. Cas knew his way around a man’s body and for that, Dean was grateful.

Not only were Cas’ long fingers buried up his ass, Cas’ mouth was licking his hole as well… “Cas, you’re gonna fuckin’ kill me. Fuck me…fuck me already.”

“Shhh, in due time, Dean,” Cas’ voice was sexy as fuck on a normal day, but damn, let him suck some cock and he… Cas’ fingers found Dean’s prostate and all coherent thought was gone. His fingers were relentless, brushing against his sweet spot softly and a second later, rubbing it firmly enough that Dean thought he was going to black out.

Dean’s head twisted from side to side, his hands had a death grip on the sheets…a high keening sound was coming out of his mouth…then it stopped. The sensations ceased. He choked back a sob of frustration. 

Cas’ hands were there again, petting him, calming him. “Easy…”

Dean let Cas roll him to his stomach. He let him guide his hands to the headboard. He let him position him so he was on his knees, leaning forward. Cas’ body covered his from behind. He could feel Cas’ sheathed cock between the crack of his ass. Dean could feel Cas’ warm skin against his. Cas’ mouth was at his ear, whispering filthy things…dirty words about the dirty deeds he was getting ready to do to Dean. 

“I’m going to fuck you now, Dean. Push my cock up inside your sweet ass, filling you up. You want it so bad…you were begging for it… I want to feel you squeezing my cock, milking the cum out of it…”

Dean pushed back, trying to force Cas to fuck him, but Cas wasn’t letting him. Cas hands had a tight grip on Dean’s hips and he would let the tip of his cock rub against Dean’s entrance.

“Cock…tease…” Dean panted, his knuckles white on the headboard. Then, without warning, Cas pushed inside. “Fuuuuuck.” Dean felt the burn…the stretch…it had been so long…there was pain, but it only lasted mere seconds. Cas was still, allowing Dean’s body to adjust to his cock. Their breathing was hard and fast. 

Cas whispered. “You feel so good, Dean. I knew you would…I knew it would be good between us.”

Dean didn’t want to head down that road…no feelings… He rolled his hips. “Fuck me, Cas. Come on…I need it.”

Cas pulled out, leaving just his thick head inside…he waited a heartbeat and pushed back in. Once, twice…Dean lost count. All he was aware of was that this was Cas, his Cas…buried up inside of him. Taking him higher and higher.

Thrusts erratic now, Cas was panting, driving into him with a force that was pushing Dean against the headboard. “Dean…Dean…God…” Cas’ cry echoed in the room. Dean felt the throb of Cas’ cock as it filled the condom. Cas’ hips were moving sluggishly now, dragging in and out, riding out his orgasm. Dean’s hand left the headboard and wrapped around his dick. Slick with his own juices, Dean’s hand moved easily up and down his cock. Close…God he was close… Cas hand came around and squeezed his balls just as his teeth bit into the back of Dean’s neck. 

“Christ…fuck…” Dean’s cum splashed onto the headboard and coated his hand. Cas groaned behind him. Aftershocks sent tremors through his muscles. His legs felt numb from kneeling, but he couldn’t seem to move. Cas’ weight was on him, pressed into his back. He was still inside Dean. A few more seconds wouldn’t matter. It felt so good to be this close to Cas. 

Dean whined when Cas pulled out. But then he moaned as he allowed his body to sink down onto the soft mattress. 

“Dean, we’ve got to clean up.”

“No,” Dean declared. He was fine…just needed to close his eyes…

“Dean.” Cas’ voice was louder, sterner. “Don’t fall asleep. I’m going to get us a washcloth.”

“I won’t go anywhere,” Dean mumbled. He felt the bed move as Cas stood. It wouldn’t hurt to shut his eyes for just a second.

***  
Castiel returned to the bed and Dean was snoring softly. He smiled down at him. For the first time in twenty-two years, Castiel Novak was really and truly happy. He bathed Dean with the warm cloth, taking care to get all the drying cum from his hands and body. Once Dean was cleaned up, he wiped the headboard off, no need to scandalize the poor housekeeper.

He pulled up the sheets and comforter and pulled a very pliant Dean into his arms. While Dean slept, Castiel replayed the entire evening over and over again. They had a second chance. That thought and the scent of their sex let Castiel drift into a deep sleep.

It was still dark when Castiel was awakened by what he thought was a wonderfully erotic dream. The wet heat that surrounded his cock was Dean’s mouth. He wasn’t dreaming. The covers were kicked to the end of the bed and Dean’s naked body was bent over Castiel. His hands moved down to draw Dean’s head closer, he wanted Dean to take him deeper.

Dean hummed in response, hands slowly roaming over Castiel’s thighs and hips. “Dean…so good…”

Castiel rocked his hips in rhythm to Dean’s fist pumping the base of his cock. Dean’s mouth never left Castiel’s cock, his tongue swirled around the head with every pass… Castiel’s mind drifted…that summer, Dean’s first attempt at giving Castiel head. He hadn’t wanted to swallow, saying it was gross. This Dean was definitely not that fifteen year old anymore because Dean’s mouth was begging for Castiel’s cum. 

Castiel wished the moon was fuller, so he could watch Dean going down on him. He could barely see in the dim light of his bedroom. He could imagine though…Dean’s cheeks hollowed out as he pulled off, only to slide back down…his lips would be full and red…wet with his spit.

“Dean…I’m…close…close…” Dean’s thumb applied pressure right under Castiel’s sac and he cried out. His throbbing cock pumping his load into Dean’s hot mouth. Dean’s tongue lapped at the sensitive head until Castiel had to push him away with a playful shove. “Stop…too sore…”

“Pussy.” Dean growled playfully. He crawled up the bed, bringing the discarded bedding up with him. He flopped down on his back beside Castiel. 

“Why are you awake? Not that I’m complaining,” Castiel said, wrapping his arm around Dean and drawing him close.

“Woke up to pee and when I came back you were taking up the whole bed. That was the only way I could get you to move.” Dean’s voice was teasing and they both fell back asleep, still wrapped up together.


	8. Shameless

Dean wanted to stay in the warm cocoon of sleep, but his bladder wouldn’t let him. He squinted against the sunlight streaming into the large windows. The noise he made was a cross between a growl and a whine. Damn, he was sore, but it was a good sore, the kind that let him still feel Cas. He hadn’t bottomed in…fuck…not since high school…with Cas. That gave him pause. Cas was the only man he’d ever bottomed for.

Speaking of…where was he? Dean winced as he rolled out of bed. Apparently, he needed to bottom more often. He smirked…bet that could be arranged. He used the bathroom and then looked over the railing. There was no sign of Cas. He smelled coffee though.

He found a note written on a yellow legal pad sitting on the counter. There was a key lying beside it.

**Dean,**

**Went to the office. Come by when you wake up and I’ll let you take me to lunch.**

**Castiel**

Hmmm, why did Cas leave the key? Was that his way of asking him to stay with him instead of at the hotel? He’d have to find out.

It was after ten, so Dean hurried to the hotel. He showered and dressed. He was bound to be recognized in an office the size of Cas’, so he didn’t even bother with a ball cap or his glasses. His contacts would be fine.

The receptionist greeted him with a warm smile. “I’m here to see Cas…Mr. Novak.”

“Mr. Winchester?” At Dean’s nod, she stood up. “Mr. Novak is expecting you. If you will follow me.” She led him around the corner to a bank of elevators. “Mr. Novak is on the eighth floor. Once you get out of the elevator, turn left and follow the hall to the last door on the right. Those are Mr. Novak’s offices.”

Offices? Damn, how man did one man need? Dean rode the elevator up and stepped out into a plush sitting room. He passed a set of double doors that read Crowley and another that read Sebastian. Cas’ partners.

Novak. The brass nameplate shined and Dean felt…pride. Yeah, so what if he was proud of what Cas had accomplished. He was part owner of an eight story office building in downtown Atlanta…obviously the man had game.

He knocked. An attractive brunette opened the door. “You must be Mr. Winchester. Mr. Novak is expecting you. She gestured for him to enter the large room. Dean assumed it was her desk that sat near a plate glass window. The other furnishings were leather sofas and nice wooden tables…must be a waiting area, Dean mused.

There were two doors. The brunette went to the one that was directly behind her desk and knocked softly. Dean heard a muffled response and she opened the door. “Mr. Winchester is here.”

Cas appeared next to her, smiling broadly. “You made it.” Cas turned to his…secretary…or did they call them administrative assistants these days. “Hannah, this is my…friend…Dean Winchester. Dean this is Hannah, she keeps me sane.”

Hannah held out her hand. “It is nice to meet you. I love your music.” Ah, a fan…she didn’t react like most fans…there was no screaming, flailing or sobbing.

“Thanks, nice to meet you too.” Dean smiled at her before turning back to Cas.

“I’ll give you the five cent tour and then we can have lunch.” Cas gave a swift knock on the other door and then opened it. “This is David, he’s my AutoCAD operator. David, this is…”

“Holy shit. You’re Dean Winchester,” the young man exclaimed.

“David.” Cas looked disapprovingly.

Dean waved him off. “Nice to meet you David.” He strode forward to shake the man’s hand. “You a country music fan?”

“Hell…Heck, yeah.” He gave Cas an apologetic look and Dean laughed.

“Don’t worry about his language, Cas. Fuck, you’ve heard my potty mouth.”

“So, what…you two are friends or something? Why didn’t you tell me you knew Dean Winchester?” David looked at Cas like his boss was holding the secrets to the universe.

“Dean and I…attended high school together,” Cas said softly, not looking at Dean.

“That is so cool,” David was just about fangirling and it amused Dean. “Could I have your autograph?”

“David, that’s not…”

“Chill out, Cas,” Dean rolled his eyes at Cas. “Sure, David.”

David produced a piece of company letterhead from his desk and Dean wrote a simple message before signing it with a flourish.

Cas led him down the hallway towards the elevators. “You’ve done really well for yourself, Cas. I’m impressed and…and proud of you.”

“Thank you, Dean.” Cas looked embarrassed at Dean’s praise.

“My partners’ offices are just like mine. We each have our own admin and AutoCad operator.”

“What’s AutoCad?”

“CAD is computer aided design software. You know them as drafters.”

“Cool.”

As the elevator doors closed, Cas continued to tell Dean about his company. “The sixth and seventh floors are the associates’ offices. The fifth floor is human resources and accounting. The fourth is drafting and production, third is the business offices and the second floor is the employee gym and the cafeteria.” The whole time he talked, Dean stared intently at his lips, remembering how they felt on his mouth…on his body. They could talk about the whole friends only thing later…why spoil the mood. He had until Monday before he needed to be in Nashville. That gave them three more nights, four if he left really early on Monday.

“Whoa, a gym and a cafeteria? Maybe I should come work for you.” Dean only thought he’d been impressed until Cas told him about the second floor.

“We provide our employees with perks and we don’t have problems with a high turnover rate. Happy employees make good employees. The Japanese have known that for over a hundred years.”

The elevator stopped on the second floor. They exited the car and Cas stopped at the door to the gym. Dean whistled. The place was better than any gym he’d ever gone too. Machines, free weights and what looked like an area for classes filled the large area. Dean saw doors marked as locker rooms, sauna and steam room. “No wonder your body is smokin’ hot.”

***

“Your body is beautiful, Dean.” Castiel watched the blush on Dean’s face and smiled. He would bet his next paycheck, which was pretty substantial, that Dean got thousands of compliments, but for some reason, he was embarrassed by them. Castiel wondered why.

“This is the cafeteria. We provided this so our employees don’t have to waste time getting to and from eating establishments. We serve breakfast, lunch and dinner.”

“Dinner too? What, you run a sweatshop?”

“No. Our employees are not chained to their desks and they don’t have to eat here. They get an hour lunch break. We serve dinner because sometimes deadlines come down to the wire and we are working late into the night.” Castiel said defensively. CN&S treated their employees very well and Castiel was proud of that.

“It was a joke, Cas.” Dean looked properly chastised.

“Oh…well…sorry I got a bit defensive.”

Dean punched him in the upper arm, like they did in high school. “It’s okay.”

Castiel led them through the cafeteria which was filling up with employees, several lifted hands in Castiel’s direction and he waved back. Many of his employees seemed to recognize Dean if the stares and whispers were anything to go by.

“Damn, Cas, how many people work for you?”

“We have two hundred and sixty-two employees.” Cas went through a door marked private and he saw Dean’s eyes widen. “This is our private dining room. We bring guests and clients here. I’ve arranged for us to have lunch here, if that is okay with you.”

“Sure.” They sat at the long table covered in a white tablecloth. Rufus, the head of the cooking staff, came out of the door leading to the kitchen.

“Castiel, I’ve got everything ready. I just need to know how your guest would like his steak.” Castiel turned to Dean with a raised eyebrow.

“Rare,” Dean replied.

“Very good, Sir.” Rufus disappeared.

“Steaks?” Dean grinned and leaned back in his chair.

“I thought you’d like a good steak dinner. Rufus cooks like a classically trained chef.”

“He’s not?”

“No, Rufus was in the military and started work here as a dishwasher when we first bought the building and added the kitchen. One night, I was hungry and came downstairs to find something to eat and he was working late. We talked for a few minutes and then he made me a sandwich. I talked to the kitchen manager at the time and he was promoted. Now, he leads the kitchen.”

“Must have been some sandwich.”

“It was…a grilled cheese with avocado slices and gruyere cheese. I was in heaven.”

Rufus came out with a pitcher and two glasses of ice. He poured tea and set the pitcher down before leaving again.

Dean was about ready to take a sip of tea when the door burst open. Castiel groaned internally.

“Castiel, rumor has it that you have a celebrity as a guest and didn’t inform your partners. How rude of you.” Crowley gave him a mocking frown before he turned to Dean.

“Fergus Crowley, Castiel’s partner and friend. And you are?” Crowley offered his hand.

“Dean Winchester.” Dean stood to shake the offered hand.

Castiel knew Crowley wouldn’t know Dean from Willie Nelson. “Dean is a country music singer, Crowley. A rather famous one.”

“Country.” Crowley looked like he’d swallowed something distasteful. “Well, to each his own. So, Mr. Winchester, are we building you a house?”

“No…I have three…well, two now.” Dean finally sat down and Crowley slid out another chair. Crowley looked questioningly at Castiel. Castiel sighed. Until Crowley’s curiosity was quenched, he would stay.

“Dean is an old friend, here for a visit.”

“Oh…an old friend…” Crowley looked at him knowingly. Castiel knew his partner’s mind was on the conversation from the other night. “…how nice. Well, I must run. I’m meeting Balthazar downstairs.”

“Downstairs?” Castiel looked up from the napkin he was nervously playing with.

“Yes, we are going to have sushi. If you checked your emails, you would have gotten the memo.”

The door shut behind him. Castiel shrugged. “Crowley is a bit…”

“Strange?” Dean offered.

“Well, there is that…but I was going to use the term psychotic. He’s one of my best friends though, so I overlook his behavior.”

Their meals were brought out and the conversation turned to food and Castiel learned that Dean was a real foodie. They were halfway through their meal when Castiel got a text.

**Text from Crowley/12:22 – A definite step up from Michael. Please do not boink him on the table. We have to eat there too.**

He groaned. Dean looked at him quizzically. “Bad news?”

“No, just very immature friends.”

Dean insisted on thanking Rufus for the wonderful lunch so, Castiel followed Dean into the kitchen. While the older man showed Dean around the kitchen, Castiel got another text.

**Text from Balthazar/12:56 – I want to meet your new boy toy. Don’t worry, I will knock first just in case you are fornicating on your desk.**

**Text from you/12:57 – Fuck you both.**

After the kitchen tour, they rode the elevator up to Castiel’s office again. Hannah and David were still at lunch, so the office was empty. Balthazar’s text came to mind and Castiel took a second to imagine Dean bent over his desk.

“I guess I’ll let you get back to work,” Dean’s voice brought him out of his fantasy before it got too embarrassing. Castiel’s cock had started to harden. In his jeans, it would be noticeable.

“I…uh…left a key for you…to the apartment. I thought you might want to…if you want…you could check out of your hotel.” So, much for a college education and a masters degree, he couldn’t even speak proper English.

“That would be awesome, Cas. I’ll go pack and see you when you get off.”

Then Dean had him against the wall, tongue halfway down his throat.

***

There was something fuckin’ hot about Cas in his tie and blazer, those tight ass jeans… in his fancy office. Dean wanted to bend him over that desk, lick his hole until he was begging for Dean’s dick.

No one was here, just the two of them. Cas could lock his door…

Then Cas started talking about the key, him moving into the apartment and he was so nervous about it…it was cute.

Dean slammed Cas against the wall. Cas gave a little ‘oooph” right before Dean’s mouth crashed down on his. Dean put everything he had into that kiss…it was rough, wet and filthy. He was grinding his cock against Cas and hello, Cas was just as hard as he was. Cas’ hands were everywhere, but Dean’s were on Cas’ waist, holding him steady while he rocked against him. Dry humping wasn’t what he wanted though. “Want you…naked…on…your desk.” Dean managed to get out between kisses.

“God, Dean…fuck.” Cas was trying to unbutton Dean’s shirt, but his fingers were trembling. Dean wrapped his hands around Cas’ to steady them.

“Easy, Babe…I got this.” Dean stepped back and started a slow striptease, one button at a time. Cas was leaning on the wall looking wrecked, his eyes glazed and watching Dean’s hands with a burning intensity.

Dean pulled his shirttails out and let the shirt drop to the floor. He moved back in for more kisses. His hand palmed the side of Cas’ face to hold it still while he took his mouth. His tongue dominated Cas’ while he picked up where he left off…grinding against Cas.

The knock startled them both. “Fuck,” Cas hissed. He pointed to a door. “Bathroom.”

Dean grabbed his shirt and shut the door behind him. He looked around. “Nice.” The room was done in khaki paint with sage green accent pieces. The fixtures, all white, consisted of a sink, toilet and a shower stall. He grinned at his reflection. A shower meant they could have sex… He wondered if Cas ever jerked off in the shower.

He heard voices. Shit, he recognized Crowley’s voice. There was another one too. Sounded like he had an accent…

“Dean’s in the restroom.” Dean heard Cas say, it was slightly muffled but he could make out the words. Dean grimaced, the chances of fucking Cas on his desk just dropped to zero. Dean put his shirt back on, made himself presentable, flushed the toilet for good measure and left the bathroom.

He made eye contact with Cas first and almost snorted. Cas’ hair was standing up on one side, his lips were swollen and he had some razor burn from Dean’s stubble. Not good. He plastered on a smile and turned to Cas’ partners.

The partner he hadn’t met yet was eyeing him like he was a bug under a microscope. Crowley just looked smug.

“I was just telling Balthazar and Crowley you were in town for a few days…seeing the sites.”

“Oh, I’ll bet he’s seeing something,” Crowley said with a smirk. Cas gave the guy a look that would have killed most men.

“Cas, I need to get out of here. I’ll see you…later.” Dean met Cas’ eyes again and he saw the apology there. Fuck, it wasn’t his fault his partners interrupted them. Cas needed to shut them up though. He said they were his friends, so if Cas told them not to spread rumors, they wouldn’t. At least, he hoped that was true. Once in the lobby, he sent Cas a text. He seriously couldn't let his get out.  Benny would have his ass.

**Text from you/1:21 – Please tell your friends to stay quiet about what they think is going on between us.**

Dean didn’t wait for a response. He knew that Cas would take care of it. He had stuff to do. After packing his stuff at the hotel and checking out, he stopped by the same grocery store he’d found earlier and did some shopping. He planned on having a great meal ready for Cas when he got home.

***

Castiel knew his partners knew what he and Dean had been doing behind the closed door of his office. After Dean left, they’d teased him about it and he told them the whole story. They’d been his friends for over fifteen years, he could trust them.

Balthazar was the one who wanted to make sure he knew what he was getting into. Crowley just wanted to make sure Castiel was ‘getting some’.

Then he got the text. He read it three times before the anger set in. Did Dean think he was stupid? And what the hell had he meant by ‘what they think is going on between us’. It was pretty damn obvious what was going on.

By five, Castiel had calmed down. Dean was just spooked at being caught making out in Castiel’s office. With his celebrity status, he didn’t want the tabloids to make something out of their relationship. It made sense. It did…really.

When he unlocked the door to his apartment, the aroma of garlic made his mouth water. Dean was in the kitchen with his back to the door. He’d figured out how to use Castiel stereo system and music was pounding out of the speakers. Not his CDs. He must have found a rock station.

Castiel laid his briefcase and laptop on one end of the dining room table. The other end was set for two. He could get used to this. It was all so domestic. Coming home from work to a home cooked meal, they’d talk about their days over dinner and make love every night.

He moved up behind Dean and wrapped his arms around his waist. “Smells good.”

Dean turned with a grin. “You’re home.” Castiel melted into Dean. Home.

This kiss wasn’t like the heated one at the office. This was more…loving…gentle. Castiel reveled in it, wanting it to last forever. The music, the sound of boiling water…all disappeared until it was only his heartbeat…strong and sure. Dean murmured and nipped at his bottom lip. “Hey, if you don’t want me to burn dinner, you need to let me go.”

“Burn it,” Castiel said huskily and reached to pull Dean in again.

Dean chuckled. “Someone’s horny.”

“Been horny all fucking day.” Castiel tried to undo Dean’s jeans, but Dean pushed his hands away.

“After dinner. Go change and then you can have a glass of wine.”

Castiel caught his reflection in his dresser’s mirror. He was smiling…really smiling. Dean Winchester was in his kitchen, cooking them dinner. Dean would be laying in his bed tonight…touching him, making love to him. This was twenty-two years in the making. They were finally together.

He pulled on a pair of gym shorts and a t-shirt and ran down the stairs.


	9. Rainy Night in Georgia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shameless smut...just a touch of kink.

They were just about finished with Dean’s spaghetti when lightning flashed across the night sky. A rumble of thunder followed it.

“Sounds like a storm is coming,” Dean stood to clear off the table. Cas stood as well.

“I caught the news on the way home. They predicted thunderstorms tonight. Looks like the weatherman was right for a change.” Cas picked up his plate and wineglass and followed him into the kitchen.

They made short work of the mess in the kitchen. “Dinner was wonderful, Dean. You are going to spoil me.”

“It’s nice having someone to cook for. I don’t get to cook much when I’m on the road.”

“Does that ever get old? Traveling from city to city for months out of the year?”

“Yeah, it does get old. I love giving a show to the fans, but there are times I just wish I could be curled up in a big chair reading or watching TV. I’ve told Benny that next year, I not going out as much. I want to do maybe ten concerts a year, a few special appearances and that’s it. Spend more time writing music and recording in the studio.”

“How does he feel about that?” Cas took the large pot from Dean and wiped it dry.

“Benny is…Benny…he would be happy if I toured fifty-two weeks out of the year. He’s all about bottom line, but Christ, I have more money than I’ll ever spend.” 

“You should do what makes you happy, Dean.” Cas was looking at him with those bright blue eyes and Dean wished he believed in happily ever after.

“You know what would make me happy?” Dean asked, stepping into Cas’ personal space.

Cas smiled and stepped into his arms. “What?”

“Taking you to bed.” 

Cas took his hand and led him over to the wall switch. He cut off the downstairs lights and they walked up the steps. Cas’ bedroom was dark, the only light came from the city outside and the frequent flashes of lightening. 

They took their time brushing their teeth and Dean got a kick out of putting his toothbrush beside Cas’ in the holder mounted on the wall. They grinned at each other like school children with foamy mouths. 

“Shower?” Cas asked, indicating the large walk-in shower that six people could probably fit in. Dean noticed the three separate heads and nodded.

“Heck, yeah.” Dean was already naked by the time Cas got the water temperature adjusted. He looked at Dean and the desire Dean saw in his eyes made his heart skip a beat. Dean opened his mouth to say something smartass…something funny…nothing came out. He swallowed and hung his head. No one had ever looked at him like that before and he didn’t feel like he deserved it.

He was aware of Cas undressing. He knew Cas stepped closer. He closed his eyes and then felt Cas’ finger pushing his chin up. “Open your eyes, Dean.”

Dean wanted to shake his head and turn tail and run, but he couldn’t. He opened his eyes and Cas tilted his head. “What are you afraid of?”

He shrugged. What could he say? Gee, Cas, I’m afraid of being alone. I’m afraid of growing old all by myself. I’m afraid that I’m not good enough for you. I’m afraid of loving someone. So, instead, he lied. “Disappointing people.”

“You could never disappoint me,” Cas said quietly. 

“You’re just biased,” Dean gave him a lopsided smile. It was time to change the subject. “Come on, we’re wasting water.” Dean stepped into the hot spray and gave an exaggerated moan of pleasure. “Is it wrong to be in love with a shower? This is awesome, Dude.”

Cas laughed and hit one of the buttons on the tiled wall. Steam began to gather around them and it smelled like…what? “What is that?”

“It’s a mixture of lavender and eucalyptus.”

They washed each other and the serious conversation was forgotten for the time being. Dean shampooed Cas’ hair and gave him a Mohawk with the suds. Cas smacked Dean on his bare, wet ass leaving a bright red handprint. “Mine,” he growled.

“Kinky son of a bitch,” Dean said, laughing while rubbing his ass. The smack stung, but he didn’t mind.

“You haven’t seen kinky,” Cas teased, turning off the water and opening the glass door.

“Seriously?” Dean took the towel Cas offered him. He was intrigued. “Okay, tell me, where’s the craziest place you’ve ever had sex?” 

“The fifty yard line after we beat LSU. A friend let me into the stadium after midnight. It was dark and we just had a quickie.”

“You sly dog…who was he?”

“It doesn’t matter. It was a long time ago.” Dean sensed Cas didn’t want to talk about it, so he moved on. 

“What is the kinkiest thing you’ve ever done?” Dean hung his towel up on the bar behind the door and followed Cas into the bedroom. Cas shook his head at Dean’s question. 

“I went to a sex club once.”

“A sex club? Like in Amsterdam?”

“No, Dean, in Atlanta. They have sex clubs everywhere, you just have to know where to look.” Cas moved up to Dean and he could feel the heat from the hot shower still radiating off his body. He looked like a god standing there, nude, a flash of lightening behind him.

“And what did you do there?”

Cas shook his head. “Dean, do you really want to talk about this now?” Cas’ hand drifted across his stomach to his cock and he stroked it. Dean was mesmerized. He didn’t answer Cas’ question for a few moments. He just watched Cas touching himself, cupping his balls while his long fingers drifted up and down his length. His cock was getting hard. Dean’s cock was lengthening from just watching. 

“Uhm, no…” Dean sat down on the end of the bed and licked his lips. Cas came forward so he was directly in front of Dean. Dean looked up. “Get yourself off for me, Cas.”

Cas tilted his head and his smile was sly. “Who’s kinky now?” 

Dean was going to give a wiseass comment, but when Cas ran his thumb over his slit and tasted himself, Dean came close to having an aneurism. Cas didn’t back up, he stayed right in front of Dean, legs slightly spread and his hand moved slowly up and down his shaft. His precum was giving him enough lubrication that his hand slid easily along his length. He tugged on his balls and let his head fall back. Dean’s dick was hard and leaking, but Dean was so entranced with the show Cas was putting on that he wasn’t touching himself.

Cas’ hand was going faster now and the slapping sound of his palm against his wet cock was loud in the room. Dean’s mouth was open almost like he was ready to wrap his lips around Cas’ dick and catch his load. And he wanted too. He wanted Cas to come on his face. It was something Dean never experienced, never wanted to experience, but now…the thought of Cas’ cum on his lips…on his face…

“Cas, come for me…come on my face,” Dean’s voice hitched and Cas let his head roll forward. His eyes met Dean’s and they stared at each other. Dean watched Cas’ face contort as his orgasm hit. “Dean…Dean….” Splashes of hot cum hit Dean’s mouth, his chin, his cheeks and he lapped it up, eyes never leaving Cas’. 

***  
Knees weak, Castiel almost collapsed at the sight of his cum on Dean’s face. He grabbed onto Dean’s shoulders and kissed him, tasting himself. He used his tongue to lick away the ejaculate that Dean couldn’t reach. He was spent and Dean pulled him down on the bed. Dean was touching his face, whispering to him…how beautiful he was…how erotic it was to watch him jack off…

Castiel needed Dean inside of him. He reached over to the nightstand and pulled out the supplies. He saw Dean’s eyes widen. “Whoa…what the…”

“You wanted to know how kinky I am…my nipples are really sensitive and I love to have them played with…roughly.”

Dean picked up the nipple clamps and gave Castiel an interested look. “I’ve never used anything like this, Cas. Show me.”

Castiel lay back on the pillow and attached the clamps to his nipples, the sliver chain glistened in the dim light. 

“Does it hurt?” Dean asked.

Castiel took Dean’s hand and wrapped his fingers around the chain. “Tug on it, easy.” Dean gently held the chain taut. Castiel smiled. “You can do better than that, Dean.”

When Dean gave the chain a sharp tug, Castiel’s back arched and he groaned. “Yesssss. God, yes. Please, Dean…fuck me now.”

Dean snatched up the lube and squeezed out a generous amount. Castiel spread his thighs wantonly. Dean ran a slick finger between the cheeks of his ass. When he pushed inside, Castiel thrust up, taking his finger deeper inside. “Talk to me, Cas. Tell me what you want.”

“Need you to fuck me, Dean. Want you inside me…want to watch you come…see your face…” Dean added another finger and Castiel rocked his hips, fucking himself on Dean’s hand. Dean leaned in and nuzzled Castiel’s flaccid cock. He gave it a swipe of his tongue and just as he added a third finger, he tugged on the chain, pulling at Castiel’s nipples. Castiel writhed on the bed, panting now. “Yes. Dean…”

Dean was pumping his fingers in now, rough and fast and Castiel felt on edge. The need became almost unbearable. “Now, Dean. Damn it…need it now.”

Castiel was barely aware of Dean opening the condom. He felt Dean’s hands spreading his thighs wider, hooking them around his waist. Castiel let his body be manipulated by Dean. Then he felt the head of Dean’s cock at his opening. He keened, trying desperately to get Dean to take him fast and hard. 

“God, Cas…so fucking tight…” Dean was pushing inside. Castiel felt the burn…that moment of pain that burst into an explosion of pleasure. Dean was in him now. Why wasn’t he moving…Castiel thrashed against him. “Easy, Babe…”

He felt the blood rushing to his cock…the pleasure of having Dean…always Dean…inside him, on him… 

Dean drew out and thrust back in, his hips snapping. “Yesyesyes,” Castiel murmured softly, almost like he was chanting to himself. Dean’s cock was at just the right angle to hit his prostate with every stroke. Lightening lit up the room, rain was pounding against the building, thunder rolled… and Dean took him. Dean was fucking him hard now…sweat dripping down his face, drops falling onto Castiel’s stomach…onto his cock…

“God, Cas…gonna…gonna…fuck.” Dean body seemed to seize. His hands were gripping Castiel’s thighs so tight they were going to leave bruises. Castiel could feel Dean’s cock throbbing inside of him. He looked up at Dean’s glazed eyes and slack jaw. The man looked completely wrecked. 

Castiel’s dick was hard again…he needed release…his hand wrapped around his shaft, but before he could even begin, Dean pulled out. Castiel hissed in frustration. 

“It’s okay, Babe…I’m going to take care of you.” Dean wrapped his hand around Castiel’s and on the down stroke, he stopped. Castiel gasped when Dean’s hot mouth covered the head of his cock. Their hands pumped in time to the movement of Dean’s head. Castiel reached up with his other hand to caress Dean’s check before moving up to comb his fingers through Dean’s short hair. Castiel was close…his nipples were throbbing…his balls tightened…so close… Dean must have sensed it because his talented mouth moved faster up and down and he reached up with his other hand to tug at the chain. Castiel cried out at the pull of the clamps. 

He pulled his hand out from under Dean’s and Dean’s gaze followed Castiel’s hands. Castiel rubbed on his sore nipples…his back arched and he cried out. The edge was right there…within his grasp and he released the clamps. Blood rushed back into his nipples and he tumbled over the edge. Dean swallowed, gently pumping out the last of his cum. An aftershock swept through him and he shuddered. Dean shifted, placed a kiss on the tip of his cock and crawled up the bed until he was lying beside him.

Castiel let himself be wrapped up in Dean’s arms, in effect becoming the little spoon. They were turned so they could watch the storm raging outside. Castiel felt Dean’s breathing grow even. This was something he could get used to very easily. 

“I love you, Dean,” he whispered as he drifted off.


	10. Shake It Off

Dean was in that fuzzy place right before sleep takes over. His arms were around Cas and his eyes were heavy but the storm outside was mesmerizing and he enjoyed watching it through the huge windows. 

“I love you, Dean.” It took every amount of willpower he had not to react to Cas’ confession. He prayed to God and all that was holy for Cas not to hear the way his heartbeat accelerated. It was only after he heard the soft snore that Dean carefully shifted away from the sleeping man and swung his legs off the bed. He pulled on his boxer briefs.

Downstairs, he opened the French doors and padded barefoot out onto the balcony. The rain pounded down, cool on his skin. He leaned down on the railing, using his forearms for balance. Cas loved him. Or at least, thought he did. Why did shit have to get so complicated? 

He should just leave, pack his stuff while Cas slept and move on to Nashville. History repeating itself. He couldn’t go, not now. Not when he and Cas had connected again after all these years. Did that make him selfish, to want Cas in his life. To want him, knowing Cas loved him… Dean wasn’t even capable of loving anyone, it wasn’t fair to Cas, but he couldn’t let go…not yet.

Dean wasn’t sure how long he stayed on the balcony, letting the rain pour over him. The flashes of lightning weren’t coming as close together and the thunder sounded further away. The downpour was now just a steady rain. He went back inside. Leaving a line of wet footprints across the wooden floors, Dean climbed the stairs. In the guest bathroom, he found a towel and dried off. He hung his wet underwear over the shower curtain bar.

Cas was still in a deep sleep, one arm thrown over on the opposite side of the bed, like he was reaching for something…someone. Gently, careful not to wake him, Dean crawled back in bed. It took a long time for him to fall asleep. He heard Cas’ alarm but mumbled and rolled over. The noise ceased.

The next time he woke, the sun was steaming into the room. He squinted and his bladder told him he needed to get his tired ass up. He sat up and put his feet on the floor. His phone was on the nightstand. Eleven twenty-eight. 

The note on the counter just said that Cas would see him around five. A wave of guilt washed over him. He fixed his coffee and took the mug upstairs with him. The shower made him feel human…human and starving. 

He drove around until he found a decent looking restaurant that didn’t look too crowded or trendy. Baseball cap and glasses in place, he stepped inside. A waitress told him to sit wherever he wanted and he found a booth in the back. She brought him a menu and he made sure he kept the bill of his cap down low. He was deciding on whether to get the cheeseburger or the chicken fingers when he heard the distinctive sound of a cell phone’s camera. He looked up. 

The woman seemed to be embarrassed at being caught. Dean smiled at her and went back to his menu. Normally, fans gave him privacy when he was having meals. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see her typing furiously on her phone. Within hours, he knew his face would be on Twitter and Facebook, seen by thousands. 

It didn’t even take that long. Dean was finishing up the last of his fries when his phone rang. “Hey, Sam.”

“Hanging out at Aunt Betty’s Restaurant?”

“Yeah, the fries are hand cut and they have pie.” Dean leaned back in the booth.

“You’re still in Atlanta.” It wasn’t a question, but Dean knew Sam wanted an answer just the same.

“I’m hanging out with Cas. It’s all good, Sam.” He couldn’t tell Sam the whole story or Sam would rip him a new one.

“So, you and Cas…have…reconnected?”

“Just friends, Sam.” They talked for a few more minutes.

Dean drove back to the apartment and changed into a pair of Cas’ running shorts. He went out on the balcony and laid out on one of the chaise lounges. He read for awhile before turning over to get some sun on his back. It had been a long time since he’d actually done nothing at all. 

At four, he went inside and started dinner. He’d decided he could pretend he hadn’t heard Cas. Why ruin the good thing they had going. Letting Cas know he heard him would just embarrass Cas and Dean couldn’t do that. Even though he was leaving in two days, he wanted them to remain friends. He…cared…about Cas.

***  
Dean looked so good sleeping in his bed. Castiel was dressed for work and was running late, but he took a few moments to look at the younger man. After Castiel had gotten out of bed, Dean had sprawled out more, encroaching on Cas’ side of the bed. The sheet was low, barely covering Dean butt. He very much wanted to crawl back in bed and wake him up by kissing a trail down his spine, over the swell of his ass and dip his tongue in to tease and arouse him.

Downstairs, he noticed a couple of puddles on the floor leading from the French doors. He narrowed his eyes and followed them back upstairs into the guest bath. A pair of wet boxer briefs hung over the shower curtain. Dean’s. He must have gotten up in the middle of the night. Why did he go outside in the rain?

By the time he got to the office, he’d forgotten about it. Fridays were always busy at CN&S. Crowley left yesterday afternoon for a site visit in Orlando and Balthazar was meeting with the folks at Emory University about renovations to some of their buildings. Castiel was glad because that meant they couldn’t have any conversations with him about Dean.

The firm let everyone go at four-thirty on Fridays in appreciation for a job well done. Castiel was so eager to get home to Dean that he was one of the first out the door.

When he entered the apartment, he saw Dean outside at the grill. He sat his things down and took off his jacket before opening the large glass doors. Dean looked up and his smile looked distracted. 

“Hello, Dean.”

“Hey. I’m grilling some tuna fillets and asparagus. Scalloped potatoes are in the oven.” Dean wielded the tongs like a chef. 

“Is there anything I can do? You need another beer?” Castiel noticed the four empty bottles sitting on the patio table. He hoped Dean slowed down.

“Yeah, bring me another.” 

Castiel opened the fridge and pulled out two bottles. He popped the tops off and went back outside. “What did you do today?”

“Not much. Went to lunch, hung out here.” Dean wasn’t as talkative tonight as he usually was. He was staring intently at the food on the grill.

“Do you want to go out tonight?” 

Dean looked up and smirked. “Right, Cas. I’m trying to lie low here…going out on the town isn’t in the cards.”

“Oh…right…I’m sorry. I guess it’s hard being a celebrity.” 

“Dinner will be ready in five. You want to get the table ready?” Dean changed that conversation fast.

“Sure, Dean. I can do that.” Castiel went inside. Something was wrong with Dean. Then again, what if this moodiness was normal? How well did he really know Dean? Did he love this Dean or was he still in love with the boy from a lifetime ago? 

They ate in relative silence. Castiel tried to start a conversation a few times, but Dean’s answers were either yes or no and he didn’t expound on anything. When Dean stood to take his plate to the kitchen, Castiel couldn’t take it anymore.

“Dean, is everything alright?”

“Yeah.” Dean started rinsing the dishes making talking impossible. Castiel let the matter drop. After the kitchen was clean, Dean opened another beer. That one made seven. Castiel switched to water. Dean gave him a quizzical look but didn’t say anything.

Dean picked up the remote and found the Netflix app. “Any requests?”

“No, Dean, pick whatever you want.”

They watched Animal House. Dean laughed throughout the whole movie. Castiel thought the humor to be juvenile, but he enjoyed Dean’s laughter.

***  
Dean was trying to snap out of his mood. The movie helped. He caught Cas laughing with him a few times. He didn’t mean to be pissy, but damn it, the guilt was eating away at him. 

When the credits rolled over the screen, Cas yawned. Dean forgot for a while that Cas worked in a regular job and had been up early that morning. And they’d been up late having mind blowing sex.

“You ready for bed?” Dean didn’t mean for it to come out suggestively, but Cas’ face told him it did. 

“Yes,” Cas whispered and leaned over to kiss Dean. Dean didn’t know what else to do, so he kissed back. God, it was good. So good. They made out like teenagers on the couch, just kissing and touching through their clothes. He couldn’t give this up.

Cas slid his hand around the small of Dean’s back and pulled him closer. Dean positioned himself on Cas’ lap, straddling Cas so he could rut against him. He grabbed handfuls of Cas’ hair and the kiss became punishing. He tasted blood and wondered whose it was, neither seemed to want to stop and check though. Cas had his hands under Dean’s shirt, fingers splayed wide over his lower back...holding Dean while he dry humped him.

Cas broke the kiss and moved his lips down Dean’s face to his jaw, then lower still…to just above his collar…his breath hot on Dean’s skin. “Cas…” Dean lifted his chin, giving Cas better access. Cas’ slightly chapped lips on his flushed skin was driving him crazy. Dean’s cock was pressed so hard against his zipper that he hurt. 

Why was Cas still wearing a tie…Dean gripped the knot and pulled it. It loosened enough that he could pull it over Cas’ head. He was getting ready to throw it when a better idea took root in his brain. With surprise on his side, he pushed Cas face down onto the couch and wrapped the tie around his hands, pulling the knot tight. Cas gave a bark of laughter, but didn’t try to pull away. 

Dean turned him sideways, so he could reach his belt. He pulled it from the loops of Cas’ jeans and tossed it across the back of the couch. He made short work of Cas’ jeans and boxers. Dean looked down at Cas. Naked from the waist down, his dress shirt riding up so Dean could see his cock, hard and thick. They were both breathing heavy. Cas watched him and Dean knew he was anticipating what Dean was going to do next. 

He pushed him back over on his stomach and got between Cas’ legs. He spread the cheeks of Cas’ ass and dipped his tongue into the tight puckered hole. Cas bucked under him and cried out Dean’s name. Dean licked and sucked, eating him out until he was a writhing mess. Dean’s arm rubbed against the leather belt and his cock twitched in his pants. Did he dare? Other than a few smacks with his hand, he’d never even thought about something like this…something so…

The smack of the leather on bare skin was startling. Dean didn’t mean to pop him that hard. Cas moaned and rutted against the couch. Dean leaned down and kissed the raised welt gently. “Sorry, Babe…”

Cas’ reply was garbled, but it sounded like he said ‘again’. Dean brought up his hand and the belt smacked the other cheek. “Jesus…Dean…”

Dean couldn’t do it again. The marred skin looked so painful. He tossed the belt aside and kissed and licked the welts. When he sat up again, he moaned. Cas looked so damn hot…hands bound by his blue tie, white shirt hiked up to mid-back, lily white ass streaked with the two red slashes of raised skin. “Cas, Baby…want to fuck you so bad…”

“Yes…please, Dean…please.”

Dean stood. He leaned down and kissed Cas’ cheek. “Be right back.” He took the stairs two at a time. He was in such a hurry, he almost ripped the drawer out of the nightstand. “Oh…oh…” Castiel Novak was a kinky bastard. The drawer was full of all kinds of playthings…handcuffs, vibrators, plugs. “Fucking, hey.” He would explore later, for now, he grabbed the lube and a condom. 

Back downstairs, he pulled his shirt over his head and let it fall. His jeans landed next to Cas’. Cas was watching him and Dean stroked himself. “Want you so fucking bad, Cas.”

Dean didn’t waste any time. He rubbed his slick fingers over Cas’ hole, murmuring how beautiful Cas was like this. His finger slipped inside and Cas groaned, pushing back, trying to drive Dean’s finger in deeper. Dean kissed the welts again and again, with each thrust of his finger. He added another, stretching Cas open…wanting him so badly that he shook. Cas’ hips were raised off the couch and before Dean took this any further, he wanted Cas to be comfortable. He pulled his fingers out and heard Cas hiss. “Easy, Cas…it’s okay. Just want to make this good for you.” Dean stood and maneuvered Cas so he was on his knees by the couch and his torso was on the cushions, hands still bound behind his back. Dean shoved the coffee table out of the way and added more lube to his fingers. He pulled his fingers together and pushed three inside of Cas’ hot, slick hole. “Dean…Dean…fuck…”

“Almost, Cas.” Dean spread his fingers, stretching the muscle…then he reached between Cas’ legs with his other hand and cupped his balls. He pulled and squeezed them gently. Cas rubbed his dick against the edge of the couch seeking friction. Slowly, he eased his fingers out. The condom was on in record time. “Ready, Babe…ready for my dick?”

“Yesyesyes…fuck me, Dean.” 

Dean gripped the base of his cock and pushed past the tight ring of muscle. He sank into Cas slowly. Once he was inside, he began to rub Cas’ lower back, then he moved up to Cas shoulders. He massaged the older man’s neck and shoulders until he was relaxed and pliant. Only then did he start to move. He moved slowly, only pulling out an inch or two before pushing back in. He rolled his hips, trying to find that optimum spot. The one place that would give Cas the most pleasure. 

Cas’ swift intake of breath told Dean he’d found it. He gripped Cas’ shoulders and got into a steady rhythm, riding Cas slow and easy.

“Dean…faster…” Cas’ pleaded.

“No…Baby…tonight, I’m in charge.” Dean continued the slow torture. Cas trembled beneath him and begged Dean to make him come. Dean resisted, even though his knees were beginning to hurt. Every stroke was designed to give Cas pleasure. Each pornographic noise Cas made kept Dean going. A fine sheen of sweat coated Cas’ back. Dean wasn’t going to make it much longer. His muscles ached from holding the slow pace. 

Cas’ sides were heaving, Dean released Cas’ shoulders and moved one of his hands to Cas’ hip, the other reached around. He worked his hand between Cas and the couch. The leather was wet with Cas’ fluids, both sweat and precum. His rhythm faltered…he was close…so close. “Come for me, Cas.” 

All it took was for his fingertips to trail along the prominent vein on the underside of Cas’ cock and the man cried out. Hot cum covered Dean’s hand. Cas’ body felt like a vice and it ripped Dean’s orgasm from the very depths of his soul. “Cas…Jesus…fuck…” He rode it out, aftershocks racking his body until he couldn’t stay upright. He collapsed on Cas’ back with a soft grunt. 

“Cas…you…okay,” Dean panted in his ear.

“Understatement.” The single word had Dean laughing softly. He eased out of Cas’ body and sank to the floor until he was sitting on his ass next to Cas’ legs. He pulled off the condom and tossed it on the coffee table. Not very sanitary, but fuck, he could barely move. Cas’ body weight was being held up by the couch. Dean reached up and touched the welts, still prominent on Cas’ ass, softly with his fingertips.

“I’m sorry…I didn’t mean to hit you that hard.”

“Don’t be sorry. That fucking turned me on…never been like that before.”

***  
Castiel wasn’t lying. He’d been involved in some kinky shit since college, but the wildness he felt when Dean smacked him with the belt was a new feeling. Pain had never been a serious turn on. Yeah, he liked his nipples roughed up some, but spanking…not his thing… A smack on the ass here and there were okay, but belts and whips…no way. Until tonight…until Dean.

“Dean?”

“Hmmm?” Dean’s voice was relaxed and he definitely sounded sated.

“Can you untie my hands? Please.”

He felt Dean fumbling with the knot of his tie. He’d never be able to wear that tie again without thinking of this night. He was just going to put it in a drawer. His hands freed, he sat on the floor next to Dean, back against the sofa.

The whole room smelled of sex and sweat. He grimaced at the leather couch. Semen stains covered the front of one of the cushions. “Need to ask Google how to clean cum off of leather.”

This seemed to strike Dean as hysterically funny. He laughed until he fell over sideways. Castiel looked down at him and he started to laugh too. It took a while before they had enough energy to move. Dean stood first and pulled Castiel to his feet. They went straight for the fridge and Castiel grabbed them a bottle of water each. Dean chugged his down and burped. “Oops…excuse me.”

“No excuse…heathen,” Castiel teased. He finished his water and took a deep breath. They were in serious need of a shower, but the idea of climbing the stairs made him groan.

“What?” Dean asked.

“Stairs.”

“Carry me,” Dean tried to look serious but failed and they giggled. 

“Come on, let’s do this.” Castiel took a step and Dean pushed him back against the counter. 

“Last one to the shower has to clean the couch.” Dean sprinted. How the fuck could he move that fast? The competitive runner in Castiel growled and he caught Dean halfway up the stairs. His hands grabbed his ankle and Dean went down. “Cheat.”

They both tried to fit through the bathroom door at the same time and got wedged for a second, but Castiel smacked Dean’s ass and when he jumped, Castiel pushed forward, holding his fists up in triumph.

As they washed each other, Castiel noticed Dean’s bad mood had disappeared. He was laughing and joking now.

They lay in bed, side by side, but not touching. Dean was looking up at the ceiling and Castiel was looking at Dean. “What do you want to do tomorrow?”

“Do you have to work?” Dean asked, glancing his way.

“No…got the whole weekend off.”

“We can have sex…eat…have more sex…eat…take a nap…have sex and eat.”

Castiel leaned over and kissed Dean. Dean wrapped his palm around Castiel’s neck and deepened the kiss. When Dean released him, he smiled down at Dean. “Sounds like a plan.”

Castiel rolled over on his stomach and then he remembered. “Hey, why were you outside last night?”

“Outside? Oh, yeah. I woke up to pee and couldn’t go back to sleep. I just…uhm…felt like cooling off.”

He’s lying. Why was he lying? Castiel was still awake when Dean’s breathing evened out.


	11. Almost Goodbye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You knew it was coming.

Dean opened his eyes and blinked in the bright sunlight. Damn, Cas needed some freakin’ curtains in the bedroom. Speaking of…where was he? He didn’t have to go to work today.

He smelled coffee and…bacon… Dean bounded out of bed and opened his suitcase. Flannel sleep pants were the perfect attire for a day spent lounging around and having sex. Lots of sex. But first, food.

Dean paused at the top of the stairs. Cas was in the kitchen cooking breakfast. He was wearing an old pair of sweats that were slung so low on his hips that the crack of his beautifully firm ass was showing. Dean grinned. If everyone had an ass like Cas, plumber’s crack wouldn’t be a bad thing. He wasn’t wearing a shirt and the muscles in his back rippled as he hefted a cast iron skillet to another burner.

Cas was so busy cooking, he didn’t hear Dean walking up to him. He gave a little start when Dean’s arms enveloped him in a hug from behind. “Morning, Sunshine.”

“Good morning, Dean. I hope you’re hungry.”

“Starving.” Dean kissed the back of Cas’ neck and then sucked it until there was a mark.

“Stop it, Dean…” Cas murmured without much conviction.

“Or what?” Dean asked. His fingers trailed up Cas’ sides causing the man to shiver.

“Or we don’t get breakfast.”

“Okay, I’ll stop, but after we eat I want to do bad things to you.” Dean gave one last lingering kiss to Cas’ shoulder and then stepped back.

They ate the huge breakfast that Cas made, cleaned up the kitchen and with the help of Google, they cleaned the couch. Who knew vinegar and flax seed oil could clean leather.

“Who has flax seed oil in their fridge?” Dean stared at the brown bottle, lip curled in disgust.

“I had a problem with my cholesterol for a short time and I refused to take pills with hundreds of side effects, so I started using flax seed,” Cas informed Dean, who was still looking dubious.

“Well, now you can stay healthy and clean leather at the same time,” Dean said, putting the bottle back into the refrigerator.

“Nice to know,” Cas said dryly.

Dean took his hand and spun him into his arms. “Want to go make out now?”

They took their time…kissing…touching…on the stairs…in the hall…

Dean rode Cas languidly. His eyes were closed, his head thrown back, back arched slightly…the muscles in his thighs constricting, only to release so he could sink down on Cas’ shaft. His hands roamed over his body, stopping to touch his cock, cup his balls, pinch his nipples…before moving on, lingering on his flat stomach…a slow stroke along the length of his dick.

***

Dean couldn’t know how beautiful he was. The bright sunlight bathed him in golden light. Dean’s body was tight around him and it felt so good, but more than that feeling was the heat he was feeling from just watching Dean. Castiel’s hands rested on Dean’s thighs, not wanting to break the spell by touching Dean himself.

Castiel stared…Dean lifting up, sinking back down…just as he changed where his hands touched, Dean would change the rhythm…from a slow up and down motion to a gentle rocking motion…a roll to his hips that caused Castiel’s cock to brush against his prostate. Cas knew every time it happened because Dean’s mouth would release a soft gasp.

This time, neither of them were chasing completion. This time, it was just about enjoying the sensations. “So, beautiful,” Castiel whispered reverently.

Dean opened his eyes and looked down at him. The slow smile was almost Castiel’s undoing. “I know you are,” Dean said, his deep baritone softly teasing.

How long they stayed like that, Castiel didn’t know, nor did he care. Gradually, Dean’s movements increased, as did his breathing. The small gasps turned into moans and Dean’s hand was firm on his cock, stroking the length of it, slick with his juices.

Castiel gripped Dean’s hips and held him steady. Dean moaned and tried to lift up again. “Shhh, Dean, I just want to feel you come around me. Let me see you come.” Dean’s eyes met Castiel’s and while he was aware of Dean’s movements, all he wanted was to see those green eyes at the exact moment he went over the edge. Dean’s hand moved faster, his breathing harsher. “Cas…need to…”

“Don’t close your eyes, Dean…please…” Castiel’s gaze held Dean’s and when that moment came, Castiel followed over the edge, just from the heat and tightness of Dean’s body alone. Dean held himself up by placing his hands on Castiel’s ribs, small spasms ran through both their bodies. With a grunt, Dean lifted himself off of Castiel’s softening cock and fell to the mattress beside him. Castiel disposed of the condom quickly and grabbed a few tissues to clean his stomach and chest of Dean’s cum.

Sated, they napped.

Castiel was dragged out of a weird dream about being naked and covered in bees by Dean poking him in the ribs. “Go away,” Castiel muttered and rolled away from Dean.

“We can’t sleep all day, Cas.”

“Yes, we can.” Castiel pulled his pillow over his head.

“I want to go to Stone Mountain. You need to wake up.”

“Stone Mountain is for tourists,” Castiel said petulantly.

“I’m a tourist.” This statement was delivered with a smack on Castiel’s naked ass.

“I hate you,” Castiel muttered from under his pillow.

“No, you love me…now get your ass up.” Castiel lifted the pillow and stared at Dean. Dean looked stricken for a second but he covered up by leaping out of bed. “I’m hitting the shower. You better hurry or I’ll leave your ass here.”

Stone Mountain was a touristy thing to do, but Castiel found he was enjoying himself with Dean. Dean made friends with a young goat at the petting zoo, then they both got wet at the Geyser Towers, but dried quickly in the hot sun. The cable car ride to the summit was fun and they shared their car with a family from Pittsburgh whose teenage daughter was pouting about being on vacation with her parents until she saw Dean. Dean let the girl take several selfies of the two of them.

Dean wanted to see everything and that included a ride on the train that took them around the mountain. Dean snapped pictures of the scenery and Castiel. Castiel just snapped pictures of Dean. Many of the passengers of the train recognized Dean and Dean was gracious and outgoing. No one asked who Castiel was and he was grateful for that.

Several hours later, the two men got back in Castiel’s car. They stopped at a post office so Dean could buy stamps for the post cards he bought Benny, Sam and Charlie. “The guy at the gift shop said we’ll have to come back in the fall when the leaves are turning.”

Castiel turned, “We can do that.” So, did that mean Dean was going to be around in the fall? Castiel couldn’t let himself get his hopes up.

That night, they ordered pizza and Dean introduced Castiel to online gaming. “Charlie goes to lots of LARP events, but I never have the time for that. I can play this with Charlie while I’m on the road. You can create a character and play with us. It’ll be fun.”

Castiel watched the screen of Dean’s laptop in confusion. This was way beyond his abilities. “See, that’s me. I’m Karok and Charlie is Vella.” Castiel watched Dean’s character tear the head off of a goblin.

“This is a very violent game, Dean.”

“It’s fantasy, Cas. Haven’t you ever wanted to grab a silver blade and save the world from demons?”

“No. I can honestly say that has never crossed my mind.”

***

The insistent ringing of his phone woke Dean. He fumbled around on the nightstand until he found it and took a second to look at the time. Eight o’clock on a Sunday, Benny better have a damn good reason…

“What the fuck were you thinking, Dean?”

“Huh? What?” Dean was still trying to wake up. Why was Benny yelling at him?

“CMT shared a little story about you last night. Luc at Roadhouse Records called me at six this morning wanting me to explain how this happened.”

The fog was beginning to clear from Dean’s mind and Cas was awake as well, looking at him curiously. CMT was the country music network that played videos and other things. Roadhouse Records was Dean’s label. “Benny, I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.”

“Let’s just say a few pictures of you and an ‘unknown male admirer’ are all over the internet. People are speculating about your sexuality now.”

“Benny, calm down. Jesus, Man…send me the link so I can see whatever it is that has your panties in a bunch.”

“Fine. Look at it and call me back. You’ve got an hour.”

“An hour? What the fuck, Benny?”

“I’m meeting Luc at ten to do damage control. An hour, Dean.” The line went dead.

“Is everything alright?” Cas asked. He sounded worried.

“Not sure. Need to check on a couple of things.” Dean pulled on his sleep pants and padded downstairs. His laptop was where he left it on the coffee table. He opened it up and went straight to his email account. He deleted some spam, answered one from Charlie and then the email from Benny appeared in his inbox.

The link led him to the CMT segment from the night before.

**Country music legend, Dean Winchester was spotted in Atlanta over the weekend. An outing at Stone Mountain with an unknown male admirer gave the tourists lots of photo opportunities. While most of the photographs looked platonic, a few caused some speculation. Debra Matheson from Pittsburgh told CMT that her family was in the cable car with the two men and they looked like lovers. She told our reporter that the unknown man had stars in his eyes and touched Winchester intimately. Several of the pictures we found on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook showed an attractive, dark haired man with Winchester. In this picture, you can see the man with his hand on Winchester’s waist. Is Winchester playing for both teams? After his very public divorce from Jo Harvelle earlier this month, we wonder if Winchester has sworn off women. Calls to Harvelle and to Winchester’s agent have remained unanswered.**

The segment continued with references to other celebrities that have come out, giving the spin that CMT is all about being gay friendly. Dean glared at the screen.

“I’m so sorry, Dean.” Cas’ voice startled Dean. He couldn’t respond. He was racking his brains…trying to remember the cable car ride. He remembered the family and their spoiled teenage daughter. He didn’t remember Cas touching him…intimately or otherwise. He felt sick to his stomach.

His phone rang again. This time it was Sam. “Hey.” Dean stood and went out to the balcony, closing the door firmly in Cas’ face with a silent ‘I’m sorry’ mouthed through the glass. He needed to be alone to handle this shit storm.

“I guess you’ve talked to Benny.”

“Yeah. He’s having a meltdown,” Dean’s voice was resigned.

“You see the report?”

“Yeah, just watched it,” Dean said, looking out over the city.

“Dean, it doesn’t matter what other people think.”

Dean gave a bark of laughter. “Right, tell that to my record label, Sammy.”

***

Castiel watched Dean pacing on the balcony. He looked so agitated. Castiel sat on the couch and played the TV segment again. Pictures of him and Dean were now plastered everywhere. It was a media circus. Castiel buried his face in his hands.

He was still like that when the French doors opened and closed with a resounding click. He looked up. Dean glanced at him and then looked away. “I’ve got to head to Nashville.”

“I understand.” He didn’t, but Dean had people to help him…help him what? Sweep it under the rug, pretend it never happened, or deny everything?

Dean left Castiel sitting on the couch. Five minutes later, Dean came downstairs carrying his suitcase. He sat it by the door and came over to the couch. Castiel prayed he would sit down, kiss him and promise that he’d be back soon, instead Dean closed his laptop and carried it to his suitcase. “I’ll call.”

Castiel closed his eyes at the sound of the door clicking shut.

He must have dozed off because the ringing of his phone woke him. It was Balthazar. “Hello.”

“You’ve made the news.”

“What?” Castiel sat up. “What are you talking about?”

“The Atlanta Weekend Update on Channel Five had a few pictures of you and your country singer. Seems that someone recognized your picture and now you’ve been linked to Dean Winchester.”

“Fuck.”

“Castiel, are you okay?”

“Dean left this morning. He…he wasn’t happy about …this whole…” Castiel let his sentence trail off.

“Sit tight. I’m coming over.”

“No need, Balthazar. I’m a big boy.”

Castiel hung up and stood. He felt lost. The bar stood in the corner and it seemed like it was calling his name. No…alcohol didn’t solve anything. He tried that the last time Dean left. He laughed bitterly. This seemed to be a pattern. Dean is a part of his life and then ‘poof’, he’s gone.

He was leaning against the railing of the balcony trying to visualize his next home design…anything to keep thoughts of Dean out of his head. His phone was on the coffee table inside. He’d turned it off after several friends called to ask questions.

“Don’t jump, he’s not worth it.” Crowley’s voice came from behind him. He suddenly regretted giving his partners keys to his apartment.

“Very funny,” Castiel muttered. He turned and saw his two partners…his two best friends…standing there.

“We’re here to listen,” Balthazar said softly and tugged Castiel into his arms. He felt Crowley patting his back. Crowley wasn’t much of a hugger, but he was here because he cared. Castiel was okay with that.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dean comes off towards the end of this chapter as somewhat of a dick. Don't be fooled.


	12. Gentle On My Mind

Dean pulled onto I-75 and merged into traffic. He couldn't avoid it much longer, Benny was probably pacing his office by now. He ran his thumb over the screen and hit send. 

"I watched it," Dean led in without greeting his agent. "It wasn't that bad, you made it sound like I was getting head in public or something." 

"It was bad enough that your label called your agent at six o'clock in the damn morning. But I've come up with a plan." 

"Jesus," Dean muttered. He was so tired of having people plan his life for him. What to sing...what to wear...who to freakin' marry. 

The look on Cas' face when he left...fuck...he couldn't get it out of his mind. 

"...probably a Sports Illustrated model. Just a few weeks should do it. Kissing and touching intimately in public..." 

"Whoa," Dean interrupted. "What are you talking about?" 

"Damn it, Dean. Pay attention. I said, we will pair you up with a Sports Illustrated model. You two can make out in public, we can even arrange for pictures to surface of her leaving your house. A couple of weeks later, you can discreetly break up. That will put an end to any rumors about your sexuality." 

"No." Dean swallowed and felt lightheaded. He pulled off to the shoulder of the road. God, what was he doing? 

"It doesn't have to be a model, we can find a young actress...that might be better anyway...she can really make the public think she can't wait to get you back in the sack." 

"No, Benny. No more games. Look at what happened with Jo...that was supposed to be about publicity and suddenly, I'm fuckin' married." 

"Hey, that wasn't me, Brother. You're the one that went along on that wild ride. This will be a piece of cake. I'll tell Luc that we're handling it...fill him in on the plan and bada boom, bada bing, you're a ladies' man again." 

"I said no. I'm tired of this shit, Benny. I'm...." 

Benny snarled, "This shit is what's keeping you on the top of the charts." 

"Seriously, wow, I thought maybe, just maybe my talent as a singer and a songwriter was doing that. Boy, am I stupid," Dean said sarcastically. Dean got out of the Impala and started pacing on the side of the interstate. 

Dean heard Benny's heavy sigh over the traffic noises. "Dean, look, you and I both know you are talented, but you have an image that we've cultivated and that's who your fans love. Would all those people like Dean Winchester if he was..." Benny stopped. Dean knew he stopped before he said something offensive. 

"Maybe that's who the real Dean Winchester is, Benny." 

"Dean, listen to yourself. You're getting yourself bent out of shape for a cock. Those are a dime a dozen...just follow the plan and be seen with a hot looking woman. Keep your nose clean for a few months, then you can go back to having discreet sex with men. It'll work out...trust me." 

Dean did trust Benny. The man had taken a loser with a bit of talent and turned him into a household name. He pinched the bridge of his nose. "Benny, can you call Luc and see if you can bump back the meeting? I'm on my way to Nashville now. I don't want any decisions made unless I'm in the room. Got that?" 

"Sure...sure, Dean. Just come straight to the Roadhouse Records office and call me when you get there. Don't sweat this, we're going to fix it." 

Dean hung up and got back behind the wheel. Three hours later, he pulled into Nashville. Three hours of thinking and talking to Sam. The radio had remained silent the entire time. 

The offices of Roadhouse Records was located near Vanderbilt University. The traffic wasn't bad and parking was easy to find since it was a Sunday. Dean was hungry. He hadn't eaten all day and when he was hungry, it made him grumpy. He walked into the office with his chin up. He was ready for this. 

Benny was waiting by the elevator. "Let me do the talking." 

"Benny, you've been good to me and you're family. I've always trusted your judgment and my career is where it is because of you...." 

"But?" Benny suddenly look resigned. 

"But...I'm tired of every God damn thing I say or do becoming front page news. The media is like a freakin' school of sharks waiting for blood in the water. I'm not going to bleed for them anymore. I want to live my life, Benny. I just want to sing and write songs. I want to find someone to share my life with, maybe have a couple of kids...a dog...a house with a big backyard." 

Benny looked down at his boots and pursed his lips. His head rose and he nodded. "I got it." 

The elevator pinged and the doors slid open. Dean and Benny stepped inside. On the outside, Dean looked calm and collected, inside he was about the hurl. He recalled his conversation with Sam. Sam told him to chase his dreams and fuck everything else. 

Luc Price, the Vice President of Roadhouse Records was standing in the lobby, hands in the pockets of tailored slacks. He was wearing a pale blue dress shirt, open at the throat. "Dean. Benny. Glad you could make it. I think we can do some quick damage control and this will be forgotten in a few days. The fans will be happy, we'll be happy and everyone wins." He led the way to a large conference room. The last time Dean was in this room was after he won Entertainer of the Year at the CMA awards two years ago. Benny had renegotiated his contract for a higher percentage on CD sales. 

Dean sat and tried to relax. Benny took the chair next to his. The tension came off his agent in waves. Luc remained standing. It was an intimidation tactic Dean had seen thousands of times before. 

"Now, Benny, I think you will agree that our plan needs to begin with getting Dean into the limelight with a beautiful woman. We will arrange for some of the networks to be at the right place at the right time to see Dean kissing her, holding her hand, all the things a normal heterosexual male would be doing with a woman he's sleeping with..." 

Dean smacked both hands down on the table. "Change of plans." 

Luc's lip curled. He wasn't happy with Dean's interruption. Dean didn't care. Sam had gone over his contract thoroughly. "I am bisexual. Always have been, always will be. I plan on living my life just like I have been with one major difference. I'm not hiding who I am anymore. I'm not interested in going on talk shows and waving rainbow flags. I don't have an agenda. I just want to be treated like everyone else. If I want to date a man, I will. My contract with Roadhouse Records expires next year. If you don't want to renew it, that's your prerogative and we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. For now, there is nothing in that contract that says you can control that aspect of my personal life." 

Luc turned to the large window and put his hands back in his pockets. His posture was rigid. Benny laid a hand on Dean's forearm and Dean looked at his friend. Benny winked at him. Dean let out the breath he hadn't been aware he was holding. Him and Benny were going to be okay. 

*** 

Castiel didn't do a whole lot of talking. Crowley and Balthazar spent the rest of the morning with him. They'd pulled a few of the highs and lows out of Castiel, enough that Crowley wanted to 'rip that motherfucker's nuts off'. Said in his accent, Castiel found it amusing and managed a smile. 

They both left around noon. Castiel had to threaten them with taking a three week vacation to the Bahamas if they didn't leave him alone for awhile. 

"Maybe you do need a vacation," Balthazar said at the door. "Go somewhere and drink lots of cocktails with little umbrellas sticking out of them. We can handle what comes up." 

Castiel tilted his head in thought. "You know, I think I might like that." He shook his friend's hand and said, "I won't be in the rest of the week. Don't worry, I'll have my cell with me." 

Castiel called the airlines and booked a round trip ticket to Costa Rica leaving later that afternoon. He hastily packed a bag. If he forgot anything, he could buy it there. Passport in hand, he drove to the airport. 

Five hours later, he touched down in San Jose. He rented a Jeep at the airport and drove two hours to the resort he'd helped design seven years ago. When he arrived, he sent texts to his partners telling them where he was and for them to call him if they needed anything. 

The suite was luxurious and Castiel unpacked quickly. He had an ocean view and six days to enjoy it. The first thing he was going to do was go to the restaurant. He wasn't overly hungry, but he knew he needed to eat something. He was just about to leave his room when his phone rang. Dean. Castiel hesitated a second or two before he declined the call. Three times Dean left him. Castiel wasn't a baseball fan, but he knew three strikes means you're out. It was time to get Dean Winchester out of his life for good. He blocked the number from his phone and made his way to the restaurant. 

That night, he lay on expensive sheets, with the terrace doors open so he could hear the surf. Instead of being relaxed, his thoughts turned to Dean. Being in bed with him, able to kiss and touch as much as he wanted. All those years of wondering what kind of man Dean grew up to be...now he knew. Dean Winchester cared more about his public persona than anything or anyone else. For a brief time, Castiel saw the side Dean kept hidden from his adoring public, the dorky man who petted goats and loved to cook...the man who made love with wild abandon. 

Castiel got up and stomped into the bathroom. The prescription of Ambien came in handy. He slept deep and dreamless. 

The morning found him on the beach, wearing a very skimpy bathing suit. He'd never wear something like this in the states, but hell, he wouldn't see anyone he knew here. Several women tried to get his attention, but while polite, he wasn't interested and it showed. Mostly, he read the book he brought with him and drank fruity cocktails brought to him by the young and very attractive cabana boy. He was very nice to look at, but way too young. Nothing wrong with eye candy to take his mind off...him...he wasn’t even going to say his name anymore. That part of his life was over...twenty-two years too late...but over now. 

A shadow fell over him and he looked up through his aviator sunglasses. "Hello, I've been watching you all morning and I just wanted to come over and introduce myself. The name's Victor." 

"Castiel." Castiel reached up and shook the offered hand. The attractive, black man nodded towards the chaise lounge next to Castiel's. 

"Is this taken?" He sounded like a fellow American. His bathing suit was a bit more conservative than Castiel's and looking down at himself, he felt a bit self-conscious. The small, white bathing suit left nothing to the imagination. Castiel could see the outline of his cock plainly. It would be worse if he got wet. Something he'd been planning to do to cool off, but that was before Victor walked up. 

"No." Castiel watched the man lower himself into the chaise and set his small bag down on the sand. 

"Where are you from?" 

"I live in Atlanta," Castiel answered. 

"I'm from Chicago." 

Curious, Castiel turned to him and asked, "Why were you watching me?" 

"I watch people, it's my job." 

"Your job?" 

"I'm with the FBI. Take you for example. You're staying at a very expensive resort, so you're in a lucrative line of work. You have been approached by several fine looking women and you not only turned them down, you didn't even look at their scantily clad bodies. That tells me you're probably gay. You're in a tropical paradise alone and that means you're single and looking or you've just broken up with someone. Your choice of bathing suit tells me that you are looking to get laid. How'd I do?" 

"Impressive. You got the first three right and the jury is still out on the fourth one." 

They wound up having lunch together and Castiel admitted to himself that an affair with no strings might be just what he needed. He let Victor rest his hand on his bare thigh during their meal by the resort's pool. They flirted easily until Castiel's phone rang. "Sorry, it's one of my partners. I have to take this." 

"Castiel, Dean Winchester showed up at the office this morning looking for you," Balthazar said in lieu of a greeting. 

"What did you tell him?" 

"You were on a vacation and couldn't be reached." 

"Good." Good. If it was so good, why was he wondering why Dean bothered to come back to Atlanta. 

"He was pissed when I wouldn't tell him where you were." 

Castiel didn't speak for a few moments. "Thanks for taking care of that situation for me, Balthazar." 

"Situation? Oh...you aren't alone. Castiel, he left a message for you." 

"I don't need it." 

"Yes, you do. You need to hear this before you do something stupid, unless you've already..." 

"No, Balthazar, I don't need to hear it." Castiel was adamant. He didn't...he couldn't... 

"Cas, I shouldn't have left. I told my label I'm bi and I'd date who I damn well please. I want to date you. I need you. Dean." Balthazar read the note anyway, damn him. Castiel was silent. Balthazar spoke again. "What should I tell him, Dean?" 

"Tell him...tell him...I...can't." 

"Foolish pride won't warm your bed at night, Castiel. Pride won't kiss you good morning." 

"It's not about pride, Balthazar. Not at all. He left me...three fucking times...he left me." Castiel didn't even notice Victor walking away. 

"I'm your friend, Castiel. I'll do what you want me to do." 

"Tell him to leave me alone." Castiel hung up the phone and looked around. Victor was gone and it was probably for the best. Castiel flagged down the cabana boy and asked for another cocktail. As night fell, Castiel's little paper umbrella collection grew. 

*** 

"So, you really must like this guy?" Benny asked as they left the office building. 

"He was my first love." Dean couldn't believe he just shared that bit of information. God, he sounded like he was in a starring role in some lame chick flick. 

"Well, now that you've told the VP of your record label that you were going to see whoever you wanted, are you going back to Atlanta?" 

"I..yeah...I have to fix it." 

"I'll cancel the studio time. Just promise me you'll write songs while you're...you know..." Benny shrugged, obviously embarrassed about discussing Dean's love life. 

"I'll talk to you soon." Dean hugged his friend and got into the Impala. He called Charlie once he was driving again. She met him at the house. While he was packing more clean clothes, he filled her in on his week. 

He called Cas to tell him he was coming back and to tell him about the meeting, but Cas didn't answer. He left a voice mail. He was halfway back to Atlanta and Cas still hadn't called him back. It was well past time for Cas to be home, but no one answered his knock. The key. He still had it. He let himself in to wait. 

By eleven, Dean was pissed. He'd sent texts and called and he got nothing. Was Cas out partying? He had to come home sometime. Dean undressed and crawled into Cas' bed. The stress of the day and all the driving allowed him to fall asleep quickly. 

Dean woke up alone. He showered and dressed. He parked in the slot marked Castiel Novak. The same receptionist was there and greeted him with a smile. 

"Where's Castiel Novak?" 

"I'm sorry, Mr. Novak is out of the office." 

"Yeah, I got that much. Where is he?" 

"I'm not..." 

Dean didn't wait for her to finish. He strode towards the elevators. She ran after him, but high heels couldn't beat a man in cowboy boots with a mission. The doors opened and Dean opened Cas' office door. His secretary...Hannah...yeah, that was it, Hannah, was sitting at her desk. 

"Mr. Winchester? How can I help you?" 

"Where's Cas?" 

"Mr. Novak is out of the office." 

"No, shit. Where?" 

"Hannah, I'll take care of this." Dean spun around and Cas' partner, Balthazar was standing in the doorway. 

"If you'll follow me." He turned and walked down the hall to his own offices. 

"Ruby, hold my calls," he told the woman sitting at the desk. 

"Yes, Sir, Mr. Sebastian." 

Once his office door was closed, he turned to Dean and Dean took a step back. The man looked pissed, royally pissed. "You have a lot of nerve coming here. Haven't you done enough?" 

Okay, he deserved it. "I fucked up. I just need to fix it. I need to see Cas." 

"Castiel is out of the country." 

"What?" Dean's voice rose several octaves until he sounded like a soprano. He took a breath and tried again. "What do you mean, he's out of the country?" 

"You can understand English, can't you. I thought the sentence was self explanatory." 

Dean saw red, he stepped forward until he was right in Balthazar's face. "Listen to me, I need to talk to Cas. If you don't tell me where he is right...God damn...now..." Dean's fists rose threateningly. The man didn't flinch. What was he doing? Dean spun around and ran his hand through his hair. 

"Son of a bitch!" 

"You hurt him. I really don't know what he sees in someone like you. I do have to admit you are better than the last bastard...not by much, mind you..." 

"I know I hurt him." Dean looked back at the man. "Don't you see, I'm trying to fix it." 

"If you want, you can write a message and I'll make sure he gets it." 

"Right...I don't think a note is going to fix this." 

Ten minutes later, as Balthazar was dialing Cas' phone, Dean knew he'd made a friend. Balthazar's side of the conversation didn't go as planned and Balthazar's eyes were full of pity when he hung up. "I'm sorry." 

"Not your fault." Dean turned to go. He had a long drive back to Nashville. He wasn't wanted in Atlanta. 

"That's it...you're giving up?" Balthazar called after him. 

Dean shook his head, not bothering to turn around. "I got nothing else." 

"He's in Costa Rica. Suite 342 of the Casa Leon Resort. I would suggest you use that information to your advantage." 

"I don't know what to say." 

"Name your first child Balthazar and we'll be even." 

Dean laughed. He sprinted down the hallway and punched the button on the elevator. He had plans to make. Where was his passport? Charlie would know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I have family coming for Mother's Day, so I won't have another chapter up until Monday at the earliest. Everyone have a great weekend.


	13. Kiss An Angel Good Morning

Dean's flight didn't get him to San Jose until the wee hours of the morning. He'd slept some on the plane, but not enough. He found a small hotel near the airport and set the alarm on his phone. Three hours later, he was in a rented jeep heading towards the coast...towards Cas. 

The map the rental company gave him was useless, so he used the GPS on his phone. Unfortunately, even that got him totally lost. Directions from an old man with a herd of goats had him pointed in the right direction. He still didn’t get to the resort until after nine. 

He went straight to Room 342. After knocking a few times, followed by a few bangs with his fist, Dean realized Cas wasn't in his room. He slid down the wall until he was seated. What if Cas was with someone? No, Cas loved him, he wouldn't fuck around...unless... Unless he thought Dean didn't return his feelings. Dean wasn't sure about the whole love thing. He cared about Cas, otherwise he wouldn't be in Costa Rica sitting in a hallway instead of in a recording studio in Nashville. 

Dean glanced down at his watch. He'd only been sitting there for ten minutes, but it seemed like hours. Where was Cas? 

A housekeeping cart came out of the elevator and the young woman looked at him curiously. 

"You locked out?" She said in heavily accented English. 

Dean thought fast. "Yes. I was supposed to meet my fiance', but he must have got the times mixed up. He's probably at breakfast. I just want to put my suitcase inside our room so I can go find him." 

"Si." She took out her key card and a few seconds later, Dean was looking around Cas' suite. He was impressed. The balcony looked over the ocean. Inside the bedroom, Dean saw the bed was unmade and by the looks of things, Cas slept alone. Dean breathed a sigh of relief. 

He strode through the lobby, gaining some interested glances. He still wore the same clothes he wore yesterday, jeans, a chambray shirt and cowboy boots. He'd left the baseball cap in Cas' room, but he must look out of place to all the tourists on holiday. 

Cas wasn't in the restaurant or on any of the patios by the four pools. Frustrated and hot, Dean looked towards the ocean. It was a long walk. Before he started, Dean stopped at one of the hotel's refreshment kiosks and got a bottle of water. 

The beach was almost deserted this time of morning and Dean looked up and down the expanse of shoreline. Walking in sand while in boots wasn't the easiest thing he'd ever attempted. He sat down on a chaise lounge and was about to pull off his boots when a figure appeared in the distance. Dean squinted. It was a runner wearing bright red shorts and no shirt. Dean would recognize that body anywhere. He stood up and slogged through the sand towards the man. 

He knew the exact moment when Cas saw him because he stopped dead in his tracks. His posture wasn't relaxed, in fact, his fists were clinched at his side and his face didn't look welcoming. Dean supposed he deserved it. There was still about ten yards of beach between them. Dean wanted to walk to Cas and tell him...tell him what? He fucked up? He's sorry? But he found himself just standing there, staring into eyes that were the same color as the ocean behind him. 

"Why are you here, Dean?" Only a few days have passed, but Dean finds he misses that voice. That raspy, sexy as fuck voice. 

"I needed to see you...to talk to you." Dean did take a step closer then. 

"I'm not doing this again, Dean. I'm sorry you came this far, but I don't want to ever see you again." 

"Damn it, Cas. I worked everything out. I told my record label and my agent that I would date whoever I wanted." He wouldn't let Cas see how badly his words hurt. 

"I'm happy for you, Dean. Really I am, but I am just a piece of your history. I'm sure it was fun to fuck your first love again, but you've done that and now you can move on. You got your closure." 

"I don't want closure, Cas. I want you." 

"No, Dean." Cas shook his head and turned away. 

*** 

Castiel ran down the beach as if demons were chasing him. He is a runner. He doesn't jog, but this morning's run is not the relaxing, easy run like normal. This morning his pushed his limits. The first mile almost killed him. The hard packed sand at the water's edge took its toll. When he turned back towards the resort, his pace was slower, less punishing. He saw the lone figure up ahead and at first didn't think anything of it. As he drew closer, his brain noted that the figure was overdressed to be on a beach in the tropics. 

When the man stood up, Castiel's breath caught. How had Dean found him? Dumb question. There was only one way he could have found him. He would kill his partners. Slowly. Painfully. 

It took everything Castiel had to keep his voice steady and his face impassive. Then Dean had to go and tell him that he wanted him. Castiel knew Dean didn't mean he wanted him sexually, he meant he wanted him...period. Castiel knew that with all his heart, but he couldn't do it. He couldn't survive Dean leaving again...and he would. Dean would stay with him and the sex would be great, they would have fun playing house for awhile and then Dean would grow bored or cave in to the pressure of being in a relationship with a man. He turned away because his eyes would give him away. 

He felt Dean's hand on his arm. "Cas, don't do this. This thing we have..." 

"What is this thing, Dean? What are we? Fuck buddies?" Before Dean could respond, Cas continued, "I want someone to come home too. Someone I can talk about my day with and they can tell me about theirs. I want a life with someone, Dean. Kids, a house, a dog...I want it all. You can't give me that." 

The amount of self control it took to keep from crying, or worse yet, turning into Dean's strong arms, was causing Castiel's chest to hurt. 

"I can't make promises about happily ever after, Cas. No one can. All I can do is promise that I won't leave you like that again. I want to see if we have a chance...fuck, just give us a chance, Cas." 

Castiel was weak when it came to Dean. He knew it and so he wasn't really surprised when he turned around and blurted out, "I love you, Dean. I've loved you since you were sixteen. I never stopped. I've never been able to have a normal relationship because I made what we had all those years ago a fucking fairy tale." His chest was heaving with the emotions that were swirling around his heart. 

"Maybe fairy tales can come true, Cas." 

Castiel gave a bark of bitter laughter. "Right." The word dripped with sarcasm. 

"I'm not going to give up, Cas." Dean's eyes held determination and something else...longing? Castiel wondered if he was imagining it. Wishful thinking on his part, maybe? 

He opened his mouth to speak...to tell Dean it would be best if he got back on a plane and just forget about him. Before he could get the words out though, Dean had him in his arms. He was kissing him and it felt like coming home. He couldn't fight it anymore. 

The kiss held unspoken promises, pent up emotions and a hint of desperation. One of them whimpered...one of Dean's hands was buried in his hair, holding him close. His other hand roamed Castiel's bare back. "Cas..." Dean's voice in his ear went straight to his dick. 

"Room..." Cas whispered hoarsely. 

Dean released him. He was wearing that easy smile that had made Castiel fall in love with him all over again. "My stuff is already in your suite." 

"How..." Castiel asked. 

"My charm, good looks and I may have mentioned that you are my fiance'," Dean said sheepishly. 

Castiel knew Dean got through life because of his charm, good looks and talent. Second...no, make that third, thoughts ran through his mind. He was so fucked. 

Dean intertwined his fingers with Castiel's and led him back towards the resort. 

*** 

Dean knew he was getting another chance...a chance he probably didn't deserve. He couldn't blow this. Charlie had given him a pep talk and Sam had wished him well. Now, it was up to him. 

They got a few strange looks as they walked through the lobby. A guy in western wear and a half naked man holding hands. They probably didn't see that everyday. In the elevator, Cas was up in his personal space and giving out vibes like he wanted to continue the kissing, but Dean had a plan. He refrained from kissing him, even though he wanted it badly. 

As Cas opened the suite, Dean let go of his hand. "Why don't you shower and while you get dressed, I'll shower. I want to go exploring after we eat lunch." 

"Huh?" Cas looked confused. "But...I thought..." 

"What? That we'd jump in bed and spend the week fucking?" 

"I guess..." Cas was looking at him like he'd grown another head. 

"Cas, when it comes to sex, we're great together. I want to get to know who you really are. What makes you laugh. What pisses you off....you know, stuff like that." 

The smile that Cas gave him was worth the blue balls he'd have by the end of the day. True to his word, Dean showered while Cas dressed and he even put on his clothes in the bathroom. He emerged wearing a pair of khaki cargo shorts and a t-shirt. Cas was wearing shorts as well, but he had a turquoise colored polo shirt on. 

They ate at one of the hotel's poolside bars. Dean tried fish wrapped in a banana leaf with the traditional beans and rice, while Cas opted for a shrimp salad with fresh fruit. Afterwards, Dean put the top down on the jeep and they set off to explore. Dean noticed that Cas hadn't asked him about his meeting with Benny and his record label. There would be plenty of time to talk about it later. Today was about hanging out and getting to know the men they'd become. 

They started at Rio Celeste, a National Park that had waterfalls and some of the bluest water Dean ever saw. After hiking around there for a couple of hours, they went to the Black Stallion Hills and rented some horses. Cas wasn't very comfortable on horseback, but he got the hang of it quickly and they got to ride along the beach. The Nosara Wildlife Sanctuary proved to be Cas' favorite part of the day. Dean snapped a ton of pictures of Cas holding some of the native monkeys. 

It was growing dark by the time they got back to the resort. Dean reached over and took Cas' hand like it was the most natural thing in the world. Dean didn't take time to analyze that. 

Dinner was fresh swordfish eaten by one of the pools. The pool was deserted since most people were in the restaurant. After eating, Dean stood up and pulled off his shirt. He grinned at Cas and dove into the crystal clear water. He swam the length and when he got back, Cas was treading water. Dean dunked Cas and the older man came up sputtering. It turned into a free for all with lots of splashing and colorful language. 

That night, Dean insisted on sleeping on the fold-out couch despite Cas' protests. Dean did kiss him goodnight though. Cas deepened the kiss, hands roaming, but Dean caught his wrists and held them behind his back. Cas growled low in his throat and Dean moaned at how damn sexy that sounded. God, he wanted him...naked and wanting below him. Begging for Dean to fuck him. 

"You keep telling me no, but your body is saying yes," Cas said, running his hand over the bulge in Dean's sleep pants. 

"My body is a horny teenager trying to get in your pants, my mind is a thirty-eight year old man who is fall..." Crap, Dean almost fucked up royally. Cas was looking at him quizzically, head tilted sideways. 

When Dean didn't finish, Cas shrugged. "Guess I'll be going to bed now. What is on the agenda for tomorrow?" 

"I thought we'd get up and have breakfast and then rent a couple of kayaks." 

The fold-out couch was comfortable, but Dean still had trouble falling asleep. The day had been fun. Being with Cas made him wish for that fairy tale. 

*** 

Castiel wondered what type of game Dean was playing. He lay in his bed, with Dean less than ten feet way behind a wooden door and that thought kept him awake. Kissing and touching Dean was like being addicted to drugs. One kiss just made him want more and more. 

He moaned softly. He'd had a taste of Dean...the weekend started so good...kinky sex followed by making love...then the world came crashing down around them with that one phone call. 

He touched his lips. The kiss on the beach had been incredible. So much emotion wrapped up in their two mouths. Castiel wanted more. His hands trailed down his neck and over his chest. His nipples hardened under the soft pinches. A moan escaped and held his breath. Had Dean heard? 

At the very thought of Dean hearing him, his cock lengthened. He cupped his balls and squeezed them before tugging on them. In his imagination, it was Dean's hands. He kicked off the comforter and sheet. He bent his knees and spread his thighs. Using his thumb to wipe the bead of precum off his slit, he used it to rub along the crack of his ass, stopping at his entrance to get it slick enough for him to insert his finger. "Ahhhh." 

Soon he was pumping into his fist with the same rhythm he was using to fuck himself with two of his fingers. The headboard banged softly against the wall. It wasn't the same wall as the living room, so he didn't think Dean could hear it. It was Dean's hands, Dean's mouth and God...Dean's cock... 

He was close. He spit on his palm and gripped himself tighter. His fantasy of Dean over him...on him...was so vivid. He arched his back, pushing his fingers in deeper, brushing against his prostate. His whispers came subconsciously.... "Dean, please fuck me. Make me come..." Almost there...almost... 

His orgasm made him gasp...at the exact moment, he imagined looking up into Dean's beautiful emerald eyes. Dean was whispering how much he loved him...how much he needed him. A long stream of cum pulsed out of his cock...then another...and another. The cum was hot on his belly and he ran his hand through it, making his fingers slick...he stroked himself slowly until he softened completely and the tiny muscle spasms stopped. 

Not even bothering to clean himself off, Castiel rolled to his side and was asleep quickly. Dreams of Dean riding a huge, black horse filled his night. 

Castiel slept later than normal. He was going to run before Dean woke up, but it was already after eight. He quietly opened the bedroom door and looked at Dean. The younger man was on his back, legs spread, arms over his head, sprawled out like he hadn't a care in the world. The white sheet was down to his hips and one of his legs was uncovered as well. 

Castiel watched him sleep for a few more seconds before bending down and touching Dean's shoulder. "Dean." 

"Uhm." Dean turned away from him. 

"Dean, wake up." 

"...time is it?" Dean mumbled into his pillow. 

"After eight." 

"…king early." Castiel laughed. He assumed Dean said 'fucking early', but he wasn't entirely sure since his lips were against the pillow. 

"I'm going to shower now." Castiel straightened and left Dean to wake up on his own. 

*** 

Dean rubbed his eyes. Damn, he was so fucking tired. He'd heard Cas last night...heard every moan, every bump of the headboard...it drove him crazy. He'd had to get up and walk out onto the balcony. It took forever before his erection eased. Now, he was exhausted. Cas probably slept like a baby after his...jerk off session. Now, Dean had morning wood and Cas was in the shower. 

"Fuck my life," he muttered. Maybe he should rethink his idea of abstaining from sex. They could still get to know each other and fuck like rabbits too. He could slip into the shower with Cas and get down on his knees...take that sweet cock into his mouth... 

"It's your turn." Cas' voice startled him out of his shower fantasy. Cas was dressed in another pair of shorts and he stood in the doorway drying his hair with one of the fluffy, white towels provided by the hotel. Dean had a boner. How was he going to get up and get past Cas without him noticing. 

"Yeah, I'll get up in a sec." 

Cas went to the closet to look for a shirt and that's when Dean made his move. He was halfway to the bathroom when Cas turned. Dean kept his back to him and shut the door right in the middle of Cas' question about calling to reserve the kayaks. "Yeah...that's fine," Dean called out through the door. 

It didn't take Dean long to get himself off. The sounds from Cas' night and then the brief fantasy this morning had him spilling his spunk down the drain in just a few minutes. He was drying off, spent but unsatisfied. It was going to be a long day. 

They were eating breakfast in the main restaurant when a group of Japanese tourists came in. A teenage boy looked at their table and spoke to his family excitedly in his native tongue. 

"Fans," Cas said, amused. 

"Sorry." 

"Don't be. Go ahead and make his day." Cas nudged Dean's thigh with his own. Dean stood up and walked towards the family's table. Dean said hello and was surprised and relieved they spoke English. He signed their placemats and had his picture taken with the teenager. 

Once he was back at their table, he sat and told Cas to hurry and finish eating. "Time's wasting, Cas." 

He watched Cas finish up the sliced mango. It looked good. "Give me a piece of that." Dean opened his mouth and Cas brought his fork to Dean's mouth. He moaned as the juicy fruit hit his tongue. Cas inhaled sharply. Dean smirked. 

"Let's go," Cas said as he signed the tab. Dean stood up and took Cas' hand. Dean was making a joke about Cas' refusal to try a zipline above the rainforest when he saw the teenage boy staring at him with wide eyes. Dean tamped down his panic of being seen holding hands with Cas. This was what he fought his label for...he wasn't going to be ashamed of who he wanted to be with anymore. As they were leaving the dining room, the teenager's mother stood up and followed them out. 

"Mr. Winchester?" 

Dean and Cas stopped. Cas tried to pull his hand away, but Dean held firm. "Yes, ma'am?" 

"I wish to say...thank you." She moved her hands like she was trying to pull the English words out of the air. 

Dean's eyebrows came together. "Thank you? For what?" 

"My son...he is...is like you and...your...man." She nodded towards Cas. "My son...it has not been...easy. Seeing you...perhaps it will make him...stronger." 

It took Dean a second to process what he was hearing. Did this mother just refer to him as a role model for her son. Holy crap. 

Cas spoke to the woman in her native tongue and her smile increased. She bowed and walked back to the dining room. "What did you say to her?" 

"I told her that I was glad she loves her son and he would grow up to be a fine man one day, like you." 

Dean blushed. "Don't get sappy, Cas." He was teasing Cas, but inside he had a warm and fuzzy feeling.


	14. To Make You Feel My Love

The next few days flew by. Castiel stayed in a state of arousal, but Dean was sticking to his guns about abstinence. The only thing that made it better was knowing Dean was just as horny as he was. Castiel decide to see just how crazy he could drive Dean. Subtle touches on a bare thigh, rubbing himself down with tanning oil very slowly and the nights...well, Castiel didn't try to mask the sound as much as he did that first night. Dean's showers became longer and longer. 

Castiel's flight was to leave Saturday morning. Dean booked himself on the same flight. Castiel suggested that their last meal be at a restaurant down the beach. They ate crab and shrimp. Castiel had a few cocktails while Dean stuck with beer. The walk back was peaceful. The half moon gave them enough light to find their way. They held hands and Dean finally told him about his talk with Benny and the people from his record label. 

Castiel was proud of Dean. Castiel had never hidden his sexuality and so, he couldn't imagine living like Dean had his whole adult life. He still had his doubts about their future, but Dean's head seemed to be in a better place. Castiel loved him enough that he wanted him to be happy, even if it wasn't with him. 

"You're awfully quiet," Dean said softly. 

"Just wishing this didn't have to end." Castiel wasn't sure if he meant 'this' the vacation or 'this' their relationship. He felt Dean's hand tighten around his, but he didn't respond. They walked quietly, each in their own thoughts until the lights of the resort came into view. 

"What are your plans when we get back home?" Castiel had to ask. He needed to prepare himself. Dean's world was so different from his and he knew in his heart that Dean wouldn't be staying in Atlanta. 

"I promised Benny I'd spent some time writing songs and I really need to get into the studio," Dean said vaguely. "What about you?" 

"I left a few unfinished designs, so I need to spend time at the office." 

The conversation died as they strode up to the resort. Once in the room, Castiel felt at odds. This was their last night, maybe forever. He wanted his last memory of this time to be of them making love. 

"I want to shower," Dean informed him. 

"Sure, go ahead." Castiel would take his afterwards. "I'll start packing." 

Castiel picked up his suitcase to begin packing, but Dean took his hand. "Shower with me." 

In the bathroom, Dean removed Castiel's shirt and bent to remove his shorts. A slow smile spread across Dean's face. "I love your tan lines." Castiel wore the white bikini when they went to the beach or the pool. Before Dean got here, he'd been a bit self-conscious, but the appreciative looks Dean gave him confident. He knew it drove Dean nuts. 

Castiel's skin was dark, but Dean tended to burn and the sun caused his freckles to become more prominent. Castiel wanted to trace them with his tongue. He undressed Dean just as slowly, stopping with each bit of bared skin to taste or touch. His cock was heavy and he let his eyes roam over Dean's body. Castiel licked his lips when his gaze rested on Dean's hard cock. His eyes rose and he met Dean's. Dean swallowed and Castiel put his mouth on Dean's Adam apple. Dean let his head fall back. His skin tasted like salt from sweat and the ocean. Castiel dipped his head lower, taking in one of Dean's nipples. Dean murmured, "Feels good, Babe." 

Castiel moved to the other one, taking it firmly in his mouth and sucking hard. Dean's hand came up and cupped the back of his head, holding him there. He let his tongue circle it and then he used his teeth, lightly scraping over the sensitive bud. Dean groaned and took Castiel's hand. He brought it to his cock and whispered, "See what you do to me." 

Dean's cock was hard and felt like velvet. Castiel rubbed it up and down using just his fingertips. He traced the ridge of the head before drifting down to the base. "I want you, Dean. I want you so bad." 

"Shower...then I want you to fuck me. I want to ride your cock." 

Castiel's breath hitched. "Shower," he repeated. 

Under the hot spray, they kissed slowly at first, washing each other. Then the kiss deepened...hot and full of promise of what was to come. Dean tasted of the coconut flan he'd had for desert and he opened for Castiel. Hungrily, Castiel took his mouth, sucking and biting at his lower lip. He couldn't hold back anymore...pushing Dean back into the tile wall...rutting against Dean's cock. 

Dean's hands were fisted in Castiel's hair, tugging at it, trying to get closer still. The days of not having Dean made Castiel's need all the more explosive. He couldn't get enough...dropping to his knees, he opened his mouth and wrapped his lips around Dean's cock. Dean thrust upwards instinctively and Castiel felt the push in the back of his throat. He controlled his gag reflex and breathed through his nose, relaxing his throat. Castiel looked up, Dean's cock deep in his mouth, and met Dean's eyes. Glazed over with lust, Dean's eyes were almost black. Castiel sucked and licked and tasted...moans of satisfaction from Dean egging him on. 

"Cas...Cas...Baby...stop..." Dean's words finally penetrated Castiel's lust filled brain. He pulled off and kissed the tip, sliding his tongue along the slit, drinking in the tiny drop of Dean's essence. Dean pulled him to a standing position. 

Dean turned off the water and they stepped out of the shower. Both were breathing heavily and they couldn't take their eyes off of each other. Barely dry, Dean pushed Castiel into the bedroom. Castiel's legs hit the mattress and he fell backwards. Dean stood looking down at him. "Damn, you are fucking hot." 

***   
Dean felt like he could just stare down at Cas forever. He was gorgeous, laying there, damp from the shower, eyes blown with desire, skin flushed to a rosy hue...his big cock nestled in a thick, dark bush. 

He put his knees on the bed between Cas' legs. He put his face into Cas' bush, inhaling the scent of soap and the heady aroma that was all Cas. His hands roamed over Cas legs, the defined muscles of a runner, the silky dark hair covering his skin. Dean's pulse was racing...he felt a wave of possessiveness. Nobody was having Cas...not every again. Cas was his and his alone. Dean nuzzled Cas' balls and then took them into his mouth, one after the other... Cas' thighs were spread for him and he looked his fill. The pink, puckered entrance...the heavy balls...his shaft...long and hard. 

Using his hands, he pushed himself up and slowly crawled up Cas' body, stopping to run his tongue up the dark trail of hair to his naval...dipping his tongue in for a taste...up his belly to his heart...kissing that place because he knew Cas' heart belonged to him. It was his and he would treasure it. 

Cas moaned as Dean took one of his nipples in his mouth. Dean knew Cas loved nipple play and he rolled the tender bud between his teeth. Cas arched beneath him. "Yes...God...yes." He used his hand to pinch the other one until it was a stiff peak. He sucked, pulling blood to the surface. Eyes dancing, he stopped and looked up at Cas. "Don't move." 

Dean walked into the living room and went to the small refrigerator behind the bar. Inside the freezer compartment, he grabbed an ice cube. Holding it in his fist so Cas couldn't see, he crawled back on the bed. Grinning, he took the ice cube and rubbed it on one of Cas' nipples. Cas hissed at the sensation. After he rubbed the ice over his nipple for a few seconds, he took it back in his mouth. Knowing the cold followed by the heat would drive Cas insane. Back and forth, over and over until Cas was a wreck, bucking his hips, hands gripping the sheets until his knuckles were white. 

When the ice cube was nothing but a small sliver, Dean took it and pushed it into Cas' hole. Cas' eyes were wild and he grabbed Dean, pulling him up to his mouth. The kiss was punishing and Dean knew they'd be bruised tomorrow. He didn't care. Cas flipped them so he was straddling Dean's hips. 

"Want you so bad, Cas." 

Cas reached over and got lube and condoms off the nightstand. Dean was almost shaking with the anticipation of being taken by Cas. Cas moved a few inches further down, so he was sitting on Dean's thighs. He poured some of the lube into his hand and grasped their cocks. After a few strokes, Dean was pumping his hips faster and faster. Dean felt like he was on fire. Every part of him...was focused on the feel of Cas' hand on his cock. 

"Easy, Dean...easy..." Cas' hand slowed and he let his thumb rub over the slit of Dean's dick. Dean whimpered and he knew he sounded needy, but he didn't care. All he cared about was having Cas' cock inside of him. 

"Cas...please..." 

"You want my cock, don't you, Dean?" 

"God...yes..." 

Cas smiled and moved so he was on his knees between Dean's legs. He pushed Dean's thighs up and out so Dean was spread out before him. Cas took his time preparing Dean and when he was done, Dean was a writhing, sweaty wreck. He watched Cas roll the condom down his thick shaft...not long now...not long until Cas' cock was buried inside of him...not long... 

Dean felt the head of Cas' dick pushing in...the muscle stretching... "So tight..." Cas whispered. Dean relished the slow burn...the build up of pressure...the need... He wrapped his legs around Cas, pulling him in deeper. Cas' hands were on either side of his ribcage, so he was looking down at Dean. "Never be anyone else..." 

Cas' words made him feel whole...like he'd been waiting his whole life for this...this feeling. Dean's blunt fingernails bit into Cas' back, urging him to go faster...harder. Small grunts were forced out of him with every thrust. He was close, his heart pounded so hard that he thought it would explode. White heat pooled in his belly...in his sac... "Come for me, Dean." 

Every muscle in Dean's body contracted... "God...Cas..." Dean called out his name as the wave crashed over him. His cum hot on his belly. 

"Dean...Dean..." Cas' rhythm faltered and his eyes locked with Dean's. And Dean knew...knew with every fiber of his being. 

"I love you, Cas." 

Cas shuddered with the force of his own orgasm. He stared at Dean in wonder. Dean moved his hands to Cas' shoulders and rolled them over. He reached down and removed the condom and tossed it over the side of the bed. He'd deal with that later. 

Dean felt Cas' eyes on him and knew Cas would want to talk about Dean's declaration. Dean hated talking about feelings... 

***   
Castiel lay next to Dean basking in the afterglow. The sex was good...no, the sex was great, but Dean's words...should he acknowledge them? 

"That was fucking' awesome," Dean said drowzily. He was on his back, eyes closed and the smile on his face was soft. 

Castiel turned on his side, arm bent to hold his head up. "I love you too, " Cas said tenderly. He let his fingers trail down Dean's cheek. Dean turned into his hand. Cas leaned in and kissed him. The kiss was tender and sweet. They feel asleep with Cas curled up to Dean's side. 

Something pulled Castiel out of his dreams. He blinked in the darkened room. Dean wasn't in bed. Panicked, he sat bolt upright. "Dean," he called out. 

Dean appeared at the door of the bedroom. "Shhh. You want to wake the whole damn hotel?" 

"Sorry, I woke and you weren't here." Castiel didn't want to think of the other times Dean left him. 

"I just needed some air." Dean moved across the room and sat on the edge of the bed. Castiel reached for him and Dean let himself be pulled down to his side. 

"Is everything okay?" Castiel really didn't want to be one of those types of lovers. The needy, whiny ones who kept wondering if they were making their mates happy, but he couldn't help asking. 

"Everything is fine. I just have a lot to think about." Castiel's heart sank. Dean was going to realize a relationship with another man was too much for him. He was going to pull away and once they got off the plane, he'd come up with a plausible reason to leave. Castiel turned away from Dean and curled into a fetal position. 

"I figured I'd keep the houses in Nashville and Austin, but maybe buy a smaller one in Atlanta. I'm sure there are recording studios there, don't you think?" 

Castiel stopped breathing. What was Dean saying? He turned and sat up. "You're moving to Atlanta?" 

Dean must have sensed the disbelief in Castiel's voice because he sat up as well. "Cas, I don't think I'd do well with a long distance thing. Is that what you thought? That I'd go on the road, keep living in Nashville and swing by once or twice a month for a quick fuck?" 

"I didn't...I wasn't sure..." 

"To be so smart, you're a fucking idiot." 

That time, the sex was slow. Dean's body took him willingly and he rode Castiel to completion. 

***   
The alarm woke them and Dean turned it off. He wrapped his arms around Cas and pulled him close. The real world would be intruding in a few hours, so he wanted to hold on to this time as long as he could. He kissed Cas and Cas muttered something about morning breath and tried to roll away. Dean chuckled and dragged him back. "We've had each other's cum in our mouths, Babe, I'm sure a little morning breath isn't going to kill us." 

"Very nice, Dean," Cas murmured, but he was smiling, even if his eyes were still tightly shut. 

"Let's have sex in the shower." 

Cas opened his eyes. "You're insatiable." 

"And your point?" 

They did have sex in the shower. Afterwards, they packed and arranged for Cas' rental to be returned to the airport. They loaded their suitcases into the jeep and Dean began the two hour trip to San Jose Airport. An hour into the drive, Cas' hand that had been resting on his thigh began to move upwards. Dean glanced over, frowning. "What do you think you're doing?" 

Cas gave him an innocent look, but Dean wasn't fooled. He had to keep his eyes on the twisting road and he groaned when he felt the tug at his zipper. "Cas..." 

"Just drive, Dean." 

Dean tried to stay focused on the road, but with Cas' head in his lap...Cas' mouth on his dick...it was making it very hard...Dean smirked at his own pun. In the open jeep, they were in plain view if another vehicle came in the opposite direction. Dean spun the wheel and pulled off the paved road. The narrow lane was rutted and muddy. Dean winced as Cas' teeth bounced along his shaft. "Fuck!" 

Cas pulled his mouth off. "You could have warned me you were going off road. Don't blame me that you almost had your dick bitten off." 

"Thanks for the mental image, Babe." Dean shut off the ignition and grabbed the back of Cas' head. "Now, finish what you started." 

Dean's head lulled back on the seat and his hips rolled as he fucked Cas' mouth. God, it was so good. The blue sky above, the warm breeze and Cas' talented mouth...Dean was in heaven. When he came, Cas took his entire load. He sat up and before he could wipe his mouth, Dean pulled him in for a kiss. He wanted to taste himself in Cas' mouth. Dean reached out for Cas' fly, but Cas stopped his hand. "We're going to be late." 

"But..." Dean didn't like leaving Cas unsatisfied. 

"You can owe me one." Cas strapped on his seatbelt and Dean managed to turn the jeep on the narrow road. Once they were out on the main road again, Dean reached over and took Cas' hand. He brought it to his lips and kissed each knuckle. 

On the plane ride to Costa Rica, Dean was so wrapped up in fixing the thing with Cas that he hadn't thought about his fear of flying. Now, standing at the gate ready to board, Dean's fear got up close and personal with him. He hung back, putting off boarding until finally Cas had to push him along. "What is wrong with you?" 

People turned to stare. He saw recognition in one or two faces, but he didn't suppose his fan base got down to the tropics much. He leaned over and whispered, "I hate flying." 

Cas looked at him, still half dragging him up the flightway. "Dean, are you afraid of flying." 

"No, not afraid. Why would I be afraid?" Dean knew his eyes were telling Cas everything he wanted to know. 

"I'll be with you, Dean. I promise." The soft kiss made him feel better. The plane was small, just two seats on each side. Because Dean got his return flight booked after Cas did, their seats were apart. Dean started to panic. Cas pushed him down in his seat and looked around for a flight attendant. The perky blonde came right over to him and placed her hand on Cas' arm. "Can I help you?" 

Dean wanted to snarl. He knew Cas was hot looking, but he was Dean's, damn it. He shouldn't have worried. 

"My boyfriend and I need to go over our wedding plans, is there any way we can exchange seats with whomever is sitting here?" Dean lifted his brow at Cas' cover story. Wedding plans? 

The flight attendant looked disappointed, but she motioned for Cas to sit down next to Dean. "I'm sure it will be fine." She turned and moved out of the way for the other boarding passengers. An elderly woman made her way slowly down the aisle and stopped. She looked up at the seat number engraved under the cargo storage bins. "Ma'am, I'm in your seat, but wondered if you would mind changing. I was in 4A." 

"Oh...well...I really wanted to be closer to the restroom..." 

The flight attendant stepped forward. "They're getting married." 

The older woman looked down at them and smiled. "Oh, how wonderful. Of course, I can move." Dean watched her turn around and go back up the aisle. 

"You're Dean Winchester." A voice came from behind them and Dean turned. A brunette wearing a business suit was looking at him. 

"That's me." Dean gave his best charming 'meeting the fans' smile. 

"And you're getting married? To him?" Not good. He was so fucked. 

"Well..." Fuck, fuck, fuck, how was he going to get out of this? 

"I'm sorry..." Cas broke in, "...that was a cover story to allow us to sit together to discuss some business. It was a joke and in very poor taste." Dean looked at Cas and the man's face was the picture of innocence. 

"Oh..." The brunette shrugged and opened up a book. Dean turned back around and the engines started. 

Cas leaned over and whispered in his ear. "I'm sorry, Dean. I'll try to be more careful." 

The plane began to taxi down the runway and Dean's mind raced. They were getting ready to take off and what if they blew an engine? What if there was a bomb on board? What if the pilot had a freakin' heart attack? What if... 

Dean turned around in his seat. "Hey." The brunette looked up. "Cas lied to you to keep my private life private. He's my boyfriend...and I love him." He felt Cas' hand curl into his. The brunette smiled at him.   
"You're lucky, he's hot." 

Dean grinned. "Yeah, he is, isn't he." He turned around and relaxed. Cas had his hand and if the plane fell out of the sky...so be it.


	15. Stand By Your Man

In the following two weeks, Castiel adjusted to having Dean in his life. Once back in the States, Dean did go to Nashville for a few days. They stayed in touch by texting and talking on the phone several times a day. Dean found a recording studio in Atlanta and Benny set up things for him. When Dean got back to Atlanta, he moved in with Castiel. Neither man actually spoke of it, it just happened. Dean spent his days with his guitar, writing music and lyrics. Their evenings were very domestic. Castiel wondered if Dean would get bored with him. When he came home from work, Dean usually had dinner made. They would eat and sometimes watch movies or sometimes Castiel would sit at the dining room table working while Dean would go out to the balcony with his guitar and pick out chords.

Their sex life was like nothing Castiel had ever experienced. One thing Castiel knew for sure was that Dean wasn't bored in the bedroom. The quality and quantity made Castiel eager for bedtime. Over those two weeks, they'd christened every surface in the apartment, from the kitchen counter, to the stairs, to the guest room floor. Dean loved Castiel's kinky side and was willing to try anything once.

Monday of the third week, Castiel unlocked the apartment door and the cooking aromas he'd come to expect were not there. He called out. "Dean?"

There was no answer and Castiel knew he shouldn't panic...shouldn't jump to conclusions, but he couldn't help it. When they spoke that morning, Dean had sounded fine. He was getting ready to go to the studio to meet with some musicians. Perhaps he was still there. He called Dean's phone. It rang four times and then clicked over to voicemail. Castiel sat on the sofa, hands clasped between his knees, head down.

He jerked his head up when he heard the sound of a key in the lock. Dean walked in, he was wearing his cowboy hat, something he didn't do often because he didn't want to be recognized. He grinned at Castiel, but it turned to a frown when he saw Castiel's pale face. Castiel watched him toss the hat onto the dining room table.

"Hey, what's going on? You okay?" He came forward and sat next to Castiel. Castiel closed his eyes and inhaled the scent that was Dean...leather, coffee and the outdoors. "Cas?"

"I...I called you and you didn't answer."

Dean reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. "Fuck...battery must have died." He tossed the phone on the coffee table. "Sorry, Babe. But guess what? I have some great news."

Castiel tried to smile...tried to shake the feeling, but he still felt sick to his stomach. "News?"

Dean was looking at him with concern, but he answered Castiel's question. "Yeah, I found a house. It's in Sandy Springs. Six thousand square feet...I know I said a small house, but it's beautiful and the kitchen is fuckin' awesome... Cas, what the fuck is going on?"

Castiel looked out the large windows, he looked at his shoes...anywhere but at Dean. Dean was moving out. All he could manage to say was, "Sandy Springs is a nice area." It was a suburb of Atlanta, home to some of the wealthiest people in the area.

"So, why do I feel like I just kicked your puppy?" Dean asked, shifting so he was facing Castiel.

Castiel pasted on a smile. "I'm happy for you, Dean. I'd like to see it someday."

Dean looked even more confused now. Castiel stood up. "I think we have a frozen pizza in the freezer if you're hungry. I had a large lunch, so I'm not...I don't need anything." Castiel couldn't have eaten anything.

"Cas, of course you're going to see it. I...I wanted..." Understanding dawned on Dean's face. "We never talked about it, did we? I just assumed... Did you really think I was moving out? Without you?" Dean stood and paced the room, hands running through his hair, making it stand on end. "Son of a bitch!"

"I don't understand, Dean."

"Jesus, Cas...you thought I was moving out. I can't fuckin' believe you. You aren't going to let the past go, are you?" Dean's voice rose in anger.

"I'm trying..." Castiel started.

"I fuckin' love you, Cas. Do you know how many people I've said that to in my life? Three people, Cas. My mother, my brother and you...I've been out for the last three days trying to find the perfect house for us. I was going to surprise you...take you to dinner tonight...a real fuckin' date..."

Castiel didn't have a choice. He walked over to his briefcase and opened it. He pulled out the carefully folded drawings and spread them out on the table. Dean was staring at him, anger and betrayal seemed to radiate from him. "Please...come look."

Dean stomped over and stared down at the drawings Castiel had so painstakingly drawn. "I designed this...house...for us. I wasn't going to tell you about it yet...just in case..."

Castiel watched the expressions change on Dean's face. He watched him stare down at the drawings, moving the sheets around one by one. "You drew our house?" Dean's voice was filled with awe. Castiel felt humbled and he just nodded silently.

"Fuck. Now, you've gone and ruined everything." Dean's words should have sounded harsh, but Castiel heard the teasing and saw the smile.

"I'm...I...if you don't..." Castiel was nearly knocked down by Dean. He was encased in Dean's arms.

"You idiot. I was...it was part of the surprise..." Dean pulled back, staring at Castiel, grinning and shaking his head. "Don't you fucking move." Dean took off for the stairs, less than a minute later, he was back down. He held something in his fist. "Look, Cas, what we have...it's real... Damn it, I'm not good at this shit...I love you and you love me and well...I had this all planned out..." He looked at his watch. "We missed our reservations..." Dean was rambling and Castiel was trying hard to follow what he was saying.

"Dean, I'm sorry I spoiled your surprise about the house. I'm sure it's a nice house and..."

"That house is nothing compared to this." Dean's hands swept over the drawings on the table. "You drew this for us, Cas. That's pretty fuckin' amazing. I want you to marry me, Cas. I was going to do it right...with the romantic candlelight dinner, the violins, the whole nine yards..."

Castiel was stunned. In a million years, he could not have imagined Dean would want to marry him.

"...I know we haven't talked a lot about important stuff...obviously..." Dean rolled his eyes. "...you know, like houses and dogs and kids and..."

"I want to marry you, Dean." Castiel was surprised his voice was so steady.

***

Dean had never been so nervous in his life. He hadn't been this nervous when he took the stage at the Grand Ole Opry or when he won Entertainer of the Year. He was a basket case. He'd planned the evening down to the last detail...okay, so Charlie helped him, but seriously...the restaurant, the house...the ring. Fuck, the ring. He was still holding it clutched in his fist.

Cas wanted to marry him. He wanted to pump his fist and yell out a 'fuck yeah', but the romantic evening was already fucked up and he didn't want to make it worse. What would they tell their kids...and grandkids about this night. Yeah, kids, your father was so fuckin' romantic when he proposed...not. Kids...okay...cart before the horse. Did Cas even want kids?

He felt the warm metal in his palm. He could salvage this. He took Cas' hand and dropped to one knee. Cas was looking shell shocked. "Cas, will you marry me?" There, he'd gotten that part right.

"Yes."Okay, cool, now they could live happily ever after. Happily ever after in that cool fuckin' house that Cas designed. Dean loved the size of the master bedroom...and the music room...Cas gave him a music room. How cool was that?

Dean slipped the titanium ring on Cas' finger and then looked up at his future husband. "See, fairy tales can come true."

"Sap," Cas chuckled and pulled Dean to his feet. He leaned in and kissed Dean. A wet, sloppy kiss that left them both wanting more.

Some time later, Cas was naked and spread out on their bed. Dean's was in the middle of licking him from head to toe. Dean's tongue was circling Cas' nipple slowly and Cas wasn't happy about it. "Harder, Dean...please...use your teeth."

Dean's only response was a soft hum. Dean's cock was hard and he was rutting against Cas' thigh like a dog. Cas was straining against the two silk ties Dean had swiped from Cas' closet. This was a first for them. Dean was usually the one restrained. Now, he understood why it turned Cas on so much. When he started licking and sucking on Cas' cock, the man started making porn quality sounds and Dean loved it. Knowing he was the one who wrenched those sounds out of Cas made him feel like a fuckin' superhero.

The teasing and slow torture lasted so long that Cas was almost crying in frustration. "I love seeing you like this, Babe. So ready for me to take you."

"Please." Cas' voice was merely a whisper, his voice hoarse from crying out from being worked over by Dean's talented hands and mouth.

"God, Baby, you have no idea how fuckin' sexy you look right now." Dean reached down between Cas' legs and twisted the vibrator he'd inserted in Cas' hole earlier. Cas moaned and thrashed on the bed. "What is it, Cas? Does it feel good pushing against that sweet spot?"

"Dean...stop...teasing. Fuck me already."

Cas' thighs were trembling and Dean knew he was close to his breaking point. He brushed the damp hair away from Cas' face and kissed him lightly. "Sure, Baby."

Just to show Cas he was still the one in charge, Dean nipped at one of Cas' nipples. The man arched his back and made a high keening sound.

Dean took his time putting on the condom, taking care to let Cas see how he was stroking himself. Dean pushed Cas' thighs open wider and pulled the vibrator out easily. Cas' hole was red, wet and open. Dean took Cas' ankles and brought them over his shoulders before lining his cock up. He pushed in, causing Cas to gasp, his arms pulling on the restraints.

He started out with an easy rhythm. Just in and out, his eyes watching Cas. "You are beautiful, Babe. So fuckin' beautiful and all mine."

"Yours..." Cas panted. His eyes were glazed and his breath kept catching. It was time to drive Cas over the edge. Dean's next thrust was hard and fast, taking Cas by surprise. He grunted and rolled his hips, trying to draw Dean in deeper.

Dean held onto Cas' ankles and pounded into him relentlessly. The room smelled of sex and the slap of skin against damp skin drove Dean on. He wanted Cas to come for him...come around him. Cas was making filthy noises now, a mixture of small grunts and soft moans. His cock was slapping against his stomach with every thrust. Cas' belly was slick with his own juices and it made the sound obscene. Dean noticed how tight Cas' balls were...he was so close.

"Cas...look at me." Dean's voice was commanding and he watched Cas try to focus. When his baby blues finally found Dean's face, Dean gave him a feral smile. "Come for me, Cas. Come for me."

Cas' mouth opened in a silent scream and hot, white spurts of cum landed on his chest and stomach. Cas' body tightened around Dean and he felt the squeeze and then he was flying. His cries filled the night. "God...fuck...CasCasCasCas." His muscles seemed to freeze as he pumped his load into Cas.

He collapsed, his breathing labored, pulse racing. Dean lost track of time...was it a minute? Or thirty? He felt Cas' thigh rubbing softly against his. "Love you." Cas' voice came out of the silence.

"I may have damaged something," Dean murmured, his hand reaching for Cas. He heard Cas' soft huff of laughter. Dean managed to roll over on his stomach and saw Cas still trussed up. "Hmmm, maybe I should leave you tied up...my own private sex slave."

Cas just lifted an eyebrow. Dean twisted his lips into a wry smile. "Probably not my best idea." He untied Cas and massaged his wrists, kissing the reddened skin gently.

The last thing Dean remembered was holding Cas' hand and running his finger over the metal band that marked Cas as his. His dreams were of blue eyes and a beautiful smile.

***

Castiel was tying his tie when Dean's phone rang. Dean grumbled from under his pillow. Castiel watched in amusement as Dean's hand fumbled around the nightstand tossing a tube of lubricant, a paperback book and a set of headphones onto the floor as he searched for his phone. Castiel took pity on him by grabbing his wrist and placing his phone in his hand.

"What?" Dean snarled into the phone.

"What the fuck are you talking about, Benny?" Dean sat up, tossing his pillow to the side. "No, doesn't ring a bell. When?" Castiel watched the color drain from Dean's face. "Okay. I'll...I'm...on my way."

Dean sat the phone down on the bed and looked up at Castiel. "I've got to go to Nashville."

"Dean, what's wrong?" Castiel was scared. "Did something happen to Sam...or Charlie?"

"No."

"Dean...talk to me. You're scaring me." Dean held up his hand and Castiel took it and allowed himself to be pulled down. Dean wasn't looking at him, his eyes were focused on Castiel's ring.

"Remember when we first...at the aquarium? I spent the night in the guest room...remember?"

Castiel nodded and then he realized Dean couldn't see him nod because he wasn't looking at him. "Yes." Castiel's heart was beating hard and fast now. A part of him wanted to tell Dean to shut up, that nothing mattered but their love for each other, that he didn't want to hear anymore.

"I wasn't thinking clearly when I left that morning and I don't remember much about that night, but I must have went to a bar or something. I...I woke up...with..." Castiel pulled his hand away.

"I don't want to hear this, Dean." He tried to stand, but Dean pulled at him.

"No, Cas...please don't leave me. Please...God...I fucked up..." Dean was begging now, holding onto Castiel with both hands.

"Apparently, her name was...is...Lisa Braeden. I don't even remember fucking her, Cas. When I woke up...she was just there. I couldn't even stand to look at her. I was still wearing my jeans and I thought...I just hoped I hadn't..."

Castiel was biting his lip to stop it from trembling. The logical part of him was telling him that Dean had every right to fuck anyone he wanted then...they weren't together. But his heart was being ripped to shreds and he wanted to lash out...to tell Dean to pack his shit and get out and never come back.

"She found Benny and is claiming that...that she's pregnant with..."

The high pitched keening sound was coming from him and he couldn't stop it. Dean was still clutching his shirt with both hands. Dean's face was wet with tears. "Cas...I don't know what to do...you can't leave me...you...you said...you said you'd marry me."

Dean's voice was racked with soft sobs. Dean's cell phone rang again. They both stared at it like it was a pit viper ready to strike. Castiel was the one who picked it up. "It's Sam."

Dean let go of Cas with one hand, the other stayed fisted around Cas' sleeve. "Sam."

Castiel could hear Sam's voice and he shamelessly listened. "Dean, I've talked to Benny and he's filled me in on everything. You cannot have any contact with this woman. Do you hear me?"

"Sam..."

"Just shut up and listen to me. I'm taking the first flight out. We can order an in vitro paternity test and slap a gag order on her until the results come back. You stay where you are until I meet with her. Have you told Cas?"

"He's right here."

"Dean, hold on. We'll figure this out. I'll call you as soon as I know something."

Castiel watched Dean's hand put the phone back on the nightstand. Dean's other hand had a death grip on his sleeve. "I have to go." Castiel barely recognized his own voice. It was devoid of emotion.

"Nonono...don't leave me, Cas."

Castiel stood up, yanking his arm and Dean's hand dropped to the mattress. He left the bedroom and slowly walked down the stairs. He was to the door when he heard the wails. Castiel sank to his knees by the door. He took a deep breath and sent a text to his office and then he leaned against the cool metal door and listened as the wails gave way to broken sobs. Castiel didn't know how long he sat there staring down at the ring on his left hand. He did a lot of thinking...a lot of soul searching. By the way the sun shone into the windows, Castiel guessed it was close to eleven. He pulled himself up to his feet and made his way to Dean.

Dean must have passed out. He was laying half on, half off the bed, his face blotched and puffy. As Castiel got closer he saw something in Dean's hand. Carefully, he reached out. "Oh, Dean..." His whisper was faint but Dean stirred and opened his eyes. They stared at each other for a very long time. Castiel took a deep breath and reached for his wallet. He opened it and carefully took out the picture taken over twenty-two years ago. He held it up and Dean looked at his hand. "You kept it."

It was just a nod, like Dean didn't trust his voice. Castiel sat down on the bed and touched Dean's wet cheek. "Whatever happens...I'll...I'll be here."

They were still holding each other when the phone rang late that afternoon. "Sammy?"

"I've talked to her and she's agreed to the test, Dean. She's not going to fight us on this. She also signed an order to keep her mouth shut until the test comes back and we have a chance to meet with her and her attorney."

"What now?"

"We arranged for the test to be done tomorrow. The results should be back within ten days."

"Ten days?" Dean echoed.

***

Dean and Cas waited patiently for the results. Each day, it got harder to deal with it. They went for hours without talking or they fought. Cas spent more and more time at the office. Dean wrote songs, it was how he escaped. He spent the days and nights putting the lyrics to music, tweaking until it was perfect.

On June 17th, Dean got the call. "Dean, the baby is yours." Dean thanked God that Cas was at work. Why was this happening to him? Why wasn't he allowed to be happy? "Dean, she wants to see you...and Cas."

"What? Why? How does she..."

"I told her you were in a committed relationship." Sam's voice was oddly comforting over the phone.

"When?"

"Can you both be up here on Friday?"

"I'm not sure about...Cas...I need to..." Dean was in shock. He dropped the phone to the floor and walked out onto the balcony. Atlanta looked the same from up here. All those people...living their lives. Not knowing or caring about Dean's life unraveling in front of him.

Dean packed his bag. It was only Wednesday, but he needed to see Sam and Charlie. He put the demo CD on the dining room table with a note. Ten minutes later his was on his way to Nashville.

The house was silent and smelled of pine scented cleaner. He took his bag into the bedroom. He needed to take a piss, but when he entered the bathroom, he froze. Apparently, the housekeeper thought the name and number were important enough to leave on the mirror. Dean grabbed the brass candlestick by the sunken tub and hurled it at the mirror. Shards of glasses flew in all directions.

He called Charlie and Sam. Charlie brought takeout food and the three of them sat and talked until the wee hours of the morning. He hadn't heard a word from Cas.

Thursday morning, he woke with a sense of dread. He didn't want to look at his phone. He didn't want to know that Cas didn't contact him. The small LED light blinked on and off telling him he had a text message.

Charlie knocked on his door. It was partially open and he motioned her to come in. He was leaning against the headboard. "You hear from Cas?"

Dean's eyes cut to his phone and he shrugged.

"Oh, Dean." She picked up the phone and he looked away. "You want me to check it for you?"

He just nodded. He watched her face for signs of pity. He couldn't blame Cas. The man hadn't signed up for this shit. When the media found out, his name would be dragged through the mud and Cas would be stuck in the middle. It was best if he broke it off now.

"I will be up there Thursday afternoon. I love you more than yesterday but not as much as tomorrow." Charlie read with a big grin on her face. "Ahhhh, damn, he's a romantic."

Dean just about snatched the phone out of her hands to read the text. He read it again, his first smile in days creasing his face. He grabbed Charlie and swung her around in a circle.

***

Castiel came home to an empty house. It was late and already dark outside. He still loved Dean with everything he had, but the stress was driving them apart and a part of him was relieved that Dean wasn't there. He saw the note and the plastic CD case.

**Cas,**

**I've never loved anyone like I love you. I think I've always loved you and probably always will, but I can't expect you to share this nightmare with me. This is your out. The baby is mine. I'm so sorry.**

**I’m going to Nashville to meet with her and her attorneys on Friday and we are going to figure out what's next. I'm sure she wants money and I'll give her what she wants. The publicity will be pretty bad and I don't want to cause you any problems.**

**I wanted to give you something to remember me by, so I wrote you a song. It's your song.**

**Love,**

**Dean**

Castiel read the note again. He was angry that Dean didn't have faith in him. But then again, the last few days, Castiel hadn't shown Dean he'd had faith. He turned the CD over in his hands. Printed with a black Sharpie were the words, Castiel's Song. He walked to his stereo.

The simple guitar chords filled the room. Dean's voice sang out, soft and full of emotion.

_**You fill up my senses** _

_**Like a night in a forest** _

_**Like the mountains in springtime** _

_**Like a walk in the rain** _

_**Like a storm in the desert** _

_**Like a sleepy blue ocean** _

_**You fill up my senses** _

_**Come fill me again** _

_**Come let me love you** _

_**Let me give my life to you** _

_**Let me drown in your laughter** _

_**Let me die in your arms** _

_**Let me lay down beside you** _

_**Let me always be with you** _

_**Come let me love you** _

_**Come love me again** _

_**Come let me love you** _

_**Let me give my life to you** _

_**Come let me love you** _

_**Come love me again** _

_**You fill up my senses** _

_**Like a night in a forest** _

_**Like the mountains in springtime** _

_**Like a walk in the rain** _

_**Like a storm in the desert** _

_**Like a sleepy blue ocean** _

_**You fill up my senses** _

_**Come fill me again** _

Castiel sat on the sofa and listened to the song...his song...over and over. Then he ran upstairs and packed. He grabbed a few hours of sleep because the next few days were going to be long and stressful. Before he closed his eyes, he sent Dean a text.

He stopped to gas up right outside of Nashville and placed the call to Dean's phone.

"Cas."

"Hello, Dean."

"Are we okay?" Castiel heard the longing in Dean's voice.

"We will be after we get through this...together." Castiel meant it. Whatever happened, he would be there for Dean.

Dean gave him the address to his home and Castiel entered it into his GPS. Castiel started the ignition and pulled out onto the interstate. He looked down at the ring on his finger. He wasn't going to let Dean get away again.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song Dean 'wrote' for Cas was a song written and sung by John Denver, a very talented man who died before his time. I took artistic liberties with it because...well, because I could.


	16. Unanswered Prayers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just tons of fluff...sickening sweet fluff. I apologize in advance for all the fluff...did I mention fluff?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For Will - he'll know why.

Dean gripped Castiel's hand tightly. They were standing in the offices of Hattemer, Holmes & Bentley. Sam, dressed in his lawyer clothes as Dean referred to them, was standing beside them. 

"How much does the bitch want, Sam?" 

"Dean, I think you'll be surprised..." 

"And you just make sure she isn't some drugged out whore. I'm not paying her a fuckton of money and have her..." 

"Dean, shut up." Sam rounded on him. "Just let me do the talking and for God's sake, don't say a fucking word unless I tell you too." Sam turned to Cas, "Try to keep him quiet." 

"I'll do my best." Cas said stoically. 

When they were ushered into a large conference room, Dean saw the woman and vaguely remembered her. She was wearing a navy blue dress and her long, dark hair was brushed back into a ponytail. She didn't have on much makeup and Dean had the fleeting thought that she didn't look like a golddigging bitch. 

The man sitting beside her stood up and shook Sam's hand before turning to Dean and Cas. "Mr. Winchester, Mr. Novak, I'm glad you could make it." 

"Like we had a choice." Cas squeezed his hand so hard, Dean winced and turned to glare at him. 

"I apologize for my brother, I haven't filled him in, as per Miss Braedon's request." 

Dean's eyes narrowed. Sam knew what the bitch wanted but didn't tell him. That pissed him off. Only Cas' thumb rubbing over his knuckles kept him from saying something to Sam about loyalty. 

"My client would like a moment alone with Mr. Winchester." 

"No," Dean shook his head adamantly. "Sam needs to hear everything she has to say." Dean risked a glance at the woman and she was looking down at her clasped hands. 

"Dean, as your attorney, I'm advising you to listen to what Miss Braedon has to say," Sam said quietly. 

Dean gave him a curt nod. "Fine." 

Both attorneys stood and when Cas began to stand as well, the woman spoke for the first time. "Mr. Novak, please stay." 

Cas sank back down in his chair, a puzzled look on his face. The door shut behind Sam and the other attorney. Dean put on his best 'I don't give a shit' face and crossed his arms belligerently. 

She took a deep breath and finally met his eyes. "I know you think I'm a bitch and that I am trying to trap you into something, but I'm really a good person. That...that night we..." She looked down at her hands again. "...I just found out my student loan didn't go through and so I set out to...have a few drinks. It was stupid. I'm not that kind of person. I have a son, Mr. Winchester. A son I love with all my heart. His father hasn't been in the picture since he was born. Ben is my world and I work hard to make sure he is growing up right." 

She looked back up and Dean met her eyes. For the first time since walking into the room, Dean relaxed a little. 

"When I...woke up with you...God, I was shocked and embarrassed. But, a part of me was kind of thrilled...you know...I was in bed with Dean Winchester. What woman wouldn't be excited about that?" She smiled sadly. "It was pretty obvious that you must have been just as drunk as I was and that you didn't remember the night either." She looked at Cas. "He couldn't wait to get me out of his house. I hope you've forgiven him for this..." 

Cas gave her a nod, "I have." 

"I'm glad, because this will be a lot easier." She turned back to Dean. "I can't afford another child." She held up her hand when Dean opened his mouth to speak. "It's not the money, Mr. Winchester. I am working and trying to go to school, all that while raising Ben...raising my son. I'm not ready to be a mom again. I just want some help with my medical bills and then I plan on putting the baby up for adoption. I will sign whatever you want to make sure this doesn't become public. I'll even leave the father's name blank on the birth certificate." She stopped talking and Dean noticed her chin trembling. Damn it...damn it...damn it. 

"Look, Lisa...can I call you Lisa?" She nodded. 

"Here's the deal. I'll pay your medical bills...that's a given. And you said your student loan was denied?" She nodded. "Get my brother...my attorney...an amount you need to finish school. I'll take care of that too." 

The tears started to fall then and Dean groaned. "Don't do that...damn..." 

Cas pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket and handed it to Lisa. Dean gave him a comical look. Who carried those things? Obviously, his fiance' did. 

"I don't know what to say," Lisa sniffled into Cas' handkerchief. 

Dean stood up and opened the door. He motioned for Sam and Lisa's attorney to come back in. "Sammy, make sure her medical bills are paid and once she gets you the cost for school, get her that too." 

"Dean?" Dean turned to Cas. 

"What, Babe?" 

"What about the baby?" Cas was doing the whole head tilt thing. Fuck, he couldn't think straight when he did that. 

"What about the baby?" Dean repeated stupidly. "He...or she will be adopted and raised in a good home...right?" Dean turned to look at Lisa, who just nodded. 

When they got back to the house, Dean grabbed a beer out of the refrigerator and handed Cas one. He led the way into the living room and flopped down on the couch. Cas sat his untouched beer on the coffee table. Dean sighed. "Okay, out with it." 

"It isn't any of my business." 

Crap. "This is just like having a girlfriend. When you ask a woman what's wrong and she says 'fine', you know damn well things ain't fine." 

"I didn't say the word 'fine' at all." Cas said deadpan. 

Dean snorted in disgust. "Cas, please tell me what's wrong with you. I said the word please because I want it to mean something." 

Cas sat on the couch next to him. "I am just concerned for the baby." 

"Seriously? Look, her attorney will probably help her handle the adoption. They aren't going to let just any crazy person have a baby, Cas." 

That seemed to satisfy Cas because he let the matter drop. 

Later that night, after a steak dinner cooked on the grill, they lay in Dean's bed. The bedside lamp was on and Dean stared at the ceiling fan turning slowly. Cas was already asleep next to him, his arm across Dean's stomach, one of his legs tangled up with Dean's. He thought of Lisa and how different she was than the person he imagined her to be. She was a good person. She had his child growing inside of her. His child. 

*** 

"Good morning, Gorgeous." Dean murmured into his ear. Castiel opened his eyes and took a few seconds to get his brain firing on all cylinders. Dean chest was against his back and he was leaving small kisses along Castiel's neck and shoulder. 

"Good morning, Dean." He felt Dean's erection resting between the cheeks of his ass. He rolled his hips slowly, letting Dean know he wanted him. He left his thoughts of the unborn child behind him last night. It was Dean's decision to make. Bringing a child into their still new relationship had been a stupid idea anyway. 

Dean leaned over him and opened the drawer to the nightstand. He fumbled around until he found what he was looking for. He pushed thebottle of lube into Castiel's hand. "I want to get yourself ready, Babe." 

Dean wrapped his hand around Castiel's thigh and lift it up, holding it steady. Castiel used the cool gel to slicken his hole. He pushed a finger in while Dean sucked a mark on the side of his neck. He could feel the wetness from Dean's cock on his lower back. Castiel's own dick was growing heavy and Dean ran his fingers up and down it's length. "Love your cock, Cas." 

Castiel just moaned in response, a second, then a third finger...stretching... Dean stopped touching him long enough to roll on the condom, but then his hand was back, stroking him. 

The lovemaking was slow and lazy, small rolls of their hips...side by side. No words were spoken, just kisses and sighs. When Dean came, it was with a slight jerk of his hips and a whispered, "Love you." 

When he brought Castiel over the edge a moment later, Castiel gave a soft gasp and Dean's name fell from his lips like a prayer. Castiel could have laid there forever, skin to skin with the man he loved. They both had flaws, they both carried some baggage and they both needed to work on their communication skills, but there was no one that Castiel would rather spend eternity with than Dean Winchester. 

"Cas?" 

Castiel had almost dozed back off, but he roused himself enough to mumble, "hmmm?" Dean's fingertips were trailing over his belly and it was so relaxing that he began to drift off again. 

"We haven't talked about kids...since we're getting married, don't you think we should?" Castiel's eyes flew open. He turned his head so he could see Dean. The man in question had his eyes closed, but his fingers were still moving over Castiel's skin. 

"Do you want children, Dean?" Castiel held his breath. After yesterday, he wasn't sure if Dean wanted to have a family. 

"Do you?" Cool air hit Castiel's back when Dean rolled over. Castiel rolled to his back as well. Dean was staring at the ceiling fan while Castiel was staring at Dean. 

"I believe I asked you first," Castiel said softly. 

"I thought that one day we'd adopt or get a surrogate...but..." Dean sat up and ran his hands over his face. 

"But?" 

"I'm going to have a kid out there. Learning to walk and walk...ride a bike..." 

"Dean, I would love to raise your child." 

Dean's eyes flew to Castiel's. "How did you know what..." 

"Because the man I fell in love with would want to do the right thing. That baby is yours, Dean." 

*** 

Later that day, Dean called Sam and asked for another meeting with Lisa Braedon. He told Sam to explain that they needed to see her before Cas had to go back to Atlanta on Sunday afternoon. An hour later, Sam called them back. She was willing to meet them at a small coffee shop near the riverfront at four that afternoon. 

Dean wondered how Cas could be so cool. He'd already bitten two of his fingernails down to the quick. He pulled the Impala into a parking place and shut off the ignition. When he took his hands off the steering wheel, they shook, so he put them back on. "What if..." 

"Dean, we've already talked about all the what if's and all the worst case scenarios. We have prepared for the worst and are hoping for the best." 

Out on the patio, Lisa was sitting under a dark green umbrella, sipping on a cup of tea. She gave them a wary smile. Cas smiled and asked her how she was feeling. She told him the morning sickness was still pretty bad, but she was dealing with it. Dean stood there awkwardly, shifting from one foot to the other. 

"Please sit, you're making me nervous," she said, nodding to the empty chairs across from her. 

They sat and a server came over. Dean ordered a coffee and Cas ordered green tea. Dean made a face and Lisa giggled. 

"How old is Ben?" Cas asked. Dean had to think hard to remember who Ben was. Her son...he thanked God for Cas. Dean felt like his brain was fried. 

"He's eight." 

"That's a good age. Does he like school?" 

"Not really. He complains a lot, but he makes good grades." 

"What are you studying?" 

Dean felt like he was at a tennis match. His future husband and the mother of his child were having a conversation and he was sitting there like a knot on a log. 

"Physical therapy. I'm a yoga instructor now." 

"Yoga, really? I used to practice, but slacked off a few years ago. I should start again." 

"You should." 

"Yoga? Cas, yoga? Really?" Dean blurted out and then his face reddened when they both looked at him with matching bitchfaces. "Sorry," he mumbled. 

"Why did you want to meet with me?" Lisa asked pointedly. 

Okay, so much for small talk. Dean cleared his throat. Cas took his hand. "Cas and I are going to get married." 

"That's nice." She looked from Dean to Cas and back to Dean again. 

"I thought about it and...and we...talked about it...and..." The words froze in his throat. In the span of twenty-four hours, he'd gone from not thinking about the child to needing his child. He needed this baby. He pictured their family...the three of them. 

"Dean and I love each other very much. We were high school sweethearts and we lost touch until recently. We would be honored if you would consider letting us have your child." Dean swallowed and stared at Cas. If he hadn't already been in love with the man, that would have done it, right there. 

"This baby is half Dean's already. If you're sure..." 

"We're sure." Dean said confidently. 

Funny how life happens, Dean thought two hours later. The three of them talked and they found themselves telling Lisa about being ripped apart as teenagers. Both men pulled out the pictures from their wallets to show her and finally, when she stood up to leave, she hugged both of them. "I've made my decision." 

Cas wrapped his arm around Dean's waist and they looked at her expectantly. 

"I think you would make great parents." After exchanging email addresses and promises to get all the legal stuff taken care of, Lisa walked away. Dean's legs were kind of wobbly and he sat back down. 

"We're going to have a baby," he whispered more to himself than Cas. 

"We are." 

When they walked out, a flash bulb went off. Dean looked at the man, obviously a reporter. He noticed how Cas backed away from him. No. He was marrying this man and they were going to be fathers in another seven months. Instead of turning away from the guy, Dean walked towards him, dragging Cas by his hand behind him. 

"Hey. What paper are you with?" 

The man's posture became defensive as were his words. "I'm with Music News." 

Dean was relieved it wasn't a tabloid. "Look, I haven't cleared this with my agent yet, but I want to give you an exclusive." 

"Dean..." Cas warned. 

"No, Cas. I'm okay with this." Dean turned back to the reporter. "This is my fiance, Cas. If you want an exclusive interview, call my agent, Benny Lafitte. You leak what you've seen before you do the interview, I'll give the exclusive to People Magazine. Deal?" 

"Deal." 

Dean pulled one of Benny's cards out of his wallet. "Wait until Monday to call, so I have a chance to talk to him first." 

"You got it." The reporter put the card in his pocket. Dean and Cas turned to go but the reporter called out. "Hey, Winchester, thanks." 

Dean nodded. Once in the car, Cas rounded on him. "It's one thing to be open and honest with people about us, Dean, but to yell it from the rooftops is a whole other ballgame." 

"You ashamed of your name being linked with mine, Cas?" Dean rested his arm on the wheel, facing Cas. 

"Don't be an idiot. Of course not." 

"Good. Don't you think the real story with our input into it would be better than speculation and sleazy tabloid stories?" 

"Yes, but..." 

"No buts. I love you and we're having a baby. I don't care who the fuck knows about it." 

*** 

After giving it some thought, Castiel was fine with the interview. Dean warned Benny about what was coming and surprisingly, Benny was on board, as long as he got final review rights before the story was released. 

Dean decided to stay in Nashville a few more days, but Castiel needed to be in the office on Monday, so he left Sunday afternoon. They'd spent the morning and most of the afternoon in bed. 

The thought of becoming a father didn't hit him until he was halfway back to Atlanta. He had to pull over and regulate his breathing before he hyperventilated. Parked on the side of Interstate 75, he called Dean. 

"Hey, Babe." 

"Dean...we're going to be fathers." 

Dean's laughter filled his ear and he grinned. "Yeah, Babe. We are." 

Monday morning, Castiel pulled up the house design and adjusted a few walls and doors. Instead of a second guest room, they now had a nursery. He roughly sketched two rooms with colored pencils, one in pinks and one in blues. Those he tucked in the top drawer of his desk. 

He made a lunch date with his partners and over baked chicken and rice pilaf, Castiel filled them in on everything. 

"So, you're going to be the next Mrs. Winchester?" Crowley said with a grin. 

"Fuck you," Castiel said without any heat. 

"Seriously, are you going to take his name?" Balthazar asked. 

"We haven't talked about it," Castiel said honestly. There were so many things they hadn't talked about. God, he was getting married and he didn't even know Dean's favorite color. 

That night, he sat down at his dining room table with a yellow legal pad and wrote down as many questions as he could think of, including 'do you want me to take your name'. 

The first text was an easy question. "Blue, like your eyes. What's yours?" 

By the end of the evening, he knew a lot more about Dean Winchester and Winchester-Novak had a classy ring to it.


	17. It's Your Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fluff and angst and fluff again...hold onto your panties.

When Dean left Nashville, the legal and financial  paperwork concerning Lisa and his unborn child was done .  He'd also put the house in Austin up for sale.  Benny had discussed the rules of engagement with Music News and the date for the interview had been set.  Now, all he wanted was to be with Cas.  H e sped down I-75, the  windows down, the stereo blasting out Metallica.

The next few weeks were going to be busy ones.  They'd spent a lot of time on the phone.  With the baby due in late December, they would need to find a lot to build the house Cas' designed.   Seven months wasn't a long time.  

While he was in Nashville, he'd had a  talk with Charlie.  He needed her and her living in Nashville while he lived in Atlanta wasn't going to work out.  He talked to Cas about it and wasn't really surprised when Cas offered up his apartment.  Of course, Dean nixed the idea that she move into the guest room until the new house was built.  Dean liked banging Cas whenever and wherever he wanted and a roommate, no matter how wonderful of a friend she was, would disrupt his sex life.  Not happening.  So,  C as arranged for her to move into one of Crowley's rental properties temporarily.  

Before she moved to Atlanta, he'd asked her to fly to Austin and arrange for a moving company to pack up all the stuff in that house before it was sold.  For the first time since he was sixteen, Dean wanted to settle in one place.  He used to love touring  and playing to packed houses, but his decision to only do ten tours a year was a good one.  He would have a baby to consider soon .  Cas worked hard and Dean couldn't expect him to take care of their child all by himself while Dean was on the road.  

A nanny was something they'd have to consider though .  He made a mental note to discuss it with Cas.  Later, after they had sex...at least twice.  It had been seven days since he'd seen Cas...the Facetime thing didn't count, even if they did watch each other jerk off.  That had been fuckin' hot.  Cas had fucked himself with a vibrator...and Dean needed to keep his mind on driving the car.  He was coming into Atlanta traffic and these people were crazy drivers.   He needed to push mental pictures of naked Cas out of his mind.

He drove straight to Cas' office.  Cas thought he was coming home tomorrow, but he'd finished early and wanted to surprise him.  Once he parked, he entered the building.  The receptionist smiled.  "Good afternoon, Mr. Winchester.  Let me call Mr. Novak and tell him you're here."

"No,  Mindy , I plan on surprising him."

"Okay.  Oh, congratulations on your engagement.  Everyone here is so happy for you and Mr. Novak."

"Thanks,  Mindy ."  Dean stepped away from her, but instead of going to the elevators, he went to the small breakroom off the main lobby.  He pulled out his phone.

Text  from you /3:56 - I want you.  I want to touch you, taste you.  I want to strip you naked and suck that beautiful cock of yours.

***

Castiel was in the conference room with a divorce lawyer and his fourth wife, a twenty something model with very large silicone breasts .  He wanted to build his newest spouse a beautiful home and he hired Castiel to design it.  Castiel had a headache.  The young woman couldn't seem to make up her mind about the size of her closet and the lawyer kept waffling on whether he wanted a wine cellar or a billiards room.  When his  phone chirped, he was going to ignore it because he was with a client, but he saw Dean's number on the screen.

"I must apologize.  I have to take this.  You both talk about the type of kitchen you want and I'll be right back."

In the hallway, he opened the text.  He groaned.  Sexting wasn't something neither man got into.  Apparently, the week apart was driving Dean crazy.  Not that Castiel was unaffected.  He jerked off every night since he got back from Nashville, and even once in the bathroom in his office. He couldn't wait until tomorrow.

T ext from you /4:01 - I want you too.  I want to tie you to our bed and fuck you hard and fast.

Text from Dean/4:02 - Why don't you take your cock out of those tight jeans I know you're wearing and touch yourself?

Text from you/4:04 - Because I've got the world's worst clients in the conference room.

Text from Dean/4:05 - Too bad.  When you're done, go to your office and take a picture of your hard dick for me.

Text from you/4:06 - Give me ten minutes.

Castiel returned to the conference room.  He'd  do as Dean asked and then he'd call him and they's have a bit of phone sex.  Excited and ready to get this meeting over with, Castiel made up an excuse to cut the meeting short .  He sent the happy couple home with copies of the drawings and told them to make notes  on them and drop them off in the next couple of days.

He hurried to his office.   It had been close to fifteen minutes, but Dean would understand. The outer office door was ajar and Hannah wasn't at her desk.  Her computer was off and he thought that strange.  She hadn't mentioned needing to leave early.  He poked his head in David's office.  It was dark.  He frowned.  It wasn’t like them to leave early without discussing it with him.

He opened his office door and couldn't  see anything.  Someone had pulled the drapes and his office lights weren't on.  What the hell was going on around here?  His hand reached for the light switch.

When light flooded the room, he couldn't believe his eyes.  Dean was naked and laying across his desk, legs spread in invitation.  "Took you long enough."  

"What are..."  Fuck, who cared what he was doing here a day early?  Castiel hurried across the room.  His hand reached for his tie, but Dean's words stopped him .

"Keep your clothes on.  Just take out your cock and fuck me."  Castiel quirked up an eyebrow.  

"You want me to use you like a whore," Castiel asked, lowering his voice.  His hand trailed down Dean's bare thigh.

"Yes."

The corner of Castiel's mouth lifted in a feral smile.  He saw the condom and the lube on his desk.  He was never going to be able to look at his desk again without picturing Dean's body laid out on it like a buffet.

Castiel moved between Dean's  thighs and his already  cock throbbed inside his tight jeans .  Dean had  prepped himself.  His hole was open and wet.  "Eager, weren't you?"

"Had to do something to kill time while I waited.  The meter's running, Honey and I charge by the hour."

"Is it now?"  Castiel wrapped his fingers around the base of Dean's cock and gave it a squeeze.  When he brought his mouth down on it, Dean moaned and arched up, pushing his cock down Castiel's throat.  Castiel took it all, relaxing so he wouldn't gag. The wet sounds of his sucking filled the office along with Dean's soft moans.  Dean was openly watching him, the lids of his eyes heavy, pupils large enough to almost block out all the green.

He greedily lapped up the salty fluid that was all Dean.  Castiel let his tongue play over the velvety skin, savoring Dean's taste.  With one final swipe of his tongue over Dean's slit, he rose up.  He'd seen Dean naked and wanting many times, but each time seemed like a new experience.  

Castiel unzipped his jeans , the rasp of the zipper loud in the quiet office.  He  shoved them and his boxers down to mid-thigh.   Ripping the condom packet open with his teeth, he rolled it one quickly.   He took his thick cock into his hand and nudged the head against Dean's willing body.  Castiel had to close his eyes, fighting the sensation of the hot wetness around him, otherwise he would have come at that very second.  "Fuck, Dean."

"That's the idea, Big Boy," Dean voice was low, sultry...full of heat.  "Come on, fuck me.  Get your money's worth.

Castiel gripped the back of Dean's thighs, holding them up, giving Castiel a good view of his cock disappearing into Dean's tight ass.  Castiel began to move, slowly at first until Dean began to push back with sharp thrusts of his hips.  "You want it harder?" 

"God, yes," Dean growled.  Castiel snapped his hips, driving his cock deep and he knew he hit the right spot because Dean gasped and he bared his neck, letting his head roll back.  Castiel pounded into Dean, hard...fast...relentless.  He felt his body tightening.  

"Dean, I'm close..."  

Dean reached for his cock, his eyes were shut, mouth panting...Castiel thought he was the most beautiful man he'd ever seen.  Castiel's hips jerked and he changed the angle.  He was pounding right into Dean's prostate.  Dean's body seemed to seize and a guttural sound escaped from his mouth.  Cum splashed in white streams onto Dean's belly and chest.   Castiel's cock was being milked by Dean's body.  He fucked Dean through his orgasm, loving the soft grunts and the small tremors.  

"Fuck...fuck..."  Castiel's own release hit hard.  His vision went black for an instant.  An electrical current started at this toes, curled around his belly...his heart was pounding so hard...Dean was hot and tight around him.  He let Dean's thighs drop and he leaned forward, palms flat on the desk to hold himself upright.

Castiel looked down into Dean's eyes.  "God, I love you."

Dean  rose up and wrapped his  fist around Castiel's tie , pulling him down for a searing kiss.  He'd missed him so much.  Castiel savored the kiss, drawing it out until he had to come up for air.  He could feel Dean's heart beating against his chest.  "Love you...missed you," Dean whispered before he nuzzled at Castiel's neck.

"Let's go home," Castiel said, leaning back and gently easing out of Dean.  He tossed the condom into his trashcan and pulled up his pants.  His office smelled like sex and he wondered how long the scent would linger.

***

Saturday after breakfast, Cas pulled up land for sale around the metro Atlanta area on his computer .  With a list in hand, they spent the afternoon driving around.  They found a two acre lot near one of the city's parks.  Dean Googled the school system and it got good ratings.  Cas called and made an offer that afternoon.  By Monday, they had a contract .

Because Cas knew people in the construction business, the slab was poured within two weeks.  Dean was getting into a routine.  Mornings, he spent in the studio Benny found him with a few musicians.  Afternoons, he spent at the apartment writing songs.  Most he kept for himself, but a few he gave to Benny to 'sell'.  He always had dinner ready for Cas when he got home.  

Benny and Dean had several meeting throughout the end of June and early July.  The tour and appearance dates had been finalized and he would start a brief tour in September, ending in early December.  Dean was adamant that he would not do anything from mid-December to late January because of the baby.  Cas was supportive about his appearances, claiming they could talk, text and skype while Dean was on the road .  

The newspaper interview had gone well and several of his friends in the business had called him and told him they were proud of him.  Garth Brooks and Trisha Yearwood sent them a beautiful arrangement congratulating them on their engagement.  There were a few haters, but Dean just ignored them.  Cas and Dean agreed Lisa and their child were not going to be mentioned and so far only close friends and family knew about the baby.

Cas was busy with the house.  It was coming along and was slated to be ready around the Thanksgiving holiday.  Dean dropped by the lot on occasion, but he felt like he just got in the way.  Cas was always walking around with rolled up plans talking about square footage, retaining walls and electrical systems.  Watching his future husband giving orders to all those workman turned Dean on.  On the days Dean did visit the lot, the sex was always wild that night.  He loved the way  Cas' eyes would darken when he walked up to him, stepping over piles of lumber and tiles.  

One afternoon, he was at the apartment working on the chords of a new song  when t he phone rang.  

"Dean, it's Lisa."  

"Hey, how are things?"  Dean never knew what to say to Lisa.  When Cas was around, the two of them chatted about school and things happening in the news.  Dean just felt awkward.

"Check your email.  I sent you and Castiel a picture."

"Okay, hold on."  Dean got up and went to find his laptop.

"Is Castiel there?"

"No, he's still at work."  He opened the computer and was getting ready to log in when she stopped him.

"Dean, don't open my email until Castiel is with you.  Promise me."

"Alright.  Any reason why?"

"You'll understand."  She asked about the progress on the house and they talked for a few more minutes.  His fingers twitched on the mouse.  He wanted to see what she sent.  A picture of what?

Dean was putting the finishing touches on the roasted chicken when Cas walked in the door.  After setting down his briefcase and removing his jacket, he came to the kitchen and kissed Dean like he did every night.  It was only after they finished cleaning the kitchen that Dean remembered the email.

"Lisa called today and said we were supposed to open her email together.  She sent some sort of picture."

They sat on the couch and Dean opened his laptop.  Cas had his arm around him and he opened the email.  In bold pink letters were the words 'It's a girl'.  Both men stared at the screen in awe.  "How does she know that?"

"Open the attachment, Dean, " Cas whispered.  Dean clicked the icon and a black image opened.  It looked like an x-ray or something.

"Is this one of those ultrasound things?"  Dean asked, squinting at it.

"This our baby, Dean."  Dean looked from the blob on the screen to Cas.  Cas' head was tilted sideways and his mouth was open in a small 'o'.

"It's a freakin' blob, Cas."  Dean tilted his head to see if it would give him a better perspective.  It didn't.  "It's just a bunch of squiggles."

"No.  There's her head."  Cas traced his finger over the screen.  "And that's her little bottom and that's her..."

Dean glanced up and Cas had tears running down his face.  "Cas, hey...look, she can't help it if she looks like an alien.  You don't have to cry about it."  He made a joke so he would get choked up like Cas.  One of them had to be strong.  Cas had just turned to mush before his eyes.  

Cas gave a soft chuckle at Dean's attempt at humor.  "She's beautiful."

"Jury's still out on that one, Babe."  

Cas took the laptop and forwarded the email to his office.

It was a few days later when he stopped by to have lunch with Cas that he saw the framed picture on his desk.  So, what if his eyes got a little blurry.

***

Castiel walked Dean to the outer door of his offices and was about to kiss him goodbye when Hannah asked, "Have you set a date yet?"

Both men looked at her in confusion.  "Huh?" Dean asked.

"The wedding.  Have you set the date?"

Truth be told, Castiel hadn't even thought about a wedding.  With the baby, the construction of their house, Dean's impending tour.  "Uhm, no," Castiel answered.

Hannah looked scandal ized .  "You are getting married before the baby gets here, aren't you?"

"Uhm...maybe," Dean fielded that question. 

"Oh my God, you haven't done anything have you?"

"Hannah, we're building a house and..."  Castiel stopped because his administrative assistant was looking at them like they were the stupidest men on the planet.

"Why do we even have to have a wedding?  Let's just go to the courthouse."  Dean shrugged.  "No planning involved...none of that stupid crap that goes along with a wedding.

Castiel wasn't sure how he felt about that. He hadn't given a wedding much thought, but still...

"You've got to have a wedding." Now, Hannah looked indignent.  Like they'd committed a major faux paus. 

And so it began...Dean was in a snit because he didn't want a wedding, but at least Charlie was on board.  The wedding was set for the tenth of September.  Charlie and Cas had six weeks to put it together.  It was the only time they could fit it in their schedules.  Dean was due to play in Houston the very next weekend and Cas was going to take the week off and travel with him for their honeymoon.  

The time flew.  Dean was being such an ass about it that one night after Castiel mentioned a cake tasting over dinner and Dean responded with another smartass answer, Castiel stood up and dumped his meal into the trashcan and slammed out of the apartment.  He was out of the elevator and almost to his car when Dean caught up with him.  

"You aren't running away from a fight, Cas."  Dean grabbed his arm and spun him around.

"Dean, it would be very wise of you to let me go before I say something I'll regret."

"Like what, Cas.  Go on, give it your best shot."

"You've been acting like a spoiled child since we started planning the wedding.  If you don't want to marry me, you need to say so right God damn now."  Castiel's hands were in fists and he was so angry he was seeing red.

"Is that what you want, Cas.  Want me to call the whole thing off?"

"Since when do you care what I want?"

The door of one of the first floor apartments opened and a middle aged woman looked out at them.  Both men clammed up.  Castiel managed to yank his arm from Dean's grasp, but they both were trying to stare down each other.  Dean had that stubborn set to his jaw, but Castiel could be just as stubborn.

Finally, Dean threw up his hands.  "You win.  Have your big fucking wedding and just let me know when and where I need to show up."

Castiel didn't want to win.  He shook his head.  "No, the wedding's off."  He pushed the key fob and the doors to his car unlocked with a small click.  

Dean pushed in front of him and leaned on the driver's door.  "So, that's it...we're done?"

Castiel felt the prick of tears and he turned away from Dean.  He looked down at the ring on his left hand and started to take it off.

***

No one seemed to care that Dean didn't want a big wedding.  Jo had pulled off the wedding of the century and he hated every fuckin' minute of it.  He didn't need fancy cakes and a stiff tuxedo to let everyone know that he loved Cas.

He was stressing about their baby...their unborn daughter...and the work on the house was driving him nuts.  Cas wanted him to help pick colors and fixtures.  Sam was bugging him about a prenup agreement and Benny was calling three or four times a day with questions about the tour.  He was tired and just wanted one quiet evening with Cas.  But no, Cas had to bring up the wedding.  He'd snapped.  He'd said some snide remark about the damn wedding cake and before he knew it, they were downstairs arguing about calling the wedding off.  That was fine with him.  He didn't want the wedding...he just wanted to marry Cas.

But then Dean's world began to cave in around him.  Cas twisted his ring and was trying to get it off.  Fuck no, Cas was his happily ever after... Cas was his forever...they were going to be a family.

"Don't you dare take that off, Cas.  Don't you fuckin' dare."  Dean was up in Cas' face.  He grabbed the sides of Cas face and made Cas look at him.  "I love you, damn it.  I'm not letting you go."

"You said..."

"I said I didn't want a fuckin' wedding, Cas.  I never said I didn't want to marry you."

Cas didn't speak, but he still didn't look happy.  "Cas...I've already been through a wedding, it was a fuckton of stress and look how that ended.  I just...I just want to marry you and start a family.  Do we really need the whole fuckin' circus?"

Cas shook his head slowly.  Dean grinned and pulled him in for a kiss.  It wasn't the warmest of kisses, but they'd just had a fight.  Make up sex was the best sex.  He pulled Cas to the elevators and knew that everything was going to be okay.

When Dean went upstairs after watching Jimmy Kimmel, Cas was already asleep.  So much for makeup sex.  He'd just make him late for work tomorrow morning.

When Dean woke, the bed was empty.  He looked at the alarm clock.  Cas always woke him and kissed him goodbye before leaving for work.  Dean had an uneasy feeling.  

He was pulling up at the recording studio when Charlie came striding across the parking lot.  "I got a call from Cas this morning."

"Yeah?"  Dean grabbed his guitar out of the backseat.  "Did he tell you the news?"

"The news?  He told me the wedding was off and for me to cancel everything."  The redhead didn't look very happy with him.  

"We're still getting married, Charlie.  I thought you'd be happy about it.  No more phone calls and running around."

"You are so damn selfish sometimes."  She threw her hands in the air and stomped off towards her car.

What the fuck?  "Charlie, wait."  He jogged over to her.  She was already inside her car and the ignition was cranked.  

"Why is a wedding such a big fucking deal?  I had one and let me tell you, they aren't fun."

"Well, you didn't really love Jo, did you?  And she sure has hell didn't love you.  I'm sorry if that whole fiasco left a bad taste in your mouth, but  Cas was having fun planning your wedding.  You should have seen him, Dean.  He planned to marry you at the aquarium, because that's the  first place he saw you after all those years.  Even the damn cake had to be what Dean would like.  The flowers are in your favorite color.  He planned the whole thing around your likes.  He wanted you to be happy and that was making him happy."

Dean stood in the middle of the parking lot staring down at Charlie and he realized he was the biggest idiot in the world.  "How do I fix this?"

"Hell if I know."

It took Dean forty-five minutes to get across town to Cas' office.  He waved to Mindy and caught the elevator.  When he entered Cas' office, Hannah gave him a total bitchface until she saw what was in Dean's hands.  She nodded her head in the direction of Cas' door.

"Wish me luck."

"You're going to need it," she replied.  Great...just great.

He opened Cas' door and his fiance' had his back to him.  He was on the telephone.  "Yes, that's right.  I apologize, but it can't be helped.  I understand the deposit is non-refundable..."

Dean snatched the phone away from Cas and shouted into it.  "Hey, whoever you are, don't cancel a freakin' thing.  The wedding is still on and it's going to be the biggest wedding Atlanta has ever seen."  Dean slid his finger across the end button and calmly handed Cas' phone back to him.  Cas simply stared at him.  "So, I'm been thinking and I know you wanted it to be a small thing, but hell...go big or go home, right?  I'm going to be in charge of the invitations, so you don't worry your pretty little head about that, okay?"

Cas looked so  freakin' confused that Dean just had to kiss him...hard.  Then he shoved the bouquet of red roses in his hands.  "I know it doesn't make up for me being a total dick, but just don't make me sleep on the couch.  And speaking of couches, the first rule of our marriage is going to be that we don't go to bed mad.  That was my mom's rule..."

Cas' mouth cut off his words.  Not that he was complaining.


	18. Must Be Doing Something Right

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A wedding and the birth of their child.

The morning of September 10th was a busy one. Castiel had many last minute details to attend to and unfortunately, Dean was left to his own devices. His own devices turned out to be following Castiel around and offering suggestions. Suggestions that were driving Castiel crazy. 

"Hey, Cas, can I get some of my friends to play at the reception? A string quartet seems kind of lame." 

"Dean, the aquarium will not allow amps and drums. The vibrations could disturb the marine life." 

"I don't see why we can't have pie and cake, Cas." 

"Dean, you can have pie on our honeymoon...as much as you want. However, today we are having wedding cake." 

"I don't see why I have to wear a tux." Dean ran his fingers around the collar, making choking and gagging noises. 

"Dean, you are not choking. Stop being childish." Castiel was exasperated. He was getting married to this man in less than an hour and if he didn't stop with all the questions and whining, Castiel was going to choke the life out of him. 

Dean pouted for the next ten minutes. The room given to them by the aquarium to dress in was furnished with a sofa, large mirrors and a few chairs. Dean sat at one end of the sofa with his lips pooched out. Castiel tried not to smile. He really looked like a child that didn't get his way. He didn't realize he was staring, his mind going a mile a minute. 

"What?" Dean asked. 

"I just realized our little girl..." Damn it. Castiel was a grown man and tears were not on the agenda today. 

Dean stood up and came over to him. He looked so handsome in his tux, black cowboy boots and a black Stetson. "Hey, Babe...what's the matter?" 

"I hope she looks like you. I hope she's stubborn and funny and smart and talented and..." 

"Of course, she'll be adorable. She comes from my loins." Dean grinned that boyish grin that made Castiel's knees weak every time he did it. 

Castiel shook his head and chuckled. Leave it to Dean to pull him out of a meltdown. "I love you." 

"Love you more, Cas." Dean looked at his watch. "Wonder where everybody's at?" 

With the timing Castiel had down to the second, there was a knock on the door. Dean opened it while Castiel finished tying his bowtie. In the mirror, he saw his best man, Balthazar and his groomsman, Crowley, both dressed in pinstrip suits, white shirts and silver ties. He grinned at them. 

Behind them were Sam and Benny, dressed in dark blue suits. Benny carried a bottle of champagne and six glasses. He popped the cork and poured the sparkling liquid into the flutes. 

"A little pre-wedding toast for my best friend and the love of his life." Everyone raised their glasses and clicked the crystal rims together. 

"Thank you, Benny," Castiel said, watching how Sam was straightening Dean's tie and adjusting the single red rose on his lapel. This was really happening. 

"Let's get this show on the road, shall we?" Crowley took a swig of champagne out of the bottle and opened the door. The five men trailed behind him. Castiel paused at the edge of the curtained off area. The backdrop of the room was of course, the beluga whale tank and the resident whales were right by the heavy glass like they could really tell what was going on and wanted to be a part of it. Dean had suggested to one of the aquarium's employees that he thought it would be a good idea to put black bowties around their necks. The man was not amused. Secretly, Castiel was. 

White, wooden chairs were lined up side by side, over three hundred, all filled with guests. Dean had gone overboard with the guest list. The who's who of country music were in attendance. Castiel could see Gabe in the front row, his plus one was one of his leading ladies. Candy someone. Castiel had been introduced but he really didn't take the time to get to know her, since she would be replaced by someone else next week. He saw Charlie in an elegant green gown. She looked stunning. Dean's girl Friday was now one of his best friends. He was glad Dean didn't mind sharing her. 

Soft violin music played and the guests quieted. Crowley and Zar went first, followed by Sam and Benny. Castiel watched how the women all openly stared at the four handsome men. 

"You ready, Cas?" 

Castiel turned to Dean and smiled. He gave a nervous nod and linked his fingers with Dean's. Castiel didn't remember the walk up to the priest. They'd chosen to write their vows and soon Castiel was speaking the words he'd written and rewritten hundreds of times. "I, Castiel James Novak, take you, Dean Ross Winchester, to be my husband. I will laugh with you in times of joy, and comfort you in times of sorrow. I will share in your dreams and support you as you strive to achieve your goals. I will listen to you with compassion and understanding, and speak to you with encouragement. Together, let us build a home filled with learning, laughter and light, shared freely with all who may live there. Let us be partners, friends and lovers, today and all of the days that follow." 

In his strong baritone, Dean vowed, "I, Dean Ross Winchester, take you, Castiel James Novak to be my husband. I promise to always be your biggest fan and your partner in crime. I promise to create and support a family with you, in a household filled with laughter, patience, understanding, and love. I vow not just to grow old together, but to grow together. I will love you faithfully through the difficult and the easy. What may come, I will always be there, each one believing that love never dies. As I have given you my hand to hold, so I give you my life to keep." 

The priest pronounced them married and they kissed. Applause, a few cat calls and whistles came from the guests. Castiel and Dean turned and made their way down the aisle. The reception was by the whale sharks' tank, thousands of candles lit the room. White linen tablecloths, white china plates with blue napkins and crystal vases filled with blue hyacinths and hydrangeas were on every table. 

***   
Dean was hungry and the photographer kept sticking them in more poses. He'd already taken thousands of pictures. Okay, more like hundreds, but still, Dean was wanting to get this show on the road. Everyone knew the reception was when the fun really began. Okay, technically, the honeymoon was when the fun began, but the reception was like foreplay. Dean spied Jo Harvelle talking to Travis Tritt. She looked beautiful. He'd put a special note in her invitation, apologizing to her and wishing her all the happiness in the world. She looked up as if sensing him looking at her. She raised her glass of wine and winked. 

The aquarium pulled out all the stops. The place really was awesome. If his...husband...Dean smiled...ever decided he didn't want to be an architect anymore, he could become a wedding planner. He even mentioned it to Cas, but Cas had responded with a bitchface that would have rivaled Sam's. Dean looked around, speaking of Cas, where the hell was he? 

He found his husband in a corner of the room with a bunch of his employees. Dean knew Hannah, Mindy and David, and a few of the others by sight, if not by name. He joined the group. Castiel was talking about the baby. 

"No, we haven't settled on a name yet. I'd love to honor Dean's mother by calling her Mary. Mrs. Winchester was more of a mother to me than my own." Dean's eyes suddenly blurred and he turned away. They hadn't talked about names yet. The fact that Castiel wanted to call her Mary went straight to his heart. Sam spied him and called him over. He took the beer Sam offered. "Hey, you look...sad...it's your wedding day, Dean. Lighten up." 

"Cas wants to name the baby Mary." 

Sam's silly grin faded to a warm smile. "That's...wow, that's pretty cool." 

"Yeah." Dean shrugged. Damn if he'd turn into a crybaby today of all days. He swiped at his eye and he knew he wasn't fooling Sam. 

"I'm really happy for you, Dean. I had my doubts at first, but Castiel is a great guy and he really loves you, Man." 

"He does. I sure as fuck didn't make it easy on him." Dean smirked and tipped his beer bottle to tap against Sam's. 

Balthazar and Sam made eloquent speeches. Crowley and Benny made everyone laugh with theirs. They cut the cake and Cas was nice, giving Dean a small piece. Dean, in turn, smeared the confection all over Cas' face. Then there was their first dance. Dean realized it was really their first dance. He'd given the piano player the music for Cas' song and while they slow danced, Dean sung the words in Cas' ear. Cas cried. Dean wiped his tears and the guests gave a collective 'ahhhh'. 

They left the reception at ten. Someone, and Dean would find out who, filled the Impala with helium balloons, wrote obscene words all over the windows, tied old cowboy boots to the bumper and hung condoms off his baby's antenna. Dean stopped at the first gas station that was open and borrowed their hose. Dean wasn't about to let his baby sit like that for long, she had dignity. He left her at the airport with a promise from Charlie that she would come take his pride and joy home. Home was now a five bedroom house in a very nice section of Atlanta. Baby had her own garage...well, she had to share her space with Cas' car and there was even room for another vehicle...maybe he'd buy a pickup truck. He'd need one for trips to the home store. He'd bought a huge riding lawnmower a couple weeks back. 

Technically, they hadn't moved in yet, even though most of their furniture was there. Cas and one of the interior designers from his firm helped decorate it, but most of the input came from the two men. Cas insisted it be a home, not a showplace. The house wasn't supposed to be ready until Thanksgiving but Cas had a way of making the construction crews want to work overtime. It would be ready for occupancy when Dean got back from his tour. 

Dean smiled as he sat clutching Cas' hand. God, he hated flying. But he smiled because he was remembering how they had already christened the house. Once on the tile floor of the bathroom, once on the kitchen island and yes, once in the garage on the hood of the Impala. 

The cab from the airport dropped them off at Dean's house. He hoped Charlie took care of everything. He followed her instructions and sent a text to one of her nerdy friends that they'd landed at the airport. When they walked in, the house was lit with a few lamps. A bucket filled with champagne and ice sat on the coffee table, a fire was blazing in the huge hearth and a tray of chocolate covered strawberries was next to the two crystal goblets. Cas was surprised. 

"How did you manage this?" 

"It's magic, Babe. Never underestimate your husband's romantic moves." 

They sat and fed each other strawberries and yeah, it was sappy, but Cas loved that kind of crap. Dean excused himself and raced up the stairs. He lit all the candles and ran the bath water. There was a bottle of some sort of bubble bath on the tub, compliments of Charlie. He dumped a whole bunch into the running water. It smelled citrusy. 

He ran back downstairs. Cas was putting the tray and glasses in the sink. "Come on, Cas, I have more surprises upstairs. 

He watched Cas' face light up, that big gummy smile and the way his eyes crinkled at the corners drove Dean nuts. They undressed each other and sunk down in the hot water. He may have put too much of the bubbly stuff in because bubbles were billowing up in clouds about a foot off the surface of the water. Dean made himself a beard with the bubbles. Cas didn't want to play, so Dean plopped a huge glob of bubbles onto his head. A lot of splashing ensured and his housekeeper wasn't going to be happy with him. He'd have to remember to give her a big Christmas bonus. 

After drying off, Dean felt suddenly nervous. Tonight was a first, not just married sex, but sex without condoms. Their test results had been delivered to them the day before the wedding. Dean wanted to fuck right away, but Cas wanted to wait until their wedding night. Dean was glad they'd waited. This made it special. 

Cas dropped his towel and turned to crawl on the bed. "Hold that pose, Cas." Cas was on all fours, with that beautiful runner's ass of his just waiting for him. 

Dean crawled up behind Cas and rubbed his hands over Cas' tight cheeks. "You've got the best ass, Babe. Have I ever told you how much I love your ass?" 

"Yes, Dean." 

"Well, I do." Dean parted the two pale cheeks and looked down at Cas' puckered, pink hole. He dipped his tongue down and took a long swipe. Cas moaned. Back and forth, his tongue licked at Cas' entrance. 

***   
Castiel rested his forehead on his arms. Dean was doing delightful things with his tongue and liquid heat ran through his veins. Dean teased him with his tongue, dipping his tongue in past the muscle. It felt so good. He could feel Dean's spit dripping down to his balls. Dean slipped in a finger alongside of his tongue. While his finger sought Cas' prostate, his tongue was working magic on that sensitive spot under his sac. Dean was sucking at the skin there and Cas could barely breath. "Dean..." 

"Hmmm," Dean murmured, never stopping the relentless movement of his mouth. 

"Please...." Please what? Castiel didn't know. Please hurry and fuck him. Yes...but damn, Dean's talented mouth could do what it was doing all night long. 

"I'm going to take care of you tonight, Cas. We have all night long." 

Castiel's breath caught every time Dean's finger brushed against his prostate. Dean's other hand was cupping his balls, massaging them...rolling them in his palm. Another finger slid in. Cas was so wet from Dean's spit that they slipped in with ease. Dean was going to take him tonight, without a condom, he'd be able to feel Dean's cum filling him. That single thought made him impatient. "Dean, hurry, damn it." 

"What's the hurry, Cas? You eager to feel my cock in your ass." 

"Yes. God, yes." 

Dean pushed in another finger and worked them in and out, making sure he paid special attention to that sweet spot. When Dean finally removed his fingers, Castiel growled in frustration. He felt so empty. He knew his hole would be wet and red, swollen and open, begging for Dean's cock. 

He felt Dean's lips brush against his ass, a soft kiss on his spine and then he was off the bed. Castiel turned to watch as Dean opened the nightstand drawer. He picked up a tube of lubricant, the kind that heated when rubbed into skin. Still standing next to the bed, Dean filled his hand with the clear gel. He brought his hand to his hard cock and stroked it slowly. Castiel's eyes were fixed on the sight. His beautiful husband, touching himself...watching your partner pleasure themselves was such an intimate act and Castiel wanted it to go on for a long time. Dean's eyes were looking at him, half closed...the tip of his tongue came out to lick his bottom lip. Their stare lengthened, a minute must have gone by, maybe two. Time was irrelevant. 

Then Dean moved. He got behind Castiel and Castiel could feel him...feel the head of his beautiful cock right there, right at his entrance. He rolled his hips back, seeking. Dean's hands rubbed his hips gently before holding him tight, then he pushed in. Just the head...despite the prep, Castiel felt the brief shot of pain...the burning...and then, it was if his body wanted to suck Dean inside. Dean was still, letting Castiel adjust. Dean's voice was higher than normal, it sounded like he was barely keeping it together. 

"Jesus, Cas...you feel so fuckin'...so fuckin'…" Dean's words trailed off like he couldn't come up with the proper words to describe what he was feeling. And if it was anything like Castiel imagined, he knew he wouldn't be able to form a sentence either. 

Castiel didn't need words to let Dean know he was ready, just a slight roll of his hips, a gently push back into Dean. Dean moved, slowly at first and then he gradually got faster, they seemed to move as one. Castiel didn't know where Dean ended and he began. Castiel turned to look at Dean and his eyes caught in the dresser mirror. He could see himself, flushed from arousal, his hair wild, his facial muscles slack...but Dean, God, Dean was beautiful. His head was thrown back, eyes closed, mouth open...his muscular arms taut, hands gripping Castiel's hips...his ass flexing with each thrust...Castiel could see Dean's cock disappearing into his body, only to reappear again, slick with lube. "Oh, God, Dean." 

Dean rode him faster, needing his release. Castiel continued to watch in the mirror. Dean's skin has a light sheen to it from his sweat. His teeth were biting into his lower lip, breaths coming in short gasps. "Cas, damn....so tight..." With a cry, Dean emptied himself. Watching Dean come in the mirror...feeling the throb of his cock...feeling the hot wetness of Dean's cum for the very first time...Castiel's orgasm ripped through him. Wildfire fast, no buildup, no need to chase it...it was just blinding...a burst of colors...his cock untouched. 

Later, after they'd showered, as they lay in each other's arms, Dean's soft snores in his ear, Castiel's lips brushed against Dean's temple. "You are the best thing that has ever happened to me, Dean." 

***   
The next day was controlled chaos. It always was when Dean started out a tour. The bus was loaded with all the comforts of home, the semi that carried all the production equipment, lights and other equipment needed for the tour was already on it's way. By noon, Dean and Cas were on the bus headed for Houston. 

He played to a sell out crowd. He never spoke about it to anyone, but Dean was grateful the majority of his fans had been supportive of his choice to come out and marry Cas. Charlie told him that his Facebook page and his website were bombarded with not only support, but with young people...teens and young adults...telling him how he changed their lives. Did he notice the younger fans in the crowds now? Yeah, he did. His eyes would cut to the wings of the stage and he'd see Cas standing there and his world was right. 

Touring was tiring, the first week while Cas was with him passed all to quickly. He knew Cas needed to get back to his job, but it hurt to watch his husband get on the plane in Las Vegas. They'd kissed at the airport, much to the delight of a few fans. 

He told himself it would only be four weeks, but the days seemed to stretch out before him like a dry desert. Charlie kept him occupied with video games and mock sword fights in hotel rooms. Benny was with him for interviews and talk show appearances in the eleven cities he played. He spoke to Cas daily. 

The house was ready, utilities turned on, the hot tub and pool were filled...everything was ready for them to move in whenever he got home. Cas wouldn't move in until Dean was there. Dean told him it was silly, but Cas wouldn't budge. It really made Dean happy because Cas was waiting for him to start their new life in their new home. 

November had them settling into their new home. Rearranging furniture, adding personal touches and having sex in every room except the nursery. That would be a whole new level of creepy. So, creepy, neither man even mentioned it. Dean found himself in the nursery at least once daily. He couldn't wait to bring Mary Elizabeth Winchester-Novak home. When his tour ended in Nashville on stage at the Grand Ole Opry, Cas had come up to spend the weekend with him. They got to go visit a very pregnant Lisa while they were in Nashville and made the time to go to her appointment. Dean remembered how they'd held each other when they heard their baby's heartbeat for the first time. 

Dean decided a week before Thanksgiving that he wanted to have their first holiday dinner at their new house. He shopped and prepped for days before the event. Gabe flew out from California, Sam and his new fiancee' Jess were there, Meg and Balthazar came, as did Crowley and Charlie. Everyone had fun and everyone ate too much. Cas told Dean it was the best Thanksgiving he'd ever had. Dean decided that it would be a new tradition, this house, these friends, a good meal. 

They were decorating the huge Christmas tree when the call came. Lisa was in labor. Dean and Cas had talked about this moment. Dean said Cas was going to panic and be a hot mess, but it was actually Dean who stood in the middle of the living room and had a come apart. 

"We're not ready. We don't have all the stuff we need. God, Cas, she wasn't due for another two weeks. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck." He ran his hand through his hair. God, his hands were shaking. There was so much stuff to do.

"Dean, calm down." Cas came over to him and wrapped him in his arms. "Seriously, you need to calm down. We do have everything." He was right. Their family and friends gave them a shower the weekend after Thanksgiving. It was a surprise thing headed up by Hannah, who'd wrangled Charlie into the event planning. 

Hannah had swiped Cas' cell and sent Dean a text about meeting him for lunch at the office. When Dean arrived, Mindy called Hannah and Hannah told Cas there was a problem in the kitchen with Rufus. The two men met in the hallway outside of the cafeteria...and so that's how they were surprised by a huge baby shower. 

Both men threw a few things in their bags and got into Cas' car. "I still don't see why we can't just drive," Dean said petulantly. 

"Dean, Nashville is four hours away. I am not going to miss our child's birth because of engine trouble or an accident. Besides, you would speed and you would get a ticket." Cas maneuvered his car into a parking spot at the private airport. A short man was standing beside a small plane. 

"Which one of you is Mr. Novak?" 

"It's Winchester-Novak." Cas stuck out his hand and shook it the pilot's. 

"Cool, it's all cool. I'm Garth and I'm your pilot. Y'all ready?" 

*** 

Castiel tossed his bag into the plane and turned to Dean. Dean was pale as a sheet. His hand gripped the bag so tightly that his knuckles were white. "Dean, you can do this. We're going to go meet our child. Everything will be okay." 

Dean shook his head. "I...I...can't...too small..." 

Castiel took Dean's shoulders in his hands. "Listen to me, Dean. You going to get on this plane and I'm going to be right beside you. Mary Elizabeth is coming into this world and we need to be there to meet her." 

"Oh...not a flyer, huh?" Garth eyed Dean up and down. "Don't worry. We'll be sitting down in Nashville in a little over an hour. Maybe less if I get a good tailwind." 

Castiel took Dean's bag and tossed it in next to his. He grabbed Dean's hand and pulled him into the plane. Dean sat, stiff and pale. Castiel rummaged in his bag and pulled out his Ipod. He fitted the earbuds into Dean's ears and turned it on. He began to rub Dean's back in circular motions. He didn't think Dean took a breath until they were in the air. 

An hour and five minutes later, they landed at the Nashville airport. Dean got on his knees and kissed the runway. Garth laughed and slapped Castiel's back. "Nope, definitely not a flyer." 

A cab waited for them at the terminal and it took no time to get to the regional hospital. Inside the labor and delivery waiting room, they found a young boy and an older woman. "Are you the Winchesters?" 

"Yes, Ma'am." Castiel answered for them. 

"I'm Lisa's mom and this is Ben. She's already dilated to nine centimeters and she's doing well. You need to check in with the nursing station and get ready." 

"Thank you. I hope you know how much we appreciate what Lisa is doing for us," Castiel said gratefully. He noticed Dean looked a bit green. 

"Lisa's always been a good girl. She's going to finish school, thanks to you both." 

Castiel took Dean's hand and pulled him towards the nursing station. Dean turned back to the boy. "Your mom is a special woman. You do well in school and don't give her a hard time, you hear?" 

"Yeah," the boy said, looking small. Castiel took a second to study the child. He was dressed in jeans and a leather jacket. His hair was spiked up and he had a sprinkling of freckles. He could have been Dean's with those looks. He smiled at the boy. "Ben, your mom has our phone numbers. When you want to, tell her to bring you to Atlanta and Dean and I will take you to the Georgia Aquarium." 

"Really?" the boy said excitedly. 

"Really." Castiel smiled. 

They were led to a room to change into scrubs. They washed their hands and followed the nurse into Lisa's room. The woman was sitting up in bed, breathing hard. A man was standing next to her, also in scrubs. Castiel assumed he was the doctor until he noticed they were holding hands. 

"Lisa, we're here," he whispered and made his way to her bedside, dragging Dean behind him. He heard Dean mutter something about passing out or throwing up. 

"Hi, guys. Dean, Castiel, this is my...boyfriend, Stephen. Stephen, these are the baby's fathers." Boyfriend? Lisa never mentioned anyone in the many phone calls they'd shared. Not that it was any of their business, Castiel supposed. 

A woman in a white lab coat came in. "You must be the new dads. We are taking Lisa into delivery soon. It shouldn't be much longer. She's in transition and we've got a pediatrician standing by." 

Dean was looking at her blankly. Castiel rolled his eyes at his husband. "If you would have listened to me while I read the childbirth books, you would know what she's talking about." 

"Hey, I know what a pediatrician is," Dean said defensively. Lisa laughed at the exchange. Her boyfriend didn't follow them to delivery, he kissed Lisa and told her he'd see her afterwards. 

The nurses and doctor got everything ready and another contraction hit Lisa. She gripped the railing of the bed hard and moaned. Castiel reached for her and she took his hand gratefully. "You're doing great, Lisa." 

"Lisa." Dean stepped up on the other side of the bed. "I'm sorry for that night...for being drunk and...not remembering you. But I'm so grateful you're doing this for me and Cas." 

"You're a good man, Dean," she panted. "You and Cas...good together..." 

"Okay, Lisa. I'm going to need you to push. Dads, you might want to come down here to see your daughter come into the world." 

It was another hour before they could actually hold Mary Elizabeth for the first time. She was a bit slow to take a breath and the pediatrician had to step in, but they were assured she was fine. A healthy girl, with ten fingers and ten toes. She got a clean bill of health. Dean held her first and Castiel watched his husband stare at his child in awe. 

Castiel winked at Dean. Yes, he had something to tease Dean about now. His husband, Mr. Tough Guy, passed out on the floor before Mary Elizabeth even entered the world.


	19. In My Daughter's Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bringing home baby.

Mary Elizabeth Winchester-Novak was brought back to Atlanta with little fanfare. Her two fathers argued over who was going to sit in the back seat with her for the drive home. It came down to a flip of a coin and compromise. Dean got the first half of the trip and Cas got the second half. From the back seat, Dean took equal time cooing at his baby girl and bitching at Cas for driving too fast, following to close, taking a corner to tight...

When they pulled up at their home, both men stood in the driveway, Cas holding Mary and Dean with his arm around his husband and a hand splayed around Mary's back. "This is our new life," Cas said, dropping a kiss to Mary's head.

Dean kissed Cas and grinned. "Come on, let's get our girl inside."

The house was bright and airy. Arrangements of flowers were on just about every surface. Dean and Cas read the cards attached. Family and friends sent words of encouragement and congratulations. Upstairs, the nursery was complete with sunny, yellow paint. The crib was made up with a beautiful pink and yellow quilt handmade by Hannah. In one corner was a huge pile of gaily wrapped boxes. Dean picked up the sheet of paper on top of the pile.

**Hey Guys,**

**Your family wanted you to know we love you and are really happy for you both. Once you get settled, we'll come over and meet Mary, but we thought you both needed time to get to know your new baby girl.**

**Love,**

And it was signed by Sam, Jess, Benny, Charlie, Cas' partners and a few employees of Cas' firm.

"Wow, that's pretty cool," Dean said softly. The two men shared a look over their daughter's head. Cas carefully laid his sleeping baby down in her crib. They took the receiver of the baby monitor with them. Holding hands, they went from room to room. Even though they'd been in the house thousands of times since it was built, this time was different. They were finally home.

The first week after moving in was hard. Tempers flared from exhaustion. Who knew a newborn was so loud? And demanding? Dean volunteered to do the nighttime feedings since his schedule was less stringent than Cas', but after a week, he was rethinking Cas' idea of taking turns.

It was after a nasty fight about Cas working late two nights in a row, that resulted in Dean attempting to sleep in the guest room. After thirty minutes of tossing and turning, he got up and stood at their bedroom door. Cas was awake, lamp on, looking miserable while trying to read a book.

"I'm sorry I blew up at you, Cas. I'm just so tired..."

Cas nodded his head towards Dean's side of the bed. "We need to talk, Dean."

Dean sat on the edge of the bed, back to Cas. "Talk about what?" Dean was tense. When people said they need to talk, it was never good. He felt Cas' hand rest on the small of his back.

"Dean, we need to talk about hiring a nanny. I know you said we'd talk about it when Mary was older, but Sweetheart, you're not getting any sleep and you haven't even left the house in a week. You even asked me if I wanted to go 'beddy bye' last night."

Dean winced. He was getting so used to talking to Mary in 'baby talk' that it was bleeding over into his conversations with Cas. He hadn't had a chance to work on any writing or composing. Benny was going to be breathing down his neck soon. He nodded. "You're right."

"Come here, you idiot." Cas pulled him back onto the bed until their bodies aligned. "I love you," he said, kissing Dean softly on the temple. They lay like that for a few minutes, Dean relishing in the feel of Cas' arms around him. "It's been nine days since we've had sex."

Dean looked up in shock at Cas. Had it been that long? No wonder he'd been in a sour mood lately. "Sperm buildup isn't healthy. We need to do something about that."

"Hmmm, yes, we do." Cas mouth covered his, tongue forcing his mouth open. Dean relinquished control to his husband. Cas could do anything he wanted to him as long as he got to come...and soon. Cas shifted until he was on top of Dean, holding his hands above his head with one hand, while the other tweaked his nipples, first one and then the other. Dean moaned and relaxed into Cas' touch. Cas' mouth was doing amazing things to his neck...gentle nips and sucking... followed by sweet kisses.

***

Castiel wanted to make Dean feel good. He languidly kissed down Dean's chest, taking his own sweet time. He was taking special care of one of Dean's hipbones when it registered that Dean wasn't moving anymore. He raised his head and smiled softly. Dean was fast asleep. Quietly, he tucked his husband under the covers, put the baby monitor on his side of the bed and walked down the hall to Mary's room.

He leaned over the crib watching her sleep. She looked like Dean and for that, Castiel was grateful. Maybe their next child could be his...their next child? Castiel laughed softly. One little girl was exhausting both men...what would they do with two?

"Someday," he said, patting Mary's back. The soft terry cloth sleep hugged her little body.

At work the next day, he called Hannah into his office. She came in with her normal legal pad and pen, ready to take notes.

"Dean and I need to hire a nanny. Will you make a few phone calls and see what you can find out about some of the best agencies?"

Hannah looked pensive. "Could I make a suggestion?" Castiel looked up from his monitor. "Sure." "There are two hundred and sixty-two employees here, not including you, Mr. Sebastian and Mr. Crowley. Of those, eighty-seven have very small children. There is an eight hundred square foot room on the first floor that is now being used for storage, mostly broken office furniture, boxes of office supplies and archived files. I've found storage places for the office supplies in an empty office in HR, the archived files can be scanned and the hard copies recycled and as far as the broken furniture, I don't see why we can't call waste management and have them take it to the dump. We could utilize that space for a office daycare. It would mean less problems with tardiness due to child care issues and we could offer a discounted rate."

Castiel leaned back in his chair, staring at her, mouth agape. "Damn, you've given this a lot of thought."

"I have. Especially after I found out about Mary's arrival. I knew with your busy schedules, you'd have to hire a nanny or think about daycare." She shrugged. "I just thought it would be nice."

"You are a genius, Hannah. If I wasn't gay and happily married, I'd propose." He grinned. "Let me talk to Zar and Crowley and crunch some numbers."

Hannah slipped a piece of paper across his desk. "If you decide to do this, I think this woman would be perfect for the position of manager. And if for some reason you don't think the daycare is feasible, she would make a wonderful nanny for Mary."

Castiel picked up the paper. "Missouri Moseley?" Castiel read through her resume. His brow furrowed. "Hannah, she's never run a daycare."

"Do you trust me?"

Castiel's eyes shot up. "Of course."

"Just interview her."

"Okay."

Less than a week later, renovations started on the new CN&S daycare. Dean had been excited about it. They decided that Mary would go into the office with Castiel three days a week, more if Dean was out of town.

Dean and Castiel interviewed Missouri Moseley together in their home. The woman was no nonsense with the two men, even scolded Dean for putting his feet on the coffee table. With Mary, she was gentle and Mary took to her right away. Missouri started working for them the next day. Once the office daycare was finished, she worked there. She helped Castiel and Hannah interview other caregivers and the CN&S daycare was up and running. The employees loved it and Castiel liked being able to go downstairs during the day and holding his little girl for her feeding times.

His office was now filled with pictures of Mary and the three of them. Dean spent his days between the music room at the house and the studio. Their first year as a family went by fast. Castiel bought Dean a nice digital camera for his birthday and the walls of the house filled up with Mary's firsts...her first tooth, her first step, her first birthday.

The house was filled with family. The cake was pink and sitting on the dining room table with one candle stuck in the middle. Mary was toddling around holding onto the edges of furniture to keep her balance.

After the cake, the presents and the guests departed, Dean brought out his guitar and while Castiel rocked Mary to sleep, Dean began to sing.

***

Dean worked hard on Mary's song, it was six months in the making. He'd changed it so many times, but now he was happy with it. Material things were nice, but Dean knew Cas cherished the song Dean wrote for him more than any other gift. Now it was Mary's turn. He last crossed legged on the floor of the nursery and watched Cas holding their daughter and his heart was full. He began to sing.

_**In my daughter's eyes,** _

_**I am a hero,** _

_**I am strong and wise,** _

_**And I know no fear,** _

_**But the truth is plain to see,** _

_**She was sent to rescue me,** _

_**I see who I want to be,** _

_**In my daughter's eyes** _

_**In my daughter's eyes,** _

_**Everyone is equal,** _

_**Darkness turns to light,** _

_**And the world is at peace,** _

_**This miracle God gave to me,** _

_**Gives me strength when I am weak,** _

_**I find reason to believe,** _

_**In my daughter's eyes** _

_**And when she wraps her hand around my finger,** _

_**How it puts a smile in my heart,** _

_**Everything becomes a little clearer,** _

_**I realize what life is all about,** _

_**It's hanging on when your heart is had enough,** _

**_It's giving more when you feel like giving up,_ **

**_I've seen the light,_ **

**_It's in my daughter's eyes_ **

**_And when she wraps her hand around my finger,_ **

**_How it puts a smile in my heart,_ **

**_Everything becomes a little clearer,_ **

**_I realize what life is all about,_ **

**_It's hanging on when your heart is had enough,_ **

**_It's giving more when you feel like giving up,_ **

**_I've seen the light,_ **

**_It's in my daughter's eyes In my daughter's eyes,_ **

**_I can see the future,_ **

**_A reflection of who I am and what will be,_ **

**_And though she'll grow and someday leave,_ **

_**Maybe raise a family,** _

_**When I'm gone I hope you'll see,** _

_**How happy she made me,** _

_**For I'll be there,** _

_**In my daughter's eyes** _

Cas was smiling at him, eyes glistening with unshed tears. Cas was his biggest fan and a big old softy. Dean laid his guitar on the floor and stood up. He took the now sleeping baby from Cas' arms and tucked her into her crib.

"That was beautiful, Dean."  They stood over the crib looking down at her for a long time.  Dean touched her soft downy hair with his fingertip.  She was a light ginger with expressive green eyes like her father.  Dean wanted another baby sometime soon, one with Cas' genes...he would love to have a dark haired, blue eyed child to make their family complete.

"Thank you, Cas.  I'm so lucky to have you and Mary."

"And we are lucky to have you."  They left her room with the music box playing a soft lullaby and the carousel  nigh tlight spinning slowly around.

In their room, they took each others clothes off, touching and kissing, whispering and sighing.  Cas dropped to his knees and Dean saw stars when Cas' mouth engulfed the head of his cock.  He ran his fingers through Cas' thick hair.  Never in his wildest dreams did he think he could have this life.  Cas looked up at him and Dean thought it was one of the hottest things Cas did for him.  Something about having Cas eyes locked on his while Cas' talented mouth worked his cock drove him insane.

Cas had come up earlier in the evening to light the fireplace in their room.  It was the only light.  When he pulled Cas to his feet, Dean loved how the firelight danced over Cas toned body.  Lazily, they curled into each other on the bed, neither in a hurry.  Dean took one of Cas' hands in his and poured a generous amount of lube in it.  He guided his husband's hand between his legs.  "Want you," he whispered.

Dean spread his legs, enjoying the feel of Cas' fingers as they stretched and prepared him.  He rolled his hips with an easy rhythm.  With every thrust of Cas' fingers, he would kiss Dean somewhere new on his body...his hipbone, the curve of his ribs, a dusky nipple, the palm of his hand.  Dean needed more...he was more than ready.

"Now, Cas..."  He hissed when Cas removed his fingers and felt empty.  Teasingly slow, Cas entered him and Dean wrapped his legs around Cas' waist.  When Cas began to move, Dean moved with him.  Their eyes met and held.  Each stroke brought a low moan from Dean.  

***

Castiel looked down at Dean.  His husband was so beautiful...laid bare below him...eyes blown with desire.  He let his eyes rake over Dean's body.  Even more gorgeous than the sixteen year old he'd loved all those years ago.   Dean was a pproaching forty, but didn't come close to looking like it.  Castiel's eyes drifted down to his husband's cock, hard and thick, wet with his arousal.  Dean was his, every inch of him was Castiel's.  

Castiel moved faster...he needed to fill Dean.  Dean looked up, eyes glazed, skin flushed.  Castiel fucked into him harder...faster...  Dean wanted to come with Castiel, he saw it in his eyes, but Castiel had other plans.  He wra pped Dean's hand around the base of his cock and held it tight for a few seconds .  "Cas...let me..."  Castiel shook his head.

"Shhh."  Castiel thrust into him again and again.  He was close.  He lifted Dean's ass with his hands and pounded over and over.  "Dean...Dean..."  Pleasure ripped through Castiel and he felt his cock pulsing inside of Dean.  The aftershocks shook him and his hips slowed until they stopped all together.  Dean was breathing hard, his body tight around Castiel's cock.  Slowly, Castiel pulled out and Dean gave a frustrated groan.  

Castiel sank down to his elbows and held Dean's legs open.  Giving Dean a feral smile, Castiel dipped his tongue into Dean's wet, stretched hole.  Dean jerked, shock written on his face.  "Cas..."

He tasted himself and after his tongue soothed Dean's hole, he m oved up to his balls, licking and sucking them.  He  reveled in the feel of Dean's smooth skin and remembered shaving his husband the night before.  Dean sat on the edge of the tub with his legs spread and Castiel carefully shaved him from his hole to his cock.  Castiel continued to lick and kiss his way up Dean's cock.  At the tip, he lapped up Dean's juices, loving the taste of his lover...his husband.  

Castiel never tired of going down on Dean.  This was his favorite thing and in his case, he felt that giving was better than receiving.  He loved it when Dean gave him head, but it couldn't compare to how he was feeling now.  Watching Dean writhe on the bed, knowing he was the cause of his husband's pleasure, made Castiel feel powerful.  When he finally took Dean's cock into his mouth and began to suck him off, Dean's hips bucked and his back arched...heels digging into the mattress.  "Cas, God, Baby...so fuckin' good...Jesus..."  

Carefully, Castiel slipped his finger into Dean and found his prostate.  Dean cried out, pushing back, fucking himself on Castiel's hand.  Words worthy of a porn star were coming out of Dean's mouth...his balls were tight against his body.  Castiel sealed his lips around Dean's cock, creating a strong suction and with just one more touch of his fingertip on Dean's sweet spot, Dean came.  

"Fuckfuckfuckfuck..." Dean's cum filled Castiel's mouth and he swallowed the hot essence that was all Dean.  He kept Dean's cock in his mouth, gently mouthing it until it became flaccid and Dean whimpered.  Castiel let it fall from his mouth with one final kiss.

He crawled up the bed until he was next to Dean, his head on his pillow.  A few minutes passed with both of them sated and letting their breathing return to normal.  Dean turned to his side facing Castiel.  "Just when I think you can't do that any better, you go and surprise me."

"Got to keep you on your toes.  Never want you to get bored with me."  

Dean took Castiel's face in his hands.  "I will never get bored with you.  You are my life."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song "In My Daughter's Eyes" was written by James T. Slater and recorded by Martina McBride. I took artistic liberties and made it Dean's work.


	20. Epilogue

Dean placed the Entertainer of the Year award on the glass bookcase next to his other awards. This year's win meant so much more than the other years. This year, he was out as a gay man, a married gay man with two children. He returned to his bedroom and finished unpacking. With Mary being in kindergarten, Castiel felt he should stay in Atlanta so her schedule didn't get interrupted. It was the first awards show he missed since they got married, but Dean didn't mind. Cas promised Dean that he'd let Mary stay up to watch Daddy win his award. Dean accepted the award and thanked his fans and supporters, but took a longer time thanking Cas for being the best husband in the world and the best father. Cas had called afterwards and argued that Dean was the best husband and father. 

He got home from Nashville during the day, so the house was silent. Cas was at the office working on a new addition for the aquarium. The aquarium held a special place in their hearts and they had yearly passes. Cas and Dean never tired of it. When they fought, as they sometimes did, and they needed to walk away for a short time, they chose to go to the aquarium where their new lives started. It put things in perspective. 

Dean knew the kids would be at daycare. Mary's school bus dropped her off at Cas' office every afternoon and she would hang out there until Cas got off work. 

He started dinner and grinned when he heard the garage door going up. His family was home and he'd missed them. He'd only been gone for three days, but it was like a lifetime. At forty-three, Dean was taking things easy career-wise. He didn't tour anymore. When interviewed, he told his fans that while he loved them, his family came first. He still wrote songs and released a new CD every other year, but his public appearances were scattered throughout the year during holidays so Cas and the kids could come with him. 

The back door was thrown open and Mary came skidding around the corner. "Daddy, Daddy..." Dean's arms were full of a wiggling five year old. 

"Hey, Sunshine. I missed you." He swung her around and planted a loud kiss on her cheek. 

"Jamie threw up in Papa's car. Papa made a icky face and had to pull over. He said bad words. He said 'damn it and shit'. Is he in trouble? 

"Mary Elizabeth...I told you not to tell your father. And repeating my bad words is a punishable offense, young lady," Cas was saying has he came around the corner, Jamie in his arms. Dean grinned at Cas' sheepish look. His husband looked frazzled. His tie was on crooked, his hair was even messier than usual and Jamie still looked a little green. 

Dean took Jamie, who was the spitting image of Cas. He kissed Cas and murmured to his son. "Hey, Little Man, what's wrong? Your tummy upset?" 

Jamie wrapped his chubby arms around Dean and started to cry. "He's running a fever. Missouri thinks he's teething again." Cas pulled Dean into his arms, smushing Jamie between them. "God, I missed you." 

"Is he in trouble?" Mary asked, pulling on Dean's pant's leg. 

"Yes, Mary, Papa is in trouble. I'll punish him later. And you..." He tweaked her on her nose, "...you know better than repeat stuff that adults say. No dessert and no TV tonight." 

"No fair." Mary stomped her foot and ran from the room. A moment later they heard her door slam. 

Cas closed his eyes. "You want me to take this or do you want to?" 

Dean took pity on his husband. "Why don't you get Jamie cleaned up before dinner and I'll take care of our spoiled princess." 

"Deal." Cas kissed Dean once more and took their son up the stairs. Dean followed at a slower pace. Mary was headstrong and somewhat spoiled. She was a sweet kid and very smart, but sometimes she was just like Dean. 

After he spoke with Mary, he came back downstairs. He could hear Jamie in the kitchen with Cas. When he entered the room, Cas had their son up on the counter with a sippy cup of apple juice. 

"Da-da." Jamie's toothy grin greeted him. Cas' more sensual smile made him raise his eyebrows. 

"Someone must be h.o.r.n.y." 

"You would be correct in your assumption." Cas said, his voice low and quiet. 

Dean laughed and brushed his hand across Cas' ass before picking Jamie up and twirling him around. "You feel better, Baby Boy? Did Papa give you medicine?" 

"I gave him some Tylenol and the cool bath seemed to help." Cas leaned against the counter. "How's Miss Priss?" 

"Stubbornly sticking to her guns that she was just repeating the bad things you said and that wasn't the same as actually saying them." The kid was going to be a lawyer. Sam is going to be so freakin' proud. "I told her the punishment still applies. I gave her ten minutes to finish pouting or the one night without TV becomes two." 

Dean finished up the dinner preparations while Cas kept Jamie amused with a toy guitar, a gift from Charlie that made a whole lot of noise. Dean couldn't wait for Charlie to find her special someone and have babies. Charlie's babies would get a drum set from Uncle Dean. 

Mary came downstairs. Cas picked her up and swung her up on the counter beside Jamie. "I love you, Princess." 

"I love you too, Papa. Are you mad at me for being a tattle-tale?" 

Cas pretended to think about it. "Hmmmm, well, you did get me in trouble with Daddy..." 

His daughter giggled and Cas pulled her into his arms. They danced around the kitchen while Jamie sat in his highchair banging the guitar against the tray. Dean took out the baked chicken and smiled at his family. His life was very close to perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this is the end of this story. Time to move onto the next one. I want to thank all of you that have read it and commented. You guys are the best.

**Author's Note:**

> For those of you who like my stuff, I've created a FB group page. I'll post my stuff there and you can give me prompts. https://www.facebook.com/groups/550258875175871/


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